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Men who keep in touch after


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Old 6th January 2005, 10:41 PM   #1
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Question Men who keep in touch after

I received a Christmas Card again from my ex. Sometimes I say hello on the internet with an IM or a quick e-mail. We met on the internet dating scene. We went to bed quickly and had a passionate rocky quick affair. He had done some lying and I had put myself in a bad situation. He left for 2 months and came back. We got into a fight unlike anything in my life and he still stuck around but said he didn't want a relationship. Honestly I tried to send him off because I was so hurt and wanted him gone. Once things settled I tried to say I had never done anything like that with anyone I don't think he quite believed it.

Well, four years has past. We do not get together as friends but go out of our way to talk a little bit. Out of the people I once loved and I think should be with me today they are nowhere. So it did make me wonder what determines if a man keeps in touch or not? Here is a man there was no long term sentiment, I don't work with him or share the same friends, we are not having ex-sex. Just curious...
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Old 7th January 2005, 10:31 AM   #2
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Maybe he just likes having some one out of his loop to talk to. I keep in contact with a few of my exes who live far away and there is pretty much no chance we would ever get back together. I'm not sure why I guess I just like having different sorts of friends.
To answer your question I think it just depends on the guy. Some people like to keep in touch with the people they meet throughout their lives, others cut then off when they have met new people.
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Old 7th January 2005, 10:37 AM   #3
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I think once a relationship ends, a lot of the desire to keep in touch fades. Even if a relationship ends on good terms, many exes don't keep in touch because they feel like they will never be able to get a fresh-start on something new if they are holding onto even a small part of the old. It's such a shame, really, because many times friendships go by the wayside just because the relationship doesn't work out. Such is life, I guess.
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Old 7th January 2005, 12:02 PM   #4
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To me, exes are exes for a reason, and their presense tends to confuse new relationships
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Old 7th January 2005, 12:17 PM   #5
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agree

Quote:
Originally posted by Cecelius
To me, exes are exes for a reason, and their presense tends to confuse new relationships
agreed, there is no reason to remain friends with an ex unless you have kids together. what is the point?
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Old 7th January 2005, 12:28 PM   #6
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I really wouldn't want a new girl in my life knowing that I am still hanging out or even talking with my exes. Causes a jealousy problem right from the start. And in the same sense, I don't really want to hear about my exs' new men.
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Old 7th January 2005, 3:41 PM   #7
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Pointless

While I can't say I agree with many of AlphaMale's postings (despite having a hint of truth), this time, there will be no qualifications from me. Why bother keeping in touch with ex? If you are strong-willed, you could not careless whether you keep in touch which in turns fade away that desire to, and if you are weak-willed, then staying in touch will add more to the pain and you die twice more inside.

As I read somewhere, there are friends for a season or a lifetime or something to that nature. So old friends go and new ones get formed.
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Old 7th January 2005, 3:46 PM   #8
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Re: Pointless

Quote:
Originally posted by GreenCap
While I can't say I agree with many of AlphaMale's postings (despite having a hint of truth), this time, there will be no qualifications from me. Why bother keeping in touch with ex? If you are strong-willed, you could not careless whether you keep in touch which in turns fade away that desire to, and if you are weak-willed, then staying in touch will add more to the pain and you die twice more inside.
You will see usually that it is the weak-willed "nice guys" that like to stay friends with an ex g/f. This is mainly cause they think if they stick around in her life in some capacity she will eventually see the light and come back to them, this rarely happens in real life.

Women are for having relationships and sex with and for having fun with. They are not put on this earth for men to be "FRIENDS" with.
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Old 7th January 2005, 3:53 PM   #9
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yeah, right on

After being three years with the ex, it really did a mental job on me and during my low points, I saw myself in the mirror and didn't recognize that fella. On the day she was leaving with her beau for a two week vacation (intl flight) to see each others' parents, I called her mobile (thought she left already) to just hear her voice but she picked up and was on the verge of getting on the plane. Caught by surprise, I muttered the first few things that came into my mind, of which the most pathetic was, "Can you please not go". She left and I felt like kaka and then I laughed. Since that day (Dec. 18), I have not written or called her (now that she's back). And life goes on...started to meet a girl at the local gym and we have been doing spinning dates twice already.
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Old 7th January 2005, 4:31 PM   #10
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Re: yeah, right on

Quote:
Originally posted by GreenCap
After being three years with the ex, it really did a mental job on me and during my low points, I saw myself in the mirror and didn't recognize that fella.

And life goes on...started to meet a girl at the local gym and we have been doing spinning dates twice already.
Many women love getting male attention, be it from a stranger, an ex or their current flame. Some women love to collect ex b/fs and stay "friends" with them after they have finished screwing with their heads for a period of time. It is an ego boost for them to have a new man every 6 months AND 50 ex b/f chasing after them at the same time. Watch out for women who have a lot of ex b/f as "friends".

It is a fallacy that men have larger egos than women, actually the reverse is more true.
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Old 7th January 2005, 4:35 PM   #11
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Re: Re: yeah, right on

Quote:
Originally posted by alphamale
Many women love getting male attention, be it from a stranger, an ex or their current flame. Some women love to collect ex b/fs and stay "friends" with them after they have finished screwing with their heads for a period of time. It is an ego boost for them to have a new man every 6 months AND 50 ex b/f chasing after them at the same time. Watch out for women who have a lot of ex b/f as "friends".
There is some truth to this. I've known some girls who keep their exes around because they do like the attention. I would agree that a woman who has a lot of ex boyfriends as friends could be a red flag.
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Old 7th January 2005, 6:34 PM   #12
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The more the man gets involved the more he'd like to forget her, that I know. So some LTRs in my life I know it's just too hard for them. Some exes I have not kept in touch with because they still are in love with me and what would be the point? Some men mistake friendship and interest too easily. It is hard for some men to forget about the sex and go back to being platonic. I think that is easier for women. I think that is why women want to be friends and men may have a harder time. And no offense, but sometimes men just fall harder than women. A gal seems to be O.K with it not working out and can move past the conflict to stay in touch.

Here, this ex dumped me after lying to me to sleep with me over and over, so me stringing him along for the pursuit of myself is untrue. I wanted to get him out of my life and the first few months he tried being friends was hard for me. I was just so bitter and why he bothered me to be a friend I don't know. Personally I would be scared of me. I really had little nice to say to him and I was angry enough to cut his tires (though I didn't). I assumed a back up as the sex we had was great was his only reason. Maybe he has selfish intentions but 4 years is a long time now and he doesn't try anything.

And I must admit I have gotten things out of the 4 years. I no longer blamed myself for moving to fast. I saw how he was and realized he wasn't what I thought. I realized so much of it was him and not me. And though he seemed cruel at the time, he was a good person who himself knew his head was on wrong toward woman and he wanted to change. I even saw him do things to women he loved and fall apart upset with himself. All those christmas cards, friendly low key e-mails have redeemed him and though I miss the great sex I'm too comfy and content to go back to changing outside of our simple friendship.

But yes, I do like getting male attention unless they are so pathetic it's insulting to know they thought they had a chance. I think most women like being friends after for different reasons aside from self flattery. But I am always skeptical when the guy wants to be friends after.

Last edited by Groovy; 7th January 2005 at 6:37 PM..
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Old 7th January 2005, 6:51 PM   #13
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Re: agree

Quote:
Originally posted by alphamale


agreed, there is no reason to remain friends with an ex unless you have kids together. what is the point?

Well having kids together does not mean you necessarily have to remain friends, it means you have to be polite and tolerate the other.
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