CalvinM Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I'm 34 and I've been seeing my girlfriend 35, for about two months and theres a guy on facebook who likes all her posts and comments a lot too. I didn't want to mention it, because I didn't want to come off as insecure and "it's just social media." A few weeks ago we were talking about something else and she brought it up (I honestly can't remember why she steered the conversation in that direction, but I let her talk). She basically asked if I'd noticed one of her friends liking all her posts and that he comments on a lot of them too. She doesn't necessarily encourage it and even mentioned gently ribbing him about how he "likes" a lot of the photos she posts. It's pretty clear he likes her, and she doesn't do a whole lot from what I can tell to get him to cool it. My question is, is she likely doing this to boost his self esteem (she compared his persona to Eeyore), or is this something I should keep my eye on and perhaps mention when I see her this weekend?
ravfour4 Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 C'mon Calvin, she's not letting him like all her pictures to boost his self esteem. It boosts hers and she likes it, and if she likes his comments or still talks to him, she's encouraging that behavior...because she likes it. It would be much more telling if you remembered what was said before she brought him up, it could have helped determine what made her think of him. It sounds a bit sketchy to me, I would keep an eye on it or tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable. If she's not cool with that, you probably don't want to be with her. Girls always bash guys their "bf" is worried about, doesn't mean she's not totally into him. 1
Miss Peach Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 I guess for me it would depend on how/where they would see each other or interact. If it's really bothering you can could ask her to be more discouraging but she has no control over this other guy's behavior so don't expect her to police him. I have a feeling my BF was going to say something about a guy who asked me to do something once in front of BF at a group event. The thing is I know this guy is super flaky and just said 'oh ok' and then changed the subject knowing he would never actually follow through and didn't want to get into my dating life in front of the entire group (most are not people either of us know well). I think it would be pretty clear to anyone that BF and I are at least very friendly and know each other. I only see this guy in group outings where my BF is welcome to come to.
Author CalvinM Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 From what I can tell, they don't hang out very often. Once a month maybe, since she's the type to check in on facebook when she goes out to eat with a group. But she went for dinner with him last month alone to celebrate his new job. I don't mind her having male friends, but I'm a bit uncomfortable with this guy, since it's clear by his comments and the attention he gives that he likes her. How would I even bring it up?
kismetkismet Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I have a few guys on my facebook that like and comment on nearly everything that I post. One of them is a friend, but the others are guys I barely ever even see in real life. It doesn't really mean anything because they're not inappropriate comments.. I think they are just 'like happy' and like a lot of things all the time, and/or they think i'm funny or cute or something. that's as far as it goes. But i guess this is a bit different because they are actually decently good friends. What kinds of things does he say in the comments? Are the photos that he likes deliberately sexual or to be 'pretty' or are they more about what she is doing?
thecrucible Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 What sort of comments are there? I have some guy friends and exes who pop up on my comments a lot, like my pictures or PM me for a chat. It doesn't mean anything more than friendly catch-up to me. I don't do anything to actively encourage it and I certainly have no intention of dating them or anything like that. I don't think I'm the only woman who experiences this. Since your lady brought this up, I'd take that as a good sign of there being nothing to worry about.
thecrucible Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I don't mind her having male friends, but I'm a bit uncomfortable with this guy, since it's clear by his comments and the attention he gives that he likes her. Can you share with us some examples of the comments? How would I even bring it up? A way to do it could be to introduce it in terms of a general conversation about your expectations for the relationship such what you'd both be comfortable with regarding friendships with the opposite sex. You could frame it as a question for her about how she feels about your female friendships then it can segue into a discussion of this situation as well. 1
Versacehottie Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 She's not the one "doing" anything. That guy is. Idk, how would you tell a guy to cool it? Unless the comments are completely inappropriate where it is disrespectful in general. It might be a bit of an ego boost and she might be letting you in on it to make you jealous OR sooth your fears knowing you might have seen some of it. I can just imagine myself in her position and I probably wouldn't tell some guy to knock it off. I would just block him if the stuff was really inappropriate. But even borderline, I would just probably let it slide. Doesn't mean anything. She can't control what he does and probably doesn't want to make a big deal. If she keeps mentioning it to you, ask her what her reason is for mentioning it. Calmly somewhat call her out. Tease her if you think she is trying to make you jealous, aka show her "that's not working"! If you think she is trying to include you to make everything on up and up, then tell her thanks for clarifying and you appreciate the openness AND you're not worried about some instagram guy. You know she's all yours. I swear, use your confidence. Edited to add: if you think she's flirty to plant a seed for the future with him, then don't know why you'd want to be with her. I didn't get that impression though
oregon0011 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I'm 34 and I've been seeing my girlfriend 35, for about two months and theres a guy on facebook who likes all her posts and comments a lot too. I didn't want to mention it, because I didn't want to come off as insecure and "it's just social media." A few weeks ago we were talking about something else and she brought it up (I honestly can't remember why she steered the conversation in that direction, but I let her talk). She basically asked if I'd noticed one of her friends liking all her posts and that he comments on a lot of them too. She doesn't necessarily encourage it and even mentioned gently ribbing him about how he "likes" a lot of the photos she posts. It's pretty clear he likes her, and she doesn't do a whole lot from what I can tell to get him to cool it. My question is, is she likely doing this to boost his self esteem (she compared his persona to Eeyore), or is this something I should keep my eye on and perhaps mention when I see her this weekend? You have only been seeing her two months? And are obsessing over her Facebook? Expect some guy to "cool it"? You need to be the type of guy that doesn't even care if she has Facebook..Just too busy and important to even be this involved in her social media life.. 4
katiegrl Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) I have a few guys on my facebook that like and comment on nearly everything that I post. Would you deem it necessary to bring this^^ to your boyfriend's attention though? A few weeks ago we were talking about something else and she brought it up (I honestly can't remember why she steered the conversation in that direction, but I let her talk). She basically asked if I'd noticed one of her friends liking all her posts and that he comments on a lot of them too. Isn't it obvious why she brought it up? Come on now. She was attempting to provoke jealously, THAT is why she brought it up.. I mean, why the hell mention it? What's the point, other than hoping to provoke jealousy? You should have responded "yeah I noticed it," and then changed the subject. If she knows it bugs you, she will up the ante and continue saying and doing things to provoke a jealous reaction, or just any reaction. So stupid. Don't fall for it... she's insecure. Just act like it's no big deal. Edited November 6, 2015 by katiegrl 1
ravfour4 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 ^ agree, it's either to invoke jealously or its her weird way of telling him about another guy she likes, her way of letting off a little guilt
katiegrl Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) ^ agree, it's either to invoke jealously or its her weird way of telling him about another guy she likes, her way of letting off a little guilt I am more inclined to think it was the former. Soooooo many women do this, it is so common, that I am shocked more guys can't see through that shyt.... it's just so obvious! Next she'll be telling you how many guys approached/hit on her that day.... I know women who do that too! Such silliness.... again, don't fall for it Calvin. Just ignore or shrug it off. It's just insecurity. Wish you luck with this one... Edited November 6, 2015 by katiegrl
Author CalvinM Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 I honestly hadn't noticed that he was originally doing it. She basically said her and her friends laugh about it. That they can tell when he's online, because even if it's only been a few minutes since the post, he'll like it or comment. I'm not sure there's a point in time when someone should be concerned their SO is flirting, so that's a pretty stupid comment to make, imo. I'm bothered enough that he's annoying, fat and bald. She said hes really negative and I know in a million years she'd never go for that "kind" of guy, but it's still odd that she'd encourage it.
oregon0011 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) I honestly hadn't noticed that he was originally doing it. She basically said her and her friends laugh about it. That they can tell when he's online, because even if it's only been a few minutes since the post, he'll like it or comment. I'm not sure there's a point in time when someone should be concerned their SO is flirting, so that's a pretty stupid comment to make, imo. I'm bothered enough that he's annoying, fat and bald. She said hes really negative and I know in a million years she'd never go for that "kind" of guy, but it's still odd that she'd encourage it. A. You feel she IS flirting with a guy she would never be with? I am confused..This seems like an issue that will go away on its own shortly. B. You need to worry about the guys she is instant messaging that she does not mention..Since you are at this exclusive point, do you have her passwords? Edited November 6, 2015 by oregon0011
Author CalvinM Posted November 6, 2015 Author Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) I don't think she's flirting, but he is. And while she doesn't necessarily encourage it, it doesn't seem like she does much to stop it either. I don't think he has many friends, or much of a social life, so at least from what I've seen, she does it to make him feel like part of her social circle. Edited November 6, 2015 by CalvinM
oregon0011 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) I honestly don't think she's flirting, but he is. And while she doesn't necessarily encourage it, it doesn't seem like she does much to stop it either. I don't think he has many friends, or much of a social life, so at least from what I've seen, she does it to make him feel like part of her social circle. The least of your worries is some guy she would never be into posting likes on her page.. Bringing this up will just make you look insecure..At that point she will leave you for another guy. Would James Bond be bent out of shape over this? Edited November 6, 2015 by oregon0011
gaius Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 You should probably just let her have her ego boosts. As long as she's not being inappropriate in return. If your relationship is healthy she won't end up doing anything with any other guy and will just funnel that good feeling from being desired back into being with you. And if it's not and she ends up developing something with some other guy then good for her. What are you gonna do, run around fighting over some fat slob just to kill the potential of that? She either loves you, realizes how lucky she is to be with you and wants to stay that way or she doesn't.
ravfour4 Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 In my experience, the flirty obsessed guy she'd "never be with" ends up turning into something down the line. I've seen it happen 3-4 times.
truth_seeker Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 My question is, is she likely doing this to boost his self esteem (she compared his persona to Eeyore), or is this something I should keep my eye on and perhaps mention when I see her this weekend? She definitely likes it. Now, if this guy lives in another state, country, who cares. She won't see him. If he lives in the same city/town and they happen to cross paths, then I would be concerned. The guy knows she's dating you, right? Obviously, he has no regard for you as he keeps flirting for all to see... How about you write a comment the next time he makes comment? Nothing directed at him but rather indirectly. Something affectionate towards your girlfriend. He'll get the message.
katiegrl Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 I don't think she's flirting, but he is. And while she doesn't necessarily encourage it, it doesn't seem like she does much to stop it either. I don't think he has many friends, or much of a social life, so at least from what I've seen, she does it to make him feel like part of her social circle. Well her goal (of turning you into a complete insecure basket case) has been accomplished. In fact, you are so caught up now in what this all means, you are incapable of seeing that she just succeeded in totally manipulating you. Now you are insecure and wondering. THAT is why she told you. And THAT is what you should be focusing on. Why you are allowing her to manipulate you with this shyt!
kismetkismet Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 Would you deem it necessary to bring this^^ to your boyfriend's attention though? No I definitely wouldnt, that's true.. mainly just because it's totally inconsequential. I still think that the content of the comments is key here. Is he saying flirtatious things? or just random comments?
katiegrl Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 No I definitely wouldnt, that's true.. mainly just because it's totally inconsequential. Exactly, it's inconsequential. So again, why did she mention it then? To invoke jealousy and manipulate. OP is disregarding this, not sure why. But he is making a big mistake by doing so. Huge red flag when women do this! 2
Miss Peach Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 If you both are in an official relationship, why not just bring up the discussion of what you feel are good boundaries with friends, what your friends are like that the other hasn't met, etc.? This is a conversation I've had at the beginning of most relationships. It doesn't need to be about this guy in particular but you can just make sure you are both in sync in the behaviors and boundaries here. It can be things like how often she goes out with her group, what types of friends are in it, do you like to have guys nights, etc. Just make sure you are both on the same page and can talk through areas that might be troubling. 1
Author CalvinM Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 Exactly, it's inconsequential. So again, why did she mention it then? To invoke jealousy and manipulate. OP is disregarding this, not sure why. But he is making a big mistake by doing so. Huge red flag when women do this! As I remember it, she brought it up in an almost joking sort of way. If she's calling him out on it, I'm not sure it's something she enjoys, but perhaps a way to help him feel included. I don't think it was brought up to make me jealous. I'm not jealous, just a bit confused as to why this particular guy is liking everything my girlfriend posts. It's borderline creepy, imo.
crederer Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 Some people on fb "like" virtually every post from every friend they have on there. Maybe he's one of those types.
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