Why is he ignoring me all of a sudden?

[aquabubble.94]

Hi everyone! This is my first post on this forum and I'd really appreciate if you could give me some advice cause this is driving me crazy. It's probably going to be a long post so sorry about that...

 

So, about two months ago I met this guy at a party. He made it pretty clear that he was attracted to me but since both of us had been drinking, I didn't let anything happen between us. That's just not my style. He was cool with it though and since we live in the same dorm (we're both students), we went back home together. He paid for the cab and walked me to my door, after which he hugged me and said goodnight. He was really nice so I decided to give him my number.

 

I was curious if he would text me or if he only wanted sex but two days later I got a text from him and he asked if I wanted to hang out. Not sure if it was a date (he didn't specify) but he did insist on paying. He also apologised for being so persistent that night at the party even though it was no big deal. Anyways, I had a lot of fun with him so when he asked if I wanted to "hang out" again, I agreed. In the end, he hugged me but he didn't try to kiss me or anything so it seemed like he was taking things slow.

 

So, a week later we went on our second "date" and it was fun as well. We actually talked a lot about relationships and I told him that I've never had a boyfriend, only a friend with benefits. He seemed surprised but I wanted to see what he would do. I kinda expected him to just ask me to be FWB but he didn't. He did kiss me after that date though but it was totally innocent, which honestly took me by surprise.

 

The day after that, we were both planning to go to this big party and we decided to meet there. However, I got there pretty late and then I lost my friends (the party was huge) so I was in a pretty bad mood. He found me when another guy was trying to hit on me and after that he refused to leave my side. So basically he ditched his friends and spent the rest of the night with me, even though I was a bore because of my friends. I was worried about them so I guess it wasn't very fun for him but he said he didn't care. Then he told me he liked me and stupidly, I didn't say it back... My "brilliant" reply was: oh, really? I honestly didn't know what to say cause I wasn't sure if I liked him back or not. I've never really liked anyone before so yeah... He still stayed with me though and we took a cab back to uni (he paid again). After that, he just started ignoring me

 

So yeah, after a weak of silence I decided to text him first. I usually never do that but in this case, I wondered if he expected me to do that. So I sent him a Facebook message (if you can call "hey" a message) and he replied with: "hey, haven't heard from you in a while. How's uni?" but after that, he just went back to ignoring me even though I saw he was online a lot. I'm not the obsessive type who would bombard him with messages so after replying to his message I just waited but after a week there was still no reply... That's when I decided to just ask him why he's ignoring me so I started with can I ask you something. Got a reply within 5 minutes but when I asked why he's ignoring me he just denied it and gave me a lame excuse (busy, loaded with uni work). Now he's back to ignoring me and it's been two weeks.

 

So, if you're still reading, why do you think he's ignoring me like that? Oh, forgot to mention that he ignores me IRL as well. He just pretends like I don't exist. So, what could be the problem? It puzzles me that he would completely ignore me after showing so much interest at first. He was always the one to initiate and now he acts like he doesn't even know me. Could it be that I didn't show enough interest and he just gave up? I admit, I'm not very good at it and I guess I only realised that I like him when he started ignoring me any thoughts?

[Ami1uwant]

After the cab ride he was hoping to collect on the benefits.....that never happened.

[aquabubble.94]

After the cab ride he was hoping to collect on the benefits.....that never happened.

 

But he didn't ask. I actually expected him to but he didn't

[Disconnect]

Could it be that I didn't show enough interest and he just gave up? I admit, I'm not very good at it and I guess I only realised that I like him when he started ignoring me any thoughts?

 

That was the feeling I got. I don't think he was after the 'benefits', I think he's a decent guy and genuinely liked you for your character at the time. I think you blew it. My opinion only. Someone who has FWB can be a bit weird for some people to understand. Some people, including men don't find it easy to separate out feelings from sex. I think you were a bit harsh / hard for him. Hence why he's ignoring you now.

Edited September 22, 2015 by Disconnect
Typo

[Celeste.Carol]

Hi you sound sweet but it sounds from your description, bore, bad mood, and when he said he liked you a lot, you were silent. I would try to amp up the excitement and playfulness. You can do this without having sex.

 

 

I like to describe it as when a feline does that snug little dance/loop around the ankle...and then sweetly purrrrs! I have used this in a text one time with my guy to describe my feelings...he loved it.

[xUnknown]

I disagree Ami1uwant....

 

The guy never did anything to imply he just wanted to get with her. He paid for the cabs, walked her to her room like a gentlemen, never made a move on her...textbook "nice guy" moves.

 

I think the guy got fed up with how aquabubble was acting.

 

1) Her reply when he told her he liked him was very offputting. He was expecting to get the same (or at least something other than 'oh really?') in response.

 

2) He stayed with you while at the party to try and cheer you up (as best he could) - at the very least, be some sort of friendly company since your friends were gone.

 

3) She wasn't making any effort to reach out to him. "After a week of silence" she reached out with, "Hey". That's not much of anything.. I personally wouldn't have even responded.

 

4) She asked why he was ignoring her. Conversation is a 2 way street. Why were you ignoring him for that whole week? You put the blame totally on him. You're allowed to reach out too, you know?

 

Essentially, you never told him or made any notion that you were interested in him. Clearly you are, which is why you're posting here.

 

Call him up and you ask him out. Tell him you need to apologize for how you were acting the past several weeks. If he meets up with you and the apology and rest of the evening goes well - You kiss him. He probably won't want to make the move for fear of being rejected again, because that's essentially what you did.

[Ami1uwant]

But he didn't ask. I actually expected him to but he didn't

 

Even if it wasn't actual sex you likely showed little dings yo him that you were interested.

[Ami1uwant]

I disagree Ami1uwant....

 

The guy never did anything to imply he just wanted to get with her. He paid for the cabs, walked her to her room like a gentlemen, never made a move on her...textbook "nice guy" moves.

 

I think the guy got fed up with how aquabubble was acting.

 

1) Her reply when he told her he liked him was very offputting. He was expecting to get the same (or at least something other than 'oh really?') in response.

 

2) He stayed with you while at the party to try and cheer you up (as best he could) - at the very least, be some sort of friendly company since your friends were gone.

 

3) She wasn't making any effort to reach out to him. "After a week of silence" she reached out with, "Hey". That's not much of anything.. I personally wouldn't have even responded.

 

4) She asked why he was ignoring her. Conversation is a 2 way street. Why were you ignoring him for that whole week? You put the blame totally on him. You're allowed to reach out too, you know?

 

Essentially, you never told him or made any notion that you were interested in him. Clearly you are, which is why you're posting here.

 

Call him up and you ask him out. Tell him you need to apologize for how you were acting the past several weeks. If he meets up with you and the apology and rest of the evening goes well - You kiss him. He probably won't want to make the move for fear of being rejected again, because that's essentially what you did.

 

What I meant by the ve fits was he wasn't getting any relationshipvibe from her. It isn't just the sex but I bet she likely didn't hold hands with him or touch him or flirt eith him.

 

I have been on his end of this before her behavior to him was she wasn't interested.

 

He says forget this...

[Sean Yaho]

Unfortunately I doubt anyone on this site is a mind reader, and without him telling you there's little we could say that doesn't involve an "educated" guess.

 

Even trying to study his body language could be a challenge. If he's avoiding you you'll get the sense of some tension or awkwardness.

 

Overall this could be due to so many reasons. It could be anything from him finding someone else to him using no contact as a protest behavior just to get a reaction from you. Regardless of either this is putting a strain on you (otherwise you wouldn't be searching for advice).

 

I'd never say give up, but if he's being distant there's probably a reason. Don't jump to the conclusion of it being you because it most likely isn't. You're new to this so use it as a reference, an experience to learn from.

 

Oh and just a note: Try not mentioning the FWB thing to someone whos attracted to you unless they bring it up first. It can create some unnecessary tension.

[aquabubble.94]

That was the feeling I got. I don't think he was after the 'benefits', I think he's a decent guy and genuinely liked you for your character at the time. I think you blew it. My opinion only. Someone who has FWB can be a bit weird for some people to understand. Some people, including men don't find it easy to separate out feelings from sex. I think you were a bit harsh / hard for him. Hence why he's ignoring you now.

 

Oh, I didn't think of it that way but I'm pretty sure it was my fault. I'm not good at showing emotions and often times I end up pushing people away. That's why I prefer FWB. I honestly thought he would suggest a FWB relationship so I was really surprised when he didn't. I guess that's part of the reason I like him because he's one of the few guys who didn't ask for it... So what should I do in this situation? I don't want to come across as desperate and he's hasn't replied in 2 weeks now

[aquabubble.94]

Hi you sound sweet but it sounds from your description, bore, bad mood, and when he said he liked you a lot, you were silent. I would try to amp up the excitement and playfulness. You can do this without having sex.

 

 

I like to describe it as when a feline does that snug little dance/loop around the ankle...and then sweetly purrrrs! I have used this in a text one time with my guy to describe my feelings...he loved it.

 

But how am I supposed to do that when he's not replying? I don't even know if he's still interested

[aquabubble.94]

I disagree Ami1uwant....

 

The guy never did anything to imply he just wanted to get with her. He paid for the cabs, walked her to her room like a gentlemen, never made a move on her...textbook "nice guy" moves.

 

I think the guy got fed up with how aquabubble was acting.

 

1) Her reply when he told her he liked him was very offputting. He was expecting to get the same (or at least something other than 'oh really?') in response.

 

2) He stayed with you while at the party to try and cheer you up (as best he could) - at the very least, be some sort of friendly company since your friends were gone.

 

3) She wasn't making any effort to reach out to him. "After a week of silence" she reached out with, "Hey". That's not much of anything.. I personally wouldn't have even responded.

 

4) She asked why he was ignoring her. Conversation is a 2 way street. Why were you ignoring him for that whole week? You put the blame totally on him. You're allowed to reach out too, you know?

 

Essentially, you never told him or made any notion that you were interested in him. Clearly you are, which is why you're posting here.

 

Call him up and you ask him out. Tell him you need to apologize for how you were acting the past several weeks. If he meets up with you and the apology and rest of the evening goes well - You kiss him. He probably won't want to make the move for fear of being rejected again, because that's essentially what you did.

 

Now when you put it this way I kinda see why he's acting the way he is... So you think I should reach out to him? But what if he's not interested anymore?

[Celeste.Carol]

But how am I supposed to do that when he's not replying? I don't even know if he's still interested

 

Can you find out if there is another girl, because then it is basically pointless at this time. If not, you need to spike the interest again in a fun flirty way. What about a surprise text: Hey, would you be mad if I made out with a girl?

 

 

Something fun and light, no relationship or interest questions.

[aquabubble.94]

Unfortunately I doubt anyone on this site is a mind reader, and without him telling you there's little we could say that doesn't involve an "educated" guess.

 

Even trying to study his body language could be a challenge. If he's avoiding you you'll get the sense of some tension or awkwardness.

 

Overall this could be due to so many reasons. It could be anything from him finding someone else to him using no contact as a protest behavior just to get a reaction from you. Regardless of either this is putting a strain on you (otherwise you wouldn't be searching for advice).

 

I'd never say give up, but if he's being distant there's probably a reason. Don't jump to the conclusion of it being you because it most likely isn't. You're new to this so use it as a reference, an experience to learn from.

 

Oh and just a note: Try not mentioning the FWB thing to someone whos attracted to you unless they bring it up first. It can create some unnecessary tension.

 

He did bring it up. He asked how many guys I've dated so I admitted to never dating anyone and that it wasn't my thing. I could have lied but why would I? So then he asked what is your thing and I told him about having a FWB so you mean that I shouldn't have said that?

 

So you don't think there's anything I can do to fix it? I really wish he would just reply to my message cause maybe then I'd be brave enough to admit that I like him back... But I don't know if he still likes me or if he just moved on

[aquabubble.94]

Can you find out if there is another girl, because then it is basically pointless at this time. If not, you need to spike the interest again in a fun flirty way. What about a surprise text: Hey, would you be mad if I made out with a girl?

 

 

Something fun and light, no relationship or interest questions.

 

Not that I know of but I'm not sure. Maybe he just moved on

[katiegrl]

 

Then he told me he liked me and stupidly, I didn't say it back... My "brilliant" reply was: oh, really? I honestly didn't know what to say cause I wasn't sure if I liked him back or not. I've never really liked anyone before so yeah... He still stayed with me though and we took a cab back to uni (he paid again). After that, he just started ignoring me

 

 

 

And sweetie, after replying "oh really"?..... what's in bolded (and underlined).... is PRECISELY what he thought too....

 

Since he pulled back/started ignoring you immediately after that.... this is pretty much a no brainer.

 

He sensed you were not into him, and he's movin on.

Edited September 22, 2015 by katiegrl

[xUnknown]

Now when you put it this way I kinda see why he's acting the way he is... So you think I should reach out to him? But what if he's not interested anymore?

 

Yes. You should. Don't text him. Call him up and you ask him out. Tell him you need to apologize for how you were acting the past several weeks. If he meets up with you and the apology and rest of the evening goes well - You kiss him. He probably won't want to make the move for fear of being rejected again, because that's essentially what you did.

 

What I meant by the ve fits was he wasn't getting any relationshipvibe from her. It isn't just the sex but I bet she likely didn't hold hands with him or touch him or flirt eith him.

 

I have been on his end of this before her behavior to him was she wasn't interested.

 

He says forget this...

 

I gotcha now, yeah we're on the same page now.

Can you find out if there is another girl, because then it is basically pointless at this time. If not, you need to spike the interest again in a fun flirty way. What about a surprise text: Hey, would you be mad if I made out with a girl?

 

 

Something fun and light, no relationship or interest questions.

Prob not another girl, but maybe... he most likely got bored.

 

As far as that made out with a girl text - are you serious?? Are you trolling or being sarcastic? He'd probably just look at it and be like, "what the f**k is up with this girl's head". That would literally ruin any chance ever. How would that text message ever be a good idea?

 

He did bring it up. He asked how many guys I've dated so I admitted to never dating anyone and that it wasn't my thing. I could have lied but why would I? So then he asked what is your thing and I told him about having a FWB so you mean that I shouldn't have said that?

 

So you don't think there's anything I can do to fix it? I really wish he would just reply to my message cause maybe then I'd be brave enough to admit that I like him back... But I don't know if he still likes me or if he just moved on

 

He asked you because he was interested in you, trying to get a little bit about your history, getting to know you. Doesn't matter if you should or shouldn't have mentioned the FWB part or not. You were honest, and he accepted that answer and continued to try to see you. Seems like he was a pretty good guy to me.

 

Call him and ask him out and tell him you need to apologize. Tell him that you tend to hide emotions and push people away, which is is exactly what you did here.

Edited September 22, 2015 by xUnknown

[cif]

He's moved on.. and so should you. Don't contact him, you'll get the same crumbs.

[aquabubble.94]

Yes. You should. Don't text him. Call him up and you ask him out. Tell him you need to apologize for how you were acting the past several weeks. If he meets up with you and the apology and rest of the evening goes well - You kiss him. He probably won't want to make the move for fear of being rejected again, because that's essentially what you did.

 

 

 

I gotcha now, yeah we're on the same page now.

 

Prob not another girl, but maybe... he most likely got bored.

 

As far as that made out with a girl text - are you serious?? Are you trolling or being sarcastic? He'd probably just look at it and be like, "what the f**k is up with this girl's head". That would literally ruin any chance ever. How would that text message ever be a good idea?

 

 

 

He asked you because he was interested in you, trying to get a little bit about your history, getting to know you. Doesn't matter if you should or shouldn't have mentioned the FWB part or not. You were honest, and he accepted that answer and continued to try to see you. Seems like he was a pretty good guy to me.

 

Call him and ask him out and tell him you need to apologize. Tell him that you tend to hide emotions and push people away, which is is exactly what you did here.

 

Ok, thanks for the advice. I feel like such a bitch now

[xUnknown]

Any updates?

[Toodaloo]

OP you have ballsed this one up good and proper.

 

Do you want a relationship with this guy?

 

If your answer is no.

Leave him alone- take him off of facebook and just let him be.

 

If your answer is yes.

You live in the same halls. Get off your ass and find him. Take him something like some tickets to the cinema, game of bowling etc. Tell him you have been thinking about him and you want to thank him for being there when you needed someone and that you want to treat him. Do not facebook, do not text. You either go and find him or you ring him up.

 

I have just seen the dates that you posted this so it is probably too late. The other thing that may help is if you praise him to others. Tell them how wonderful you think he is and what an amazing guy he is. Don't over do it but make sure its to people who know his so it gets back to him....