frus69 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Met a guy online,been texting for a week. Hes been so sweet when we texted and we decided to meet up. During the date, The first 10 mins he appeared totally distant and disinterested,didn't even talk much. I thought he must have got turned off by seeing the real me. Afterwards he seemed warmed up and started to talk more. Eventually he become this sweet guy I know again. I asked him what happened, he said he was very nervous cuz he had high expectations of me. Didn't even look at me clearly cuz he didn't want to stare. But later on he had a good look(?) and realised I am who he hoped I am so he was really happy and sweet ,kept saying I'm amazing thanks for coming can't believe he can kiss me etc... In the end when we said good bye, he didn't mention another date, instead he said "see you again soon hopefully " I felt pretty weird. Never had a guy acting so cold when seeing me. Usually they all happy and such. What do you guys think? should I believe him? I feel he was disappointed, and maybe just didn't wanna ruin the night so acted all sweet again? Link to post Share on other sites
strawberryshortstack Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 It sounds to me like he was just nervous. I get like that as well, and it just takes me time to warm up to people once I realize they're okay. Time will tell though - if he truly liked you, he should ask to see you again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 Time will tell though - if he truly liked you, he should ask to see you again. Ask to see me again? First time he only said "would be nice to see you" then I asked him to set a date and place, otherwise maybe this wont even happen? So I don't know if I should push to set another date? Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 He was looking for a signal that you wanted to go out with him again. You gave that to him. He's either slow or inexperienced in dating. Better that he asks you out but if you really like him then find out whether he wants to go out again - just don't ask him out on a date. Let him do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 (edited) He said those pictures of mine online, some really good (dressed up for nights out ) some are casual (daily pic no makeup) and they look kinda different (some good some bad I think he means?) and he was wondering how I really look like Then first he vaugely saw me in his car, kinda guessed I looked good but wasn't sure? but later he said yeah I looked stunning tonight, I look better than my pic blah blah (which pic , the bad ones? ) I dont know what to think ? Is it a polite way to say I'm not THAT great but nice enough so he continued the night? That is what I fear. I fear the attraction wasn't that strong ,was luckwarm Ive met people who are nervous but he came across totally disinterested. I like him a lot and I have high expectations on this thing as well. And I am actually nervous really don't want to stuff it up . But I don't feel good now..don't really know what to do Edited January 9, 2016 by frus69 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 It seems like this guy was nervous and also passive and what people would call a "beta-male". If you like this guy, you may have to initiate the next date. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 He was very nervous...you are reading too much into this. Have you asked him if he met people online before? If not then it's different for him snd thus he is unsure what is normal...and that includes asking you out again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 Beta male? Interesting concept.well he texts me daily, replies pretty fast as well. His has been very consistent . But he just seems to take forever to ask me out . Don't know if it's passive or just not interested He doesn't seem to lack confidence , has rejected girls before. His previous gfs are all pretty..he usually takes the lead amongst friends (his words) Does that sound beta male? Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 He was very nervous...you are reading too much into this. Have you asked him if he met people online before? If not then it's different for him snd thus he is unsure what is normal...and that includes asking you out again. I just don't see the usual "nervous behaviour" like tongue tight or something. I see "disinterested behaviour " : not smiling, not talking much, not much eye contact, seemingly no energy He has met 3 people but none of them were a match. I'm thinking maybe I should see if he would still text me as often to gauge his interesting level? Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I just don't see the usual "nervous behaviour" like tongue tight or something. I see "disinterested behaviour " : not smiling, not talking much, not much eye contact, seemingly no energy He has met 3 people but none of them were a match. I'm thinking maybe I should see if he would still text me as often to gauge his interesting level? Your description was he was off the first 10 minutes then he opened up....those are nerves. It's also a dynamic with you and what your behavior is saying yo him. Him not bringing up going out on a 2nd date at the rnd of the first date. Dome ask then and dome wait and ask later. Part of this was how he was reading body language from you and your interest level. If I wasn't sure if you were interested I'd probably wait yo ask for a 2nd date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 Your description was he was off the first 10 minutes then he opened up....those are nerves. It's also a dynamic with you and what your behavior is saying yo him. Him not bringing up going out on a 2nd date at the rnd of the first date. Dome ask then and dome wait and ask later. Part of this was how he was reading body language from you and your interest level. If I wasn't sure if you were interested I'd probably wait yo ask for a 2nd date. Yeah first 10 mins was so distant, I was so sure he wasn't interested. So even later on he opened up, I still doubt it's nervous?. I was thinking he just didn't wanna ruin the night. I don't understand your "don't ask then and don't wait and ask later"? But I made sure he knows I like him Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy69 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I've been around men like that. They are always waiting on signs and cues from YOU that YOU are interested and that YOU like them. They need that validation because they have lower self esteem and they are always second guessing your intentions. Some of these guys can be great lovers, completely masculine where it counts but when it comes to initiating they don't play the part. My guy waited almost 2 years for me. He kept thinking I hated him. It's kind of endearing in a way when you think about it. Now that we're together he's way more aggressive about things in general which for me is a good thing. But as a grown woman you need to decide if you are okay with this. Some women refuse to play the pursuer role because they feel the man always has to but hopefully you don't lose out on a good thing. This guy could be awesome for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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