Amelie1980 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 How much attention do you pay to the things a guy says on first date? Do you take it as gospel? For example, one guy said marriage wasn't for him on a first date as he's seen too much divorce in his family. Also he said similar about marriage on his OLD profile. He also outright justified cheating on his OLD profile in.some circumstances. Thoughts
MzLady Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Sounds like it's not just first date conversation.. he has made his position clear in his profile and also believes cheating is acceptable. Sounds like my ex who I dated for 2 years. His position never changed on marriage and he cheated on me and tried to justify it. Word of advice... take him at his word. If you are looking for marriage and fidelity... he's not your guy. 5
dobielover Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 That's not just first date conversation. I'd take that all together as a very clear sign not to expect this guy to ever want to get married and to justify cheating. Move on. 3
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 Sounds like it's not just first date conversation.. he has made his position clear in his profile and also believes cheating is acceptable. Sounds like my ex who I dated for 2 years. His position never changed on marriage and he cheated on me and tried to justify it. Word of advice... take him at his word. If you are looking for marriage and fidelity... he's not your guy. Im not so antsy about marriage. Some people are perfectly capable of being in a commited and faithful relationship without being married. It's the cheating that bothered me. Taken in conjunction with the no marriage, to my mind it just meant he doesn't ever want to commit for life and wants to keep his options eternally open. So the no marriage counted as a strike in context of the views on cheating.
Gaeta Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 How much attention do you pay to the things a guy says on first date? Do you take it as gospel? Yes, I pay a lot of attention and take it it's the holy truth. For example, one guy said marriage wasn't for him on a first date as he's seen too much divorce in his family. Also he said similar about marriage on his OLD profile. He also outright justified cheating on his OLD profile in.some circumstances. Thoughts I would not meet him, actually I would not respond to his online message. 4
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 Yes, I pay a lot of attention and take it it's the holy truth. I would not meet him, actually I would not respond to his online message. I shouldn't have but no harm done. He said to my face....marriage isnt for me. There is no undoing that frame of mind. Have you ever ignored your instincts and have it be a huge mistake?
Gaeta Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 I shouldn't have but no harm done. He said to my face....marriage isnt for me. There is no undoing that frame of mind. Have you ever ignored your instincts and have it be a huge mistake? OH yes ! I gave a whole year to a man that kept saying 'give me time I am not ready to fully commit'. Of course he never did. 1
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 OH yes ! I gave a whole year to a man that kept saying 'give me time I am not ready to fully commit'. Of course he never did. Oh ****, sorry about that. What happened there? What made you stick around?
xcupid Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 You can count on what he says and you won't change him. Definitely don't ignore what he says and don't waste your time with him. 2
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 You can count on what he says and you won't change him. Definitely don't ignore what he says and don't waste your time with him. Yeah see the thing is, had we dated for a while and he said lots later on, marriage isnt for me....i would think he meant I dont want to marry YOU. However it was on his OLD profile and he said it first date too. No marriage.
Gaeta Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Oh ****, sorry about that. What happened there? What made you stick around? I was just getting back into dating. Had no experience. People kept telling me to never pressure a man, I had to play cool, etc etc. Then when I started realizing he would never commit I was already attached. Anyway on our 1st year anniversary dating I broke it with him. 1
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 Please no one laugh....it isn't the case that he will meet this one woman and change all his attitudes just for her? Or is it just him?
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 I was just getting back into dating. Had no experience. People kept telling me to never pressure a man, I had to play cool, etc etc. Then when I started realizing he would never commit I was already attached. Anyway on our 1st year anniversary dating I broke it with him. What sort of commitment did you want?
Gaeta Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 What sort of commitment did you want? I wanted so little. I wanted to meet his daughter (20 yo) and I wanted him to meet my daughter (25 yo at the time). After 1 year I still had not met any of his family or friends or him mine. After I broke up with him he met a woman, he felt hard for her and within a few weeks he met her sons, friends and family and did the same on his side. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 How much attention do you pay to the things a guy says on first date? Do you take it as gospel? For example, one guy said marriage wasn't for him on a first date as he's seen too much divorce in his family. Also he said similar about marriage on his OLD profile. He also outright justified cheating on his OLD profile in.some circumstances. Thoughts Some one who tried to justify cheating in their OLD profile is not someone I would bother to meet. Saying marriage isn't for me, would cause me to believe them if they were over 30; under 25 I'd take it with a grain of salt. Between I'd need more info. If this info was contained in the OLD profile, again I might not waste my time meeting if marriage was something I wanted. What I wouldn't do, is meet such a person assuming I could change his mind. 2
candie13 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 It's meant to be easy. Stick to things you want - marriage, children, commitment, whatever - and date exclusively people who want the same things. Easier, less time spent and zero risks of broken hearted. Anything else is self sabotage - and it's your own doing. You can't change people. If you think you can change him, fine. But do it consciously - give him 5/7/10 dates. If you still don't like what you hear, consider it bad investment, cut your losses & move on. I do agree that sometimes you need to burn your fingers in order to learn the dangers of staying too close from the fire. Just be aware of what's going on and keep your eyes on that exit door constantly. Oh, and for God's sake, don't fall inlove, you're going to be miserable. 1
candie13 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Anyone justifying cheating is a loser & unworthy of one minute of my time. 2
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 I wanted so little. I wanted to meet his daughter (20 yo) and I wanted him to meet my daughter (25 yo at the time). After 1 year I still had not met any of his family or friends or him mine. After I broke up with him he met a woman, he felt hard for her and within a few weeks he met her sons, friends and family and did the same on his side. That is horrible
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 Anyone justifying cheating is a loser & unworthy of one minute of my time. He said cheating is sometimes understandable....it just means you are not dating the right person. WTF. Also he is well over thirty.
candie13 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 It really is a huge learning to not stay with people who are unable to meet your basic needs, however much they attract you. Gaeta, you were smart to have left him, most women refuse to admit they have "lost" & cling onto those men who refuse to give them what they need: closeness, intimacy, connection, commitment... Very lucky! 1
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 It really is a huge learning to not stay with people who are unable to meet your basic needs, however much they attract you. Gaeta, you were smart to have left him, most women refuse to admit they have "lost" & cling onto those men who refuse to give them what they need: closeness, intimacy, connection, commitment... Very lucky! So many people coast along hoping they will suddenly change and give them what they want. Not even the basics of fidelity. Also on another topic of first dates, another guy...he seemed to always be texting other girls / his ex. Still friends etc. Red flag?
candie13 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 He said cheating is sometimes understandable....it just means you are not dating the right person. WTF. Also he is well over thirty. I respectfully disagree. You meet someone more yummy, you break up first & shag the brains of the other person as much as you want. I am really scared by men justifying cheating because it shows a huge incompatibility in values. I mean... you're on a site where you're meant to find love & seek happiness and that guys talks about how cheating is understandable? Sounds like a dude who just wants to shag, not develop an authentic connection with just one woman. I read it as an invitation to open RS, sex, fwb and the sort. I personally wouldn't walk, I'd run from this man... I am not saying this to appear hollier than thou... I just think you can't make chicken soup out of chicken ***** ... Anyways, you know best. 1
Author Amelie1980 Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 I respectfully disagree. You meet someone more yummy, you break up first & shag the brains of the other person as much as you want. I am really scared by men justifying cheating because it shows a huge incompatibility in values. I mean... you're on a site where you're meant to find love & seek happiness and that guys talks about how cheating is understandable? Sounds like a dude who just wants to shag, not develop an authentic connection with just one woman. I read it as an invitation to open RS, sex, fwb and the sort. I personally wouldn't walk, I'd run from this man... I am not saying this to appear hollier than thou... I just think you can't make chicken soup out of chicken ***** ... Anyways, you know best. EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!! Should you meet someone you would rather be with, break up first and then go and screw the other ones brains out. You dont hedge your bets and cheat and assume it is just because you're not with the right person....the reason he gave shows that he just doesnt care. it aint his fault he cheats, it just wasnt meant to be is the way he justifies. I hadnt thought about the whole FWB, open RS thing. I am going to save that quote: re chicken soup to chicken ****.
candie13 Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 Yeah, life sucks that way, you live, you learn... Sometimes the things they don't say are much more important than the things they do say. I've learnt i can't just figure men out, so I give myself time. Really, uncrossed legs, open ears & plenty of time is what I'm doing nowadays to weed out my dates. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 He said cheating is sometimes understandable....it just means you are not dating the right person. WTF. Also he is well over thirty. No it's not. Just break up if the relationship is not right. That is understandable. Cheating is not. If he's over 30, believe him when he says he doesn't want to be married. I spent my 20s with a guy who said marriage wasn't for him. He's mid-50s & still a bachelor. Oh the decade I wasted, not listening. 1
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