clynn Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 This is a spin off on a thread that evolved into a discussion on sleeping with guys (or girls) too soon on into a relationship / dating. I thought I would pose the question out there and see what men and women both feel? Has anyone debunked the myth either way? Headed straight on it, broken all the rules and had an awesome relationship out of it? Can a girl / guy wait too long to be physical....turns into friendship instead? What about people who have waited and found that was the best choice? And any other discussion you wish to have about "rules". ...... .... when is it to soon to kiss? .....when is it too soon to say the "L" word? Have any girls out there been the first to say it? Was that a smart thing or not? ....What about men? Happy to hear it or freaked out? .... or does it all ultimately just come down to the connection between the two people and if things are gonna go a certain way, they will and if not, they won't....? Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJ Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 From the situation I experienced, I felt that the lady of my desires wanted me to sleep with me however I was hesitant to have sexual relations so soon into dating scenario because I really liked the lady. we shared the same bed and slept together but I was indecisive. So she gave me the arse. Horses for corses I guesss? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Originally posted by clynn And any other discussion you wish to have about "rules". ...... .... when is it to soon to kiss? .....when is it too soon to say the "L" word? Have any girls out there been the first to say it? Was that a smart thing or not? ....What about men? Happy to hear it or freaked out? .... or does it all ultimately just come down to the connection between the two people and if things are gonna go a certain way, they will and if not, they won't....? it is never too soon to kiss, do it when u feel like it. woman will give signals, man pick up on them and then plants one on her lips, hopefully with heavy tongue action. anytime before 6 months of regular dating is too soon, that is my personal rule. I've never told any woman i loved her before 6 months. If woman says "I luv u" to me to early yes i would freak but it depends also how much I like her. If i like her a lot then it is good cause then I know I have her in my clutches. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Has anyone debunked the myth either way? Headed straight on it, broken all the rules and had an awesome relationship out of it? They're called myths for a reason. Can a girl / guy wait too long to be physical....turns into friendship instead? Possible. The only relationship I can recall when this happened was with my girlfriend Mary. She and I were close friends for quite some time. She later confessed she had fallen in love with me, but at that time I had no sexual desire for her. She was like my sister. I'm assuming it could happen with a guy, too. See him as my brother or best-friend.. What about people who have waited and found that was the best choice? The longest I have waited is, uh, maybe 24 hours? .... when is it to soon to kiss? Only counting serious long-term relationships: 1: Five years - Sex first date. 2: Two years - Sex first date. 3. Marriage - Sex first date. .....when is it too soon to say the "L" word? Have any girls out there been the first to say it? Was that a smart thing or not? Depends on the people involved. Some people are weirded out by saying love too early. Some people take years to say it. My husband told me the first night. I told him about two-three weeks later. ....What about men? Happy to hear it or freaked out? I think once the guy has determined that the woman he's with is the one then they are happy to hear it. If they're still determining whether or not they want to stay with this woman it may cause them to cringe just a bit. .... or does it all ultimately just come down to the connection between the two people and if things are gonna go a certain way, they will and if not, they won't....? I'd say so. Link to post Share on other sites
emopunk Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 If its going to go a certain way, it will. I used to have all kinds of rules... which is probably why none of those relationships ever worked out. I broke all of my rules in dating my fiance'... and guess what? It worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Originally posted by emopunk I broke all of my rules in dating my fiance'... and guess what? It worked out. Yes, not unlike the "opposites" episode of Seinfeld where George starts doing everything the opposite of what he would normally do and his whole life changed for the better! Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 I think many of the rules aren't rules, they strike some as self evident facts, like gravity. Of course individuals may vary and there are plenty of special circumstances that come into play, but generally, just as it bugs a girl when a man seems to get attached too soon (is he desparate and thus not that formidable an human being, it does honestly make me think twice if a girl seems okay with moving too quickly to sexual activities. Where the line is, I don't know. But if it makes me feel that, notwithstanding my fantastic game, she'd be doing this with anyone else, I'm not sure I believe the relationship is really all that singular. Link to post Share on other sites
JoL Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 I dont really like the dating "Rules" to be honest. I dont think they can be applied to every situation...or every couple. but for the sake of the topic! 4 boyfriends 1st bf, love you- 1 year, kiss- 1 month, no sex.. 2nd bf, love you- 3 months, kiss- 1st date, no sex.. 3rd bf, love you- 3 months, kiss- night we met, sex-3 months 4th bf, love you- 4 months, kiss- 1st date, sex- 3 months Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 First Kiss.. should be whenever the mood hits ya. First time to have Sex.. while I'm not opposed to having sex even if it's on a first date what would stop me is not knowing someone's sexual health.. I'm the girl who will ask straight up if the guy in question has been tested, has he ever had any STD's.. and would he be okay with me seeing his medical record.. I've never had anyone be offended that I asked. First time to say I love you.. My EXH told me on the first date.. My most recent EXBF told me about a week or two after I met him... AND my currant BF and I have been together for almost 2 months.. but I haven't heard that yet. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 I have a hard time saying "I love you" anyways. I've said it when I was drunk and later regretted it. The only thing I hate about having sex on the first date is that you get attached quickly, and then you may find out more about them (eg., he is a bigot), and end up hurting more because you became physically intimate too fast. I've had sex within hours of meeting someone, and it worked out ok. That's how it was with my exH, but I've also done it with disasterous results. Kiss? whever you feel like it. I love kissing. Perhaps this is why I got mono when I was 19. hahahha Link to post Share on other sites
emopunk Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Watch the movie "Swingers" with Vince Vaughn... then check this link http://www.angelfire.com/pa/205/links0.html The last rule (#15) is the single most important rule: Trust yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
gypsy25 Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 I have been with my current boyfriend for almost 8 months and we had sex about 2 weeks after we met. But the chemistry and attraction and things in common between the 2 of us was insane, almost creepy. I think by the time we actually had sex we felt like we had known each other for a long time because of the connection we had. I told him I loved him first (I was drunk, oopsie) it was about 4 months in. He didn't say it back until about the 6th month. This is the first relationship I've had that I feel true love and I haven't followed any type of rule (except for letting him pursue me, I always think it's best to let men do this, it's an instinctual need they have). Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 3, 2005 Share Posted February 3, 2005 Originally posted by gypsy25 (except for letting him pursue me, I always think it's best to let men do this, it's an instinctual need they have). i disagree, my experience is that the women make it look like the man is pursueing them but in reality it is the female who pursues the man. women usually choose the man they want to be with. men have little say in the matter. Link to post Share on other sites
kanga Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale i disagree, my experience is that the women make it look like the man is pursueing them but in reality it is the female who pursues the man. Can you clarify this? How do women make it appear the men are chasing? Link to post Share on other sites
Gala242 Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Originally posted by JoL 4 boyfriends 1st bf, love you- 1 year, kiss- 1 month, no sex.. 2nd bf, love you- 3 months, kiss- 1st date, no sex.. 3rd bf, love you- 3 months, kiss- night we met, sex-3 months 4th bf, love you- 4 months, kiss- 1st date, sex- 3 months Heres mine... 10 "girlfriends" 1st gf, love you- 2 months, kiss- 3rd date, no sex 2nd gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex 3rd gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex 4th gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex 5th gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex 6th gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex 7th gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex 8th gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex 9th gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex 10th gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Originally posted by Gala242 Heres mine... 10 "girlfriends" 1st gf, no sex 2nd gf, no sex 3rd gf, no sex 4th gf, no sex 5th gf, no sex 6th gf, no sex 7th gf, no sex 8th gf, no sex 9th gf, no sex 10th gf, no sex hmmm... i see a bad pattern here! Link to post Share on other sites
Hund1976 Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 I don't see how someone can be your girlfriend if you don't even kiss them. But to each his own. I don't think there's any "rules" that must be followed. I would personally recommend not having sex on the first few dates. But that doesn't mean if you have sex on the first date the relationship is doomed. I guess the idea is if someone is just looking for some booty he'll give up after a few dates and move onto an easier target. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 well me: i have only had 1 "Real" BF. my current guy, i have been with him for 2yrs. i have dated a ton of boys and men. but i woud not consider them BF's. they were ususally guys that i went out with, and probably slept with. of these men, my current BF was the only one i really waited to have sex with... we had been seeing each other 3 months. and i waited with him, cause i was testing out the wait theory....to see if it had anything to do with the longevity of the relationship. and in this case it has....but i also really liked him. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Originally posted by tattoomytoe of these men, my current BF was the only one i really waited to have sex with... we had been seeing each other 3 months. and i waited with him, cause i was testing out the wait theory....to see if it had anything to do with the longevity of the relationship. and in this case it has....but i also really liked him. the longer a couple waits to hop in the sack the longer their relationship will last. it is a generalization but true in many instances. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale the longer a couple waits to hop in the sack the longer their relationship will last. it is a generalization but true in many instances. Woah, cool. I was making out with hot bouncer boy and I stopped him and told him I didn't want to have sex yet. I have noticed with guys I really like, I try to wait. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 b_o... since all my Dates, were just guys that i had slept with.... i was like the next guy, i am going to wait, and see what happens. i did do some oral, after 2 months.... but i went really slow. we kissed on the first date and though Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 I like kissing. kissing is fun. and you get a great idea of how good they are in the sack from how they kiss. my ex used to slobber all over the lower half of my face. yuck. he was pretty good in bed, but I NEVER let him do oral. Sloppy jaloppy. Link to post Share on other sites
missouribabe Posted February 4, 2005 Share Posted February 4, 2005 Since a lot of girls wait to have sex if it's a guy they really like, do you think it's the same for men? Say you're making out on the first or second date - if they asked for sex, does that mean they probably don't respect you or want a relationship with you? I had known this guy from out of town who was visiting for a short while. We never dated in the past, but on one occassion that he was in town, we hung out a coupld times and then ended up hooking up, and he wanted to have sex. We didn't at first, but I wonder if he just was into me only for sex or if he was rushing because of the circumstances, him being out of town and all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clynn Posted February 4, 2005 Author Share Posted February 4, 2005 aaaah, gala242, you are old fashioned. That's good. Never sex huh. Well, there you go. Link to post Share on other sites
Gala242 Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale hmmm... i see a bad pattern here! Lol......well i don't think its that bad, my pastor at church thinks its a good thing Link to post Share on other sites
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