treehugger101 Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Lately my Boyfriend and I have been doing nothing but fight. For instance two different nights, we were on webcam chat on Skype or Facetime and I decided to do my nails, paint them, the other night I was fixing my eyebrows, both of these times my Boyfriend goes "Oh getting ready for a date?" when I didn't have a date and he knows I am with him! Then the other night he says I was being controlling because I was keeping him up so late and he had school in the morning. THAT IS NOT CONTROLLING. Controlling to me is "You are not allowed to talk to family/friends" "You can't wear this outfit" "You can't go there or here" thats controlling to me. He keeps going on about how I am not being supportive, I am playing mind games with him, I need to tell him constantly supportive stuff like "everything will be ok" "you can do it" "I believe in you" or why do I like or love him?" Another thing that's going is that if we do have a fight he says "Let's just pretend that this fight never happened and forget it" Uh thats not the right way to handle the fight. You need to talk things out. But here's the thing we always talk over these fights and everything is fine in the end BUT then it all repeats itself the following day or a week later. I am tired of this happening time and time again. I am really worried that if we break up and he finds someone else, what if that person treats him ten times better than I was? Or he treats her ten times better than he treated me? I thought I was doing a great job in this relationship but I don't know anymore.
empresario Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 I've explained this before but it's worth noting here... There are 3 accepted styles of fighting in psychology. - Those that ignore - Those that yell - Those that debate Some people are a mixture of 2 of them and sometimes people change over time...but those are the three main ones. They say for a couple to be successful fighting (or having the best chance) is if they both have the same style. It seems like he likes to ignore them. The problem is, he seems to sit on these feelings and let them explode. That is definitely not healthy. He should be discussing things with you regularly or avoiding them altogether. Is it possible for you to set specific times to sit down with him and discuss issues? The best way to meet each others' needs is to talk about what those needs are. Always start with the 'why'-s and the 'what is the real problem'-s. --- Second issue: Why are you worrying about the breakup now? Why would it be important what you both do afterwards? This seems to be a personal issue. Even in a breakup you should wish the best for something. Have you ever heard about 'The Secret'? OK, it's garbage...for the most part. What is true about it, is when someone really wants something or doesn't want something, their mental outlook puts them in the position to get there. You having such a negative outlook on the whole thing and already considering what the relationship looks like post-breakup doesn't leave me with a lot of hope.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 Lately my Boyfriend and I have been doing nothing but fight. For instance two different nights, we were on webcam chat on Skype or Facetime and I decided to do my nails, paint them, the other night I was fixing my eyebrows, both of these times my Boyfriend goes "Oh getting ready for a date?" when I didn't have a date and he knows I am with him! Then the other night he says I was being controlling because I was keeping him up so late and he had school in the morning. THAT IS NOT CONTROLLING. Controlling to me is "You are not allowed to talk to family/friends" "You can't wear this outfit" "You can't go there or here" thats controlling to me. He keeps going on about how I am not being supportive, I am playing mind games with him, I need to tell him constantly supportive stuff like "everything will be ok" "you can do it" "I believe in you" or why do I like or love him?" Another thing that's going is that if we do have a fight he says "Let's just pretend that this fight never happened and forget it" Uh thats not the right way to handle the fight. You need to talk things out. But here's the thing we always talk over these fights and everything is fine in the end BUT then it all repeats itself the following day or a week later. I am tired of this happening time and time again. I am really worried that if we break up and he finds someone else, what if that person treats him ten times better than I was? Or he treats her ten times better than he treated me? I thought I was doing a great job in this relationship but I don't know anymore. This is irrelevant. If you are not happy in this relationship now, (and it doesn't sound like you are) you should end it. "What ifs" are never a good reason to stay if the relationship isn't making you happy. He sounds very needy.
Author treehugger101 Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 He is needy and clingy and I have never dated someone like this before.
Recommended Posts