Hope4thefuture Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 When I first met my BF I thought we had a lot in common. Same type of music, same values with raising our kids, etc. As we hung out more I noticed how much he drinks. Now I like have drinks when I go out with friends or at family parties. I enjoy having a few drinks and having a good time. When we get together he will drink some, but I don't think he drinks as much as when he is by himself. Maybe that's because I don't drink too much and he is trying to respect that. However when he isn't around me he will go to bars after work. And that is fine with me. I understand that he may need to unwind. When I say he goes to bars though, it's not just a few drinks. He will go after work and stay until closing. This happens at least 2 times a week. He will also drink when we get together too. When he goes and visits his family for a weekend, he ends up drinking all day and night for the entire weekend. Maybe I am being too judgmental. I am just concerned and wondering if this is a red flag or is it more of a compatibility thing? Thanks for your thoughts.
Gaeta Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 That is WAY too much drinking for me. I would be completely turned off by that kind of drinking and I would definitely NOT want that type of man in my life but that's me. Your man cannot enjoy himself without alcohol. Drinking all weekends and closing bars twice a week on weekdays is just too much alcohol How old is he? How much money does it put in all of that drinking? About his health? Does he have a liver in reserve somewhere? How you feel about men with beer belly? How you feel about a man always smelling booze? 1
ASG Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 It is really a matter of perspective. That amount of drinking doesn't phase me in the least. In the past 3 weeks I think there was only one day I didn't go to the pub. Some of those outings were proper nights out, most just a couple of drinks after work. It is usual in my line of work and it is almost expected that I hit the oub when done. It is regularly said by people in the industry that we drink our wages. But you're well within your right to not like it. You just need to drcide whether that's a deal breaker or not.
lana-banana Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 Many people drink a bit more than normal during the holidays, but "all day and all night" seems far past that. I would be alarmed by anyone drinking to excess (3 drinks for a woman, 4 for a man) during the week. I consider myself a somewhat heavy drinker---I drink 2 or 3 days per week, 1 to 3 drinks each time. The levels you're secreting sound extreme and I would find them unacceptable. More to the point, how does he behave while drinking? Does it affect his ability to work, exercise, and so on? Is he irritable when he isn't drinking? Does his life revolve around alcohol?
smackie9 Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 I agree for some this is perfectly fine, but it's a lifestyle choice, no different than someone who likes to blow a blunt driving home from work. If you are not comfortable with this lifestyle then this should be a deal breaker for you plain and simple.
Glitters Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 What you initially thought is not what it really is. Drinking like this is going to affect your everyday life and when/if you bring it up ( later), what you will hear is : You always knew I drank that much ,so whats the problem now. Stop trying to control me. etc etc. This is how much he drinks,accept that and see if its within your acceptable limits or not.
TunaCat Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 It would be not only a red flag for me, but a deal-breaker, absolutely. You just need to figure out if it's a red flag for you or even a deal-breaker. If it's not, that's okay. You just need to figure out if it's acceptable to you.
PogoStick Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 That's enough drinking to be concerned but by itself doesn't mean alcoholic or dysfunctional. The 2 questions are: 1. Does it negatively affect his life? Work, physical health, mental health? Carrying his side of the house work? 2. Is it affecting your relationship? 1
SwordofFlame Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 That's enough drinking to be concerned but by itself doesn't mean alcoholic or dysfunctional. The 2 questions are: 1. Does it negatively affect his life? Work, physical health, mental health? Carrying his side of the house work? 2. Is it affecting your relationship? Agreed. I drink a lot too but it doesn't negatively effect anything. I can still get up the next morning and hit the gym for an intense workout.
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