concerned111 Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Has anyone had this NOT end in break up? We've had our troubles lately. this weekend we had planned a 3 day camping trip. yesterday, Wednesday, she texts me in the deadest voice ever telling me she needed the night alone and that we can spend the next night together but she just needs to be alone and needs time to her self. no kissy face emojis, nothing, i still havent heard from her and its thursday. we were supposed to go grocery shopping yesterday and tonight we were going to prep all our food and camping gear and were going to head out tomorrow morning. now im wondering if i need to go get a new tent and camping gear (all at her house) and just go by myself. the fact she has not said anything to me since that text is very concerning. leading up to this she has been incredibly cold and distand the past couple weeks. she is very stressed about finishing college and is pretty depressed and stuff over this but we also have our problems. we've had sexual problems too, in the begininning i didn't want it as much as she did, which lead to her feeling rejected and she still holds on to those feelings even though the tables have now turned (i want sex more than she does, i think she avoids it now). weve been together 8 months now, i know she would say the sex thing hasnt gotten better and ive made no attempt which is not true i have been initiating a lot more (she doesnt even initiate at all anymore) the last time we tried having sex though was monday morning i went down on her and she stopped me to look at the clock and say 'you shouldn't be late to work' sorry for the rant, didn't know what all to include and what not to. my minds just racing and i know i shouldnt contact her at all. this morning i wrote a long email and deleted it. i started two texts and deleted them. i know ive come off to her as clingy and weak and have failed to sexually gratify her so i know things look very doomed. just want to hear from some others with similar experiences while i wait for the inevitable. Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Hey buddy I'm sorry you're going through this you're young and the stuff is all new to you... Don't worry you'll have plenty more girls and problems in your future but that's life. If you want to be the better man with her just tell her you understand I'm working to break it off no matter how bad it hurts... Yo look good to her and everyone else by making the right choice and you'll grow and learn don't stay in a relationship when it's time to end it we all know sometimes we want to fix it but this will help you grow buddy just let her go. You know deep down inside it's done to just let it go Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 If she's stressed about finishing college, heading off into the woods at exam time might not be the best idea. Why not wait until these are over to get outdoors? Instead, be supportive of her need to focus on her studies right now. Not everything is about you. Take a step back and try to see things from her perspective occasionally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author concerned111 Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 i try and see things from her perspective as much as possible. she has a very slow semester right now, 1 online class (that I do all the work for, currently has an A in it) and one real class she goes to and is failing. I try to help her with her homework and encourage her to go to tutoring. the camping trip was her idea. its not like she needs to study right now (Not like she would if she needed to, shes given up on school and has a very apathetic attitude towards it and life right now :/) Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Hey buddy I'm sorry you're going through this you're young and the stuff is all new to you... Don't worry you'll have plenty more girls and problems in your future but that's life. If you want to be the better man with her just tell her you understand I'm working to break it off no matter how bad it hurts... Yo look good to her and everyone else by making the right choice and you'll grow and learn don't stay in a relationship when it's time to end it we all know sometimes we want to fix it but this will help you grow buddy just let her go. You know deep down inside it's done to just let it go ^^This. She's fading out ....it's done. Be the better person and end it. Head high, and move forward. Lots more girls and experiences headed your way... Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 i try and see things from her perspective as much as possible. she has a very slow semester right now, 1 online class (that I do all the work for, currently has an A in it) and one real class she goes to and is failing. I try to help her with her homework and encourage her to go to tutoring. the camping trip was her idea. its not like she needs to study right now (Not like she would if she needed to, shes given up on school and has a very apathetic attitude towards it and life right now :/) Okay...so stressed out about school is just an excuse! I agree with others then. Tell her the relationship is no longer working and you're ending things. Be prepared for her to put up a fight...until her coursework and exams are done. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Her behavior is stereotypical of someone who is cheating on you. She wants space or a break so she can do it and not feel guilty. Your best move is to just end it and go no contact if possible. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 girlfriend wants space = I want out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 It could go several ways. Yes, she could be cheating. Yes, she could be fading. But I have been in situations where I asked for space and wasn't planning on breaking up. I just needed some time to think, or just some nights to be alone and not have my whole life be about a relationship. When you talk to her, just be completely honest about everything YOU are feeling. Encourage her to open up even if the truth will hurt you. Get it all out in the open...and go from there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author concerned111 Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 thank you pteromom. everyone is so quick to defaulting to ending it. maybe we should end it, but i love her and would like to change and make things work. trying really ****ing hard to not reach out to her right now. Link to post Share on other sites
xUnknown Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 My ex did the same thing. She faded, wanted to be alone more. Keep your pride and end it yourself. Find someone who wants to be with you, have sex, go out, go camping - as much as you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Has anyone had this NOT end in break up? We've had our troubles lately. this weekend we had planned a 3 day camping trip. yesterday, Wednesday, she texts me in the deadest voice ever telling me she needed the night alone and that we can spend the next night together but she just needs to be alone and needs time to her self. no kissy face emojis, nothing, i still havent heard from her and its thursday. we were supposed to go grocery shopping yesterday and tonight we were going to prep all our food and camping gear and were going to head out tomorrow morning. now im wondering if i need to go get a new tent and camping gear (all at her house) and just go by myself. the fact she has not said anything to me since that text is very concerning. leading up to this she has been incredibly cold and distand the past couple weeks. she is very stressed about finishing college and is pretty depressed and stuff over this but we also have our problems. we've had sexual problems too, in the begininning i didn't want it as much as she did, which lead to her feeling rejected and she still holds on to those feelings even though the tables have now turned (i want sex more than she does, i think she avoids it now). weve been together 8 months now, i know she would say the sex thing hasnt gotten better and ive made no attempt which is not true i have been initiating a lot more (she doesnt even initiate at all anymore) the last time we tried having sex though was monday morning i went down on her and she stopped me to look at the clock and say 'you shouldn't be late to work' sorry for the rant, didn't know what all to include and what not to. my minds just racing and i know i shouldnt contact her at all. this morning i wrote a long email and deleted it. i started two texts and deleted them. i know ive come off to her as clingy and weak and have failed to sexually gratify her so i know things look very doomed. just want to hear from some others with similar experiences while i wait for the inevitable. Give her the space she needs. The relationship is weak at best anyway. Get camping gear and go by yourself. Let her come to you if she is going to. Be prepared to move on, though. When someone tells me they want space, I become NASA. They can call Houston when they figure out what their problem is. Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Give her space right now. Camping trip is the least of your problems. When she's feeling better have a talk with her and see what's going on. Don't overreact right now. Just try and keep your cool and see how things work out. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
kismetkismet Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Wait.. she didn't even say she needs "space" she just said she needed one night alone, no? The fact that she's been cold and such lately may be an indicator of larger problems, but just asking for one night alone on it's own is not a big deal at all!! People are really overreacting here.. Particularly if she has a lot of external stressors. Personally i need nights to myself every now and then to get my head together, it doesn't have anything to do with my boyfriend. I just get tired and overwhelmed sometimes and need some time alone. Ask her how she's doing, but if she needs another night alone let her have it and then ask if there is anything that the two of you need to talk about/if she's ok/if there's anything you can do. I'd have a chat with her about how she's feeling sometime soon, but not because of that text or needing that ONE night. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 (edited) ^^Good point. Edited November 12, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 i try and see things from her perspective as much as possible. she has a very slow semester right now, 1 online class (that I do all the work for, currently has an A in it) and one real class she goes to and is failing. I try to help her with her homework and encourage her to go to tutoring. I wouldn't be able to deal with this shenanigans, nope. "the camping trip was her idea. its not like she needs to study right now (Not like she would if she needed to, shes given up on school and has a very apathetic attitude towards it and life right now :/)" This sounds like the major issue. Talk to her about this. Is she depressed? Does she want/need to take a term off and see a therapist or explore what she will feel passionate about? Bear in mind, taking time for some soul searching may not include you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Asking for a night alone isn't a big deal, in my opinion. However, having problems in and out of the bedroom after just 8 months is concerning. What other types of problems have you been having as a couple? The fact that she's gone silent just before going away for the weekend is frustrating. I'm guessing she no longer wants to go, but she needs to communicate that to you. I would just pick up the phone and get confirmation that she isn't joining you and wish her a good weekend. Then you go and enjoy the outdoors for a couple days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 She suggested a camping trip, then phoned you for a break? I don't even understand that thinking, how does that relate? Seems like there may be more issues that you aren't privy to right now, Take it easy, be the rock she needs, and find out whats going down! Link to post Share on other sites
Author concerned111 Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 good god. there has been a development. she just EXPLODED on me. i couldn't stand the tension so i texted her asking if it was over. she said what no and i asked if she wanted to camp still she said yes but was till VERY short/ rude. then an hour later she texts saying she wants to be alone and doesnt want to go camping. i called her and told her what the ****. i told her how her being so distant has really been upsetting me all week and asked whats wrong. then she starts saying how i've been keeping things from her and accused me of keeping things from her and talking to people behind her back. (she has a history of thinking people are scheming behind her back..) she told me she was freaking out about money and i told her if thats the case I would pay for the whole weekend like I already pay for everything i've told her in the past im happy to and dont care. dont think thats the real reason. few weeks ago she had a breakdown while we were out in public, and an old friend tried calling her at that time. she accused me of talking to that friend behind her back (i haven't spoken to this girl in like a year and we were never really friends at all so I would have no reason to) and she thought it was too coincidental and i said it is juts coincidence and she said **** you **** you **** you and hung up and now wont talk to me. do i go over to her house after work? or just leave her the **** alone and hope she changes her mind on things? ****. Link to post Share on other sites
empresario Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 good god. there has been a development. she just EXPLODED on me. i couldn't stand the tension so i texted her asking if it was over. she said what no and i asked if she wanted to camp still she said yes but was till VERY short/ rude. then an hour later she texts saying she wants to be alone and doesnt want to go camping. i called her and told her what the ****. i told her how her being so distant has really been upsetting me all week and asked whats wrong. then she starts saying how i've been keeping things from her and accused me of keeping things from her and talking to people behind her back. (she has a history of thinking people are scheming behind her back..) she told me she was freaking out about money and i told her if thats the case I would pay for the whole weekend like I already pay for everything i've told her in the past im happy to and dont care. dont think thats the real reason. few weeks ago she had a breakdown while we were out in public, and an old friend tried calling her at that time. she accused me of talking to that friend behind her back (i haven't spoken to this girl in like a year and we were never really friends at all so I would have no reason to) and she thought it was too coincidental and i said it is juts coincidence and she said **** you **** you **** you and hung up and now wont talk to me. do i go over to her house after work? or just leave her the **** alone and hope she changes her mind on things? ****. Do you need this woman in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
kismetkismet Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Does she have mental health issues? That all seems very paranoid and erratic. I just ask because that would change the approach.. as opposed to someone who is just being very moody and unhappy (and quite frankly unfair). Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 The horn sounding in front of you is the warning to "back away from this girl".... She is showing you some paranoria and needs to get some help. You cannot fix this and it will only cause you and her stress. You don't need to break up necessarily but you do need to create some distance between yourself and her for your own protection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author concerned111 Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 honestly she might. she has history of depression and paranoid/ erratic behavior. there have been times in our relationship where i thought she was bipolar. i have read up extensively on schizophrenia and bi polar disorders and yea, she might have something serious going on. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Does she have mental health issues? That all seems very paranoid and erratic. I just ask because that would change the approach.. as opposed to someone who is just being very moody and unhappy (and quite frankly unfair). I was coming to post the same thing. This sounds far different from someone who's just suffering from some normal school or financial stress. I take it there's a bit of a pattern of strange behaviour, OP? Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 few weeks ago she had a breakdown while we were out in public, and an old friend tried calling her at that time. she accused me of talking to that friend behind her back (i haven't spoken to this girl in like a year and we were never really friends at all so I would have no reason to) and she thought it was too coincidental and i said it is juts coincidence and she said **** you **** you **** you and hung up and now wont talk to me.So, did she stop talking to you on Wed, or from a few months ago when she exploded on you? And why is she so upset about a friend, who coincidentally, called you at that very moment a few months ago? Was it someone you were previously involved with? ADDED - And why, after THIS HAPPENED, did you plan a camping trip? Link to post Share on other sites
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