disneyfan90 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I'm dating a guy who is absolutely amazing. We seem to have a great connection and wonderful chemistry. He was actually a childhood friend of mine, and we've reconnected many years later. There is one thing that I'm worried about, though. I'm almost 25, and I'm a virgin. I know that it's pretty rare nowadays, and from what I hear some guys may be turned off by that? I have had several boyfriends in the past, but I never had sex with any them. With my first boyfriend, I wanted to do it, but I was young and insecure. With the two guys after him, I didn't really have a desire to do it, I'm not sure why. I suppose I wasn't truly attracted to them. Basically, I'm not a virgin because of my beliefs or anything--things just turned out that way. With the guy I'm dating now, things are very different. I am very much attracted to him, and this time I actually want to have sex with him. And no longer am I scared or insecure. But what I am somewhat nervous about is how he may react if he finds out that I am a virgin at my age. I almost wish now that I had done it with one of my exes, just so I'd have more experience. I've been told that if he is the right guy, he won't mind, and I hope that's true. I would hate for my lack of experience to ruin what we have. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with virgins or non-virgins--whatever floats your boat. So I just wanted to hear what other people think. So what is your honest opinion about this? I've spent a lot of time thinking about it, but is it something to even worry about? Some part of me thinks it's silly to be thinking about this, but the other part of me isn't so sure. Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I'm dating a guy who is absolutely amazing. We seem to have a great connection and wonderful chemistry. He was actually a childhood friend of mine, and we've reconnected many years later. There is one thing that I'm worried about, though. I'm almost 25, and I'm a virgin. I know that it's pretty rare nowadays, and from what I hear some guys may be turned off by that? I have had several boyfriends in the past, but I never had sex with any them. With my first boyfriend, I wanted to do it, but I was young and insecure. With the two guys after him, I didn't really have a desire to do it, I'm not sure why. I suppose I wasn't truly attracted to them. Basically, I'm not a virgin because of my beliefs or anything--things just turned out that way. With the guy I'm dating now, things are very different. I am very much attracted to him, and this time I actually want to have sex with him. And no longer am I scared or insecure. But what I am somewhat nervous about is how he may react if he finds out that I am a virgin at my age. I almost wish now that I had done it with one of my exes, just so I'd have more experience. I've been told that if he is the right guy, he won't mind, and I hope that's true. I would hate for my lack of experience to ruin what we have. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with virgins or non-virgins--whatever floats your boat. So I just wanted to hear what other people think. So what is your honest opinion about this? I've spent a lot of time thinking about it, but is it something to even worry about? Some part of me thinks it's silly to be thinking about this, but the other part of me isn't so sure. If he is that great it will be fine Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I ma interested to see the answers. I have a friend who is 30 and a virgin. She has always wanted to save it for her future husband (she's single now) but now she is asking me if she should just find a random guy to take her virginity because some guy friends tell her "guys will find you weird/be scared by you" Link to post Share on other sites
itsallamystery Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I've been told that if he is the right guy, he won't mind, and I hope that's true. Think about it logically. You have saved yourself for a reason. Your morals supercede your desire to have sex in the past. Therefore, if he did mind, that would be because your moral compasses were in too much of a different direction. If I'm a guy thats looking for sex, then that might be off putting. If I'm somebody looking for a genuine relationship with a solid connection it wont be. IMHO, the reality is, he may be in the middle. He may wish for you to be better, but he certainly wont mind. If the connection is there, the sex ( and thats assuming its bad) can always be improved. I personally dont think first times are ever magical (whether when young, one-night, drunk, etc...) or even that great. But as you guys learn each other is when it gets amazing (for me at least). 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 As long as she was up to the deed after saying 'yes' to it, I wouldn't have an issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sparkles_and_me Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 OP, I was almost 26 when I lost it. I don't think a guy would mind if he really likes/loves you. I was trying to save it for my future husband but things just happened. Just don't think about it too much and let it happen naturally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I don't get why this would be seen as a bad thing. He gets to act like a master and teach you everything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Apparently there are allot of concerns guys have over their lady being a virgin. Most of them i do not understand except 1.... It is a bit of a red flag of low sex drive. And how can you really know for certain that is not true at least to some degree? Link to post Share on other sites
jam.over.jelly Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 It is a bit of a red flag of low sex drive. The thing is, people don't crave something they have never experienced before. How would she know what sex really is like if she hasn't had sex? She will more likely want to have sex more AFTER she actually does it. I wouldn't think it's an indication for low sex drive 4 Link to post Share on other sites
itsallamystery Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 The thing is, people don't crave something they have never experienced before. How would she know what sex really is like if she hasn't had sex? She will more likely want to have sex more AFTER she actually does it. I wouldn't think it's an indication for low sex drive although I've never had a million dollars and I certainly crave that Link to post Share on other sites
jam.over.jelly Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 although I've never had a million dollars and I certainly crave that I assume you're kidding. Lol. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 (edited) It would depend. 1) A virgin woman that's in touch w/her sexuality. She's dated, great at ALL aspects of foreplay, masturbates regularly, and is not an uptight prude about things like porn, sexual humor, etc.. She'd be able to hold her own in some aspects and be a willing student for the right teacher in others. The only thing about her virginity is that it's a formality because she wants the right guy. This is a virgin woman I could definitely go for. I know that she cares about romance and has high standards, but would also never be boring. 2) A virgin woman that's not in touch w/her sexuality. Limited to no dating experience, has only kissed a guy fully clothed, gets uneasy around anything sexual, and either ignores her urges or doesn't have them period. Women like these are usually either highly religious or still attached to their childhood. My GF's cousin is like this. She's a 26 year old virgin that's never had a boyfriend, completely sexually naive, collects a vast array of stuffed animals, and only watches Disney movies. That's why I was a bit amused by your user name. But this is the type of virgin I'd definitely want to avoid. BTW - I'm curious. Did your love of Disney influence your romantic expectations at all and want to make you wait until you found Prince Charming? I think some women develop a fairy tale mindset which isn't realistic in dating that leads to a lot of frustration on their part. Edited October 16, 2015 by fitnessfan365 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Shoot, fitness. I think we are brothers and didn't know it. Seriously. I've pointed out psychologically to many women how their expectations of guys come from Disney movies, and in real life nice guys are useless. And if she's good looking and a virgin, that's a huuuuuuge plus to me. Lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan_XD Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I'd have a lot of respect for a virgin at that age. Especially if she's choosing me to take her virginity - Don't worry about it, he will be fine about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Man, Disney sure cops a lot of flak, don't they? The militant feminists give them flak for drawing unrealistic women's bodies and portraying women as damsels in distress. The LS dudes give them flak for apparently brainwashing women into unrealistic expectations of men. I'm surprised nobody is going after them for wrongly teaching kids that birds can do your laundry for you and that snowmen can talk... Anyway, OP... there are varying degrees of 'virgin', really. From someone who has never even kissed or made out with anyone, to someone who's pretty much done everything there is to do besides vaginal intercourse. You don't appear to be the former, so probably the latter or somewhere in between. I really doubt any man worth your time will have any problems with this. If he does, you probably shouldn't be having sex with him anyway, so it's a good filter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Revan32 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 The thing is, people don't crave something they have never experienced before. How would she know what sex really is like if she hasn't had sex? She will more likely want to have sex more AFTER she actually does it. I wouldn't think it's an indication for low sex drive You clearly know nothing of the life of a teenage boy. lol For the right reasons, I consider virginity to be a great sign. I would love it if I could marry a virgin. Just as long as she's been saving it for religious reasons or for marriage. If she just finds sex gross like one girl I know, then no thanks. But its pretty easy to figure out how strong her sex drive is while dating, even without having sex. So I'm not too worried about that. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 According to some other threads, a virgin woman is the only woman worth having, so I think you'll be fine 1 Link to post Share on other sites
marychapman Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 The guy I lost my virginity to was very stressed about it. I was 20 at that time and his other "virgin" had been when he was 17 ... they were both young and inexperienced and the girl freaked totally out and there was a lot of blood and tears and hysteria ... I had to encourage him the whole time and tell him I was alright. He treated me like I was made of porcelain and it took a lot uh ,..convincing on my part for him to "let go". It kind of felt like he was more worried about the whole thing than I was. It was very sweet tho. So some guys might be stressed about it. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 It would depend. 1) A virgin woman that's in touch w/her sexuality. She's dated, great at ALL aspects of foreplay, masturbates regularly, and is not an uptight prude about things like porn, sexual humor, etc.. She'd be able to hold her own in some aspects and be a willing student for the right teacher in others. The only thing about her virginity is that it's a formality because she wants the right guy. This is a virgin woman I could definitely go for. I know that she cares about romance and has high standards, but would also never be boring. 2) A virgin woman that's not in touch w/her sexuality. Limited to no dating experience, has only kissed a guy fully clothed, gets uneasy around anything sexual, and either ignores her urges or doesn't have them period. Women like these are usually either highly religious or still attached to their childhood. My GF's cousin is like this. She's a 26 year old virgin that's never had a boyfriend, completely sexually naive, collects a vast array of stuffed animals, and only watches Disney movies. That's why I was a bit amused by your user name. But this is the type of virgin I'd definitely want to avoid. BTW - I'm curious. Did your love of Disney influence your romantic expectations at all and want to make you wait until you found Prince Charming? I think some women develop a fairy tale mindset which isn't realistic in dating that leads to a lot of frustration on their part. I pretty much agree. If it's because she has a low sex drive or finds sex disgusting than it just won't work. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 A 25 year old virgin (with sex drive)... no problemo. A Disney fanatic... instant dealbreaker regardless of age or anything else. I can't relate. It's kiddie fantasy, nothing more. The worst 3 days of my entire life were at Disneyworld. My ex and her sister took the kids many times after that. I declined, and of course was harshly criticized for it. The whole Princess - Prince Charming - fairy tale mentality exists in a lot of women, even if they have no affinity for disney. Instant deal breaker. Link to post Share on other sites
Author disneyfan90 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 (edited) It would depend. 1) A virgin woman that's in touch w/her sexuality. She's dated, great at ALL aspects of foreplay, masturbates regularly, and is not an uptight prude about things like porn, sexual humor, etc.. She'd be able to hold her own in some aspects and be a willing student for the right teacher in others. The only thing about her virginity is that it's a formality because she wants the right guy. This is a virgin woman I could definitely go for. I know that she cares about romance and has high standards, but would also never be boring. 2) A virgin woman that's not in touch w/her sexuality. Limited to no dating experience, has only kissed a guy fully clothed, gets uneasy around anything sexual, and either ignores her urges or doesn't have them period. Women like these are usually either highly religious or still attached to their childhood. My GF's cousin is like this. She's a 26 year old virgin that's never had a boyfriend, completely sexually naive, collects a vast array of stuffed animals, and only watches Disney movies. That's why I was a bit amused by your user name. But this is the type of virgin I'd definitely want to avoid. BTW - I'm curious. Did your love of Disney influence your romantic expectations at all and want to make you wait until you found Prince Charming? I think some women develop a fairy tale mindset which isn't realistic in dating that leads to a lot of frustration on their part. I agree with this answer. I'm more of a category 1 than 2. I'm not sure that I am great at ALL aspects of foreplay, but I'm willing to learn. I definitely don't get uneasy around anything sexual, and can see how that would be such a turnoff! I only wish now that I had sex with one of my exes in the past, just so that I'd have more experience now and at least be familiar with the sensations. But it is true that it can be learned--I just hope that the guy I'm with now will be somewhat patient with me Haha I do like Disney movies, but when it comes to relationships, I try to be as realistic as possible. Disney is just that---it's Disney. It's all fun and entertaining to watch, but reality is so different. I actually wasn't trying to wait until I found "Prince Charming"--I never really thought about it that way. Things just turned out the way they did, but like I said, I truly wish I hadn't waited this long lol. Edited October 16, 2015 by disneyfan90 Link to post Share on other sites
Author disneyfan90 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 Man, Disney sure cops a lot of flak, don't they? The militant feminists give them flak for drawing unrealistic women's bodies and portraying women as damsels in distress. The LS dudes give them flak for apparently brainwashing women into unrealistic expectations of men. I'm surprised nobody is going after them for wrongly teaching kids that birds can do your laundry for you and that snowmen can talk... Anyway, OP... there are varying degrees of 'virgin', really. From someone who has never even kissed or made out with anyone, to someone who's pretty much done everything there is to do besides vaginal intercourse. You don't appear to be the former, so probably the latter or somewhere in between. I really doubt any man worth your time will have any problems with this. If he does, you probably shouldn't be having sex with him anyway, so it's a good filter. Thanks, this makes me feel a lot better! Indeed, I am somewhere in between so yeah, I suppose he wouldn't have too much of a problem with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author disneyfan90 Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 The thing is, people don't crave something they have never experienced before. How would she know what sex really is like if she hasn't had sex? She will more likely want to have sex more AFTER she actually does it. I wouldn't think it's an indication for low sex drive I guess this also depends a lot on how attracted you are to the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I agree with this answer. I'm more of a category 1 than 2. I'm not sure that I am great at ALL aspects of foreplay, but I'm willing to learn. I definitely don't get uneasy around anything sexual, and can see how that would be such a turnoff! I only wish now that I had sex with one of my exes in the past, just so that I'd have more experience now and at least be familiar with the sensations. But it is true that it can be learned--I just hope that the guy I'm with now will be somewhat patient with me Haha I do like Disney movies, but when it comes to relationships, I try to be as realistic as possible. Disney is just that---it's Disney. It's all fun and entertaining to watch, but reality is so different. I actually wasn't trying to wait until I found "Prince Charming"--I never really thought about it that way. Things just turned out the way they did, but like I said, I truly wish I hadn't waited this long lol. Well since you've had several boyfriends, I would've assumed you'd be a foreplay aficionado by now. After all, you'd have to adapt to keep them interested since actual sex was off the table. But it's hot that you're willing to be such a good student. But the best attitude to have is "better late than never". What will be especially nice for this guy is that you'll have a making up for lost time mentality. So you'll probably want it all the time. Haha Link to post Share on other sites
seekingluck Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 It would depend. 1) A virgin woman that's in touch w/her sexuality. She's dated, great at ALL aspects of foreplay, masturbates regularly, and is not an uptight prude about things like porn, sexual humor, etc.. She'd be able to hold her own in some aspects and be a willing student for the right teacher in others. The only thing about her virginity is that it's a formality because she wants the right guy. This is a virgin woman I could definitely go for. I know that she cares about romance and has high standards, but would also never be boring. 2) A virgin woman that's not in touch w/her sexuality. Limited to no dating experience, has only kissed a guy fully clothed, gets uneasy around anything sexual, and either ignores her urges or doesn't have them period. Women like these are usually either highly religious or still attached to their childhood. My GF's cousin is like this. She's a 26 year old virgin that's never had a boyfriend, completely sexually naive, collects a vast array of stuffed animals, and only watches Disney movies. That's why I was a bit amused by your user name. But this is the type of virgin I'd definitely want to avoid. BTW - I'm curious. Did your love of Disney influence your romantic expectations at all and want to make you wait until you found Prince Charming? I think some women develop a fairy tale mindset which isn't realistic in dating that leads to a lot of frustration on their part. I was someone who lost her virginity in her 20s. I was more #1 than #2. Just never met anyone before that I really wanted to have sex with. Or the right circumstances. I think some men worry that virgins will get too attached, if they aren't wanting to be too attached to that person. But if you are both on the same wavelength on where you want the relationship to go, it should not be an issue. I do have a religious friend who waited till marriage. And she got married in her 30s. Her doctors encouraged her to masturbate and other things to get used to the idea of sex, as she was a #2 person. Her and I definitely have different ideas about sex, but she is mom and her and her husband feel sexually connected. You won't know where you are on the spectrum till you try! Link to post Share on other sites
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