volleygal Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 -We have really good sex, but while were "taking it slow" he wants to refrain from it.. god knows why if we have amazing sex -We've been dating only a little more than a month -I know he likes me a lot because he tells me everyday and gives me that look all the time -He thinks we don't know each other enoughyet and that we raced into the whole dating thing. I knew him a month and we partied and cuddled and talked a lot getting to know eachother so you think that'd be enough. He used to sleep over at my place and wed talk in the mornings until the afternoon We see eachother wednesdays, Friday, Saturday, and then he stays until around 4 on Sunday to talk. Other than that he still has his own life and school and work so why is he asking to take things slow? Does he not like me enough or is he still unsure if I'm worth it? Ugh and why does he want to retract sex all of a sudden. We work so well together during!!! Should I just give him up? Cause on one hand i relaly like him and it ocudl just be he's afraid of something (god knows what) cause i don't think he's afraid of commitment or breaking up he tells me all the time sometimes it just doesn't work and he's good at preparing and separating himself. BUT on the other hand i feel like well shouldn't i be with someone who's absolutely sure he wants me? I just feel like because of this he likes me less especially since he mentioned this after we got in an argument and he told me that he doesn't think it's good that i'm still nervous around him and don't always know what to say and we have some awkward pauses in our conversations. but it's not like all of our convos are like this like i said we used to lie in bed just talking. but also shouldn't nervousness should be fine weve only been dating a month and we don't even see each other all the time. Also what could he possibly want to take slower? we literally just watch movies and talk and have sex. Like it's not like i'm pressuring him about the future or anything. Also he told me the reason was because it might make it "feel more natural" like what does that mean? Link to post Share on other sites
lilmissjava Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 it sounds like you have spent a lot of time on an intimate level and you really need to find out how the both of you are outside of all that. In just a month you have moved quite fast and some guys feel overwhelmed by that. Maybe he is feeling it and needs a reality check. Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 We can't know what he means. You should ask him. Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Some of that's natural for a guy. But he also might want to get to know you more as a person. Go at his pace and give him space if he wants it or needs it. Don't overthink or worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Hm. I can see him wanting a bit more time on his own. You two spend quite a lot of time together and you've only been seeing each other a month. But him telling you he wants to withdraw from sex altogether and that he is preparing himself for separating is concerning. I've never had a man tell me he wants to stop sleeping together after just a few weeks. Maybe one of the male posters can chime in here? This happened to a friend of mine last year. About a month in, the guy told her he felt they were moving a little fast and he wanted to take a breather. She, naturally, was hurt but she continued to pursue him even while he gave clear signals he wanted space. He eventually broke up with her altogether. So having said that, I would step back and give him space for a bit. Continue with your own life and interests. Don't wait around too long as you've only been seeing each other a few weeks. If things don't improve within a couple weeks, I would let him go completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 If you guys have been spending Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Most of Sunday together then he's probably feeling like that much seeing one another happened really fast and has become too routine for what he wants right now. Think about it, you're spending 4 out of the 7 days in a week with one another. Not to mention he's spending his whole weekend with you. He might want to do other things, see his other friends, or just sit at home by himself and do nothing. That is probably the case and it's tough to tell your gf that you just wanna be able to sit at home on a Saturday and not do anything or see anyone. It's not that he doesn't like you or wanna date you, but everyone needs their time alone to just chill. And the fact that he's staying till 4 pm on Sunday's "just to talk". Maybe he's sick of talking. Do you have a core group of friends you hang out with or is he your only social interaction? If you're relying on him to have a social life then that's not healthy and will eventually be a problem in your relationship. You can hang out with him 2-3 times a week but make sure you don't pout or make him feel guilty if he doesn't stay for 6-10 hours every time you're together. Let him know that he can come by Saturday for an hour or two and leave if he wants. Or tell him you're going out with your friends and he can do his own thing Friday night. You guys went from 0-100 in a month. The 4 day a week, entire weekends together just laying around watching movies might be getting old for him. Link to post Share on other sites
kitty12345 Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 The slower the better. Gives time for flame to burn slowly rather than burn fast and boom! Make sex part of relationship than relationship itself, unless that's what you call a relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
Author volleygal Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 In response to Qboro: Well most of the time he stays on sundays and saturday because he wants to. I never ask him to stay a certain amount. And if anything I'm the one getting tired of just watching movies and talking. I usually want to go out and party because my friend from school only can chill on the weekends. But he doesn't like to party so we just stay in and chill together Also I doubt he's sick of talking because he's the one saying we don't know each other well enough and that "we talk but we don't yet understand each other"... This conversation all started because he thought it was bad that i still felt nervous around him, yet how is talking less and seeing each other less gonna help that. if anything it's gonna make me NOT feel used to him around, but only in spurts. And i figured he had his own time because we go to separate schools so he gets most of the weekdays by himself to just go home and play video games all night and chill with his roommates. I can maybe understand him wanting to go slow, but i just want to be sure he's not saying that because he's rethinking if he likes me since he "doesn't feel like he knows me enough" cause i know i like him, id rather not be stringed along while he figures out if he actually does... Link to post Share on other sites
Author volleygal Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 I'm fine with taking it slow, i just wanna know if i'm wasting time when he isn't even 100% sure he likes me... Link to post Share on other sites
11012015 Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 -We have really good sex, but while were "taking it slow" he wants to refrain from it.. god knows why if we have amazing sex I don't know a single guy who would say 'let's take it slow' to a girl who is having amazing sex with. "Refraining from it" should signal a a serious redflag because you can take it slow and still have sex. Getting to know you emotionally is good but no guy would stop sex to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
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