regdent Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I moved to a new city about 6 weeks ago for my residency. I didn't have much to do my first month here, so I went on a lot of dates. I couldn't find a girl I wanted to see again after one or two dates. They probably felt the same way, but that's not that important. Then, residency began about two weeks ago. All the new residents have been taking some classes together, and I met this girl named E. Her department and mine work together very closely. She was quiet at first, but she became more talkative after a few days. I learned we live only two blocks away from each other, and both of us have bikes. So, one day I suggested that we go for a bike ride to the beach nearby. She agreed, and I enjoyed spending time with her. I felt more attracted to her after the bike ride and found her on Facebook. There was a guy in her profile photo. It's not a typical couple shot, but it was more of a funny one. Anyway, I asked my friend who went to school with her to find out more about their relationship status. My buddy doesn't know them too well, but they supposedly have been together for some time now. She and I didn't talk about our relationship status when we hung out, and she didn't mention anything about him. I was not happy to find out about the existence of a boyfriend that lives thousands miles away. I said to myself, "Well, that's a lost cause." The problem, though, is that we have to be in the same damn lecture hall everyday. I can't just forget about her and move on because I see her daily. I can't just disappear and make her wonder about me, either. So, I feel like I am most likely to end up in the friend zone. I am sure she would make a great friend, but I don't want that as of now. I really hate the situation I am in. What the hell do I do?? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Give it your best shot. They're not married or living together. Boyfriends and girlfriends break up all the time because they find better boyfriends or girlfriends. Let her decide which man she wants to be with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Most LTRs are doomed to failure. Unless someone is in the military or prison, there's no legitimate reason for a LTR that's longer than 6 months. Just bring it up to her. Tell her that you like her & could see things going further, if she wasn't with someone. The fact that she didn't mention it to you when you went on your bike date tells me that she's not all in the RS anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Don't say anything about her relationship until she brings it up. Just go out and have fun with her and see how she acts. You don't want a girl that would cheat on her boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 well, she's not wearing a ring so don't panic Link to post Share on other sites
Author regdent Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 I have known this girl for about 3 weeks now. We have gone on three dates thus far. She and I spent the night together on our third date. She refused to have vaginal sex, but we got naked and went down on each other. We have our next date in about 6 days. We're gonna go hiking. As a guy who rarely seems to be able to get over the second date hump, I am so excited for a fourth date with this girl I find to be really awesome. At the same time, however, I am starting to get a little worried. It's only been three dates, but I feel more invested than usual now. Things have been pretty good up to this point, and I am now praying that I don't do anything to lower her interest level. This is probably not a good mindset to have, but I can't help it... What are some things I should do to maintain or raise her interest level? Also what are some things I should not do until we meet again in a few days? Help! Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 BE YOURSELF Stop fretting... Calm down. She likes you already, don't try and change up to be something you're not in the hopes of further impressing her... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) You know what most guys would do? Be her texting buddy all week and not see her again until the hike. My advice? Be spontaneous and assertive. Call her on the phone tomorrow and set up dinner at your place sometime this week before the hike. Ex - "Even though I'm looking forward to the hike, I've decided I don't want to wait a week to see you again. So let's do dinner at my place before then sometime this week. When are you free?" It will keep the momentum going and make the hike that much better. Now of course some people will say this is needy behavior, you should wait, etc.. However, a confident guy would go after what he wants and not give a crap. His mindset would be that setting up another date in the meantime would only make her want him more. In the end it's up to you. But I'd rather have a woman in my bedroom than texting w-me on the phone. Just saying.. Edited August 11, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regdent Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 I moved to a new city for my residency about two months ago, and I initially met a lot of girls through dating apps. A lot of money and time were wasted. Then about a month ago, I was matched with this girl who actually happens to be in the same field as me and go to the school I am at. We have gone on three dates thus far. Those three dates were great, and I really like her so far. She is so fun and good at everything. She also has an awesome personality. I ended up at her place on our third date (exactly a week ago), and we went down on each other. She refused to have a full intercourse that night, though. She agreed to go hiking this weekend. So, I guess that is going to be our fourth date. I am starting to wonder, however, if she's slowly losing interest. She responds to every text I send her, but this week she didn't initiate the contact once. We got matched on Hinge (dating app), so she may be dating multiple guys. I deleted all of my dating apps after our third date because I am really not interested in meeting other girls at the moment. I am too busy with my work, and it costs too much to go on dates in this city. If things don't work out with this chick, I am just gonna go celibate for a while. I really want to escalate things. I would love to contact her and see her more often, but I have not been doing that just because I don't wanna seem too desperate. I really hate this game. I wish I could just ask her if she's interested in being exclusive and what not. Ugh. What should I do from here on? Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 ... I really want to escalate things. I would love to contact her and see her more often, but I have not been doing that just because I don't wanna seem too desperate. I really hate this game. I wish I could just ask her if she's interested in being exclusive and what not. Ugh. What should I do from here on? What "game"? The one that you're making it? If you want the both of you to be exclusively dating one another, tell her. Understand that she has the right to decline and to continue dating others, if she chooses. Due to the focus on her residency/career, she may not be interested in being in an exclusive relationship with anybody at this time. Just because you're not interested in dating anyone else, only want to see her, and "really want to escalate things" does not mean she's "playing games" if she's not on the same page with you. TBH, you don't even know what page she IS on, because you haven't even discussed it with her. Best of luck to you, OP... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 I don't see her losing interest so what are you seeing that I'm missing? You do need to breath & calm down. Things seem to be progressing nicely but you probably do need to ask if she is still dating others. I wouldn't pressure her for exclusivity but I would mention that it's something you would interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 I really want to escalate things. I would love to contact her and see her more often, but I have not been doing that just because I don't wanna seem too desperate. I really hate this game. I wish I could just ask her if she's interested in being exclusive and what not. Ugh. What should I do from here on? Not wanting to appear desperate is the new stigma in town. There is a difference between being desperate and being interested. As a man show your interest and let her regulate the speed. If you would like to date her exclusively than offer it to her. If she's into you she'll be happy you ask, if she is so-so about you she'll say no she's not ready to date seriously. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If she says no than it's cause she's not on the same page as you so better know now than in another month. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Well, she could be losing interest because maybe she's wondering if you're interested. I agree with Gaeta—"desperate" has become such a dirty word, but there is a difference between appearing desperate and expressing interest. A woman who is interested will respond positively to a man's interest. Around the time of the 4th/5th date is exactly when you SHOULD be escalating, because otherwise she's going to start wondering what y'all are doing. If you want to be exclusive with her, if you want to escalate—then do so. What is stopping you, other than your fear over her reaction? What are your options? You escalate and she's not interested, so maybe there's a bit of disappointment; you escalate and she is interested and you're both happy; you hold back and live through a few tortured weeks until SHE comes on here and writes a post about how this guy she's gone out with a few times, "messed around with," and really likes doesn't seem to be moving things forward. Then all of us will tell her to move on because clearly he's not all that interested!** **I'm just joking, by the way; I doubt that would happen, but it would be amazing if it did. So many women write just that kind of post, and we always interpret it one way—he's not that into you—when really maybe their sides of those stories sound more like you! Anyway, if you want her, go after her. Get in before that window closes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 I moved to a new city for my residency about two months ago, and I initially met a lot of girls through dating apps. A lot of money and time were wasted. Then about a month ago, I was matched with this girl who actually happens to be in the same field as me and go to the school I am at. We have gone on three dates thus far. Those three dates were great, and I really like her so far. She is so fun and good at everything. She also has an awesome personality. I ended up at her place on our third date (exactly a week ago), and we went down on each other. She refused to have a full intercourse that night, though. She agreed to go hiking this weekend. So, I guess that is going to be our fourth date. I am starting to wonder, however, if she's slowly losing interest. She responds to every text I send her, but this week she didn't initiate the contact once. We got matched on Hinge (dating app), so she may be dating multiple guys. I deleted all of my dating apps after our third date because I am really not interested in meeting other girls at the moment. I am too busy with my work, and it costs too much to go on dates in this city. If things don't work out with this chick, I am just gonna go celibate for a while. I really want to escalate things. I would love to contact her and see her more often, but I have not been doing that just because I don't wanna seem too desperate. I really hate this game. I wish I could just ask her if she's interested in being exclusive and what not. Ugh. What should I do from here on? Listen, both of you may be doing the whole "I don't want to seem desperate" thing. However, in my book, if a man is pursuing in a consistent, respectfully paced way, he's not being desperate, he's dating me properly. Call her and talk to her a little bit, that's all, in between dates. Stop relying on texting and the whole mystery behind that. You have a date for the weekend with her already, she hasn't lost interest. Call her to confirm and nail down the details. You haven't even gotten to the fourth date yet and you are projecting out beyond that and declaring you'll be celibate for god sakes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author regdent Posted August 15, 2015 Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 I moved to a new city for my residency about two months ago, and I initially met a lot of girls through dating apps. A lot of money and time were wasted. Then about a month ago, I was matched with this girl who actually happens to be in the same field as me and go to the school I am at. She is in her last year of school. We have gone on three dates thus far. Those three dates went well, and I really like her so far. She seems like a total package to me. She is a jill of all trades, has accomplished a lot, and is well liked by a lot pf people. Very easy to talk to. I ended up at her place on our third date (about a week ago), and we went down on each other. She refused to have a full intercourse that night, but she got very wet down there. It made me feel very good about the dating situation. Two days later, she invited me to a pool party at her parents' place. The same night, she sent me a text while I was asleep; she wrote, "Where are you? I just wanna go home and f you." She supposedly sent me that while she was out and drunk with her friends. I went to her pool party the next day. I got to meet two of her female friends. I don't think one of them really liked me that much for some reason. She agreed to go hiking this weekend. So, I guess that is going to be our fourth date as long as she doesn't cancel on me. I am starting to wonder where I stand because she has not really initiated the contact the last five days at all. She responds to my texts, but her messages are not as flirty as they were last week. It feels a little different now. We got matched on Hinge (dating app), so perhaps she met someone else she finds more attractive? Or perhaps she is trying to see how serious I am about dating her by not seeming as "eager" as last week? I don't have an answer, and I'm going nuts over this. I know there is not much I can do about her interest level, but I can't stop thinking about it. I would like to be exclusive with her quite frankly. I'm hoping that she doesn't cancel on me. Does it seem as though she's slowly losing interest? Or does it seem as though she's trying to see how serious I am about dating her? What do I do from here on? Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I know it can be really hard when you feel out of control but you really need to relax! One of the worst things people do in these situations is panic and start to bombard the other person with texts or jump the gun and push for commitment to quickly. The fact that you are unsure of her feelings indicates that you should wait until you have a better idea and just go with the flow. She hasn't canceled your date so for now there is no reason to worry. When and if the timing is right then talk to her about being exclusive but wait and see how date fourth date goes first. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveIsMyReligion Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 No one here is going to know the answer, only she knows. best thing you can do is try to focus on something else to occupy your mind otherwise it will drive you nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Dude you are wayyyyy over analyzing this. She's into you, very clearly too. Breaking down "how flirty her texts are" on a week to week basis is just you overthinking things far too much. She's the first girl you've been really into and interested in dating seriously in quite some time so you're getting inside your own head and nitpicking little things because you just want it to work out with her. If she was ignoring your texts and calls then you'd have something to question/worry about but that's not the case here so don't make something out of nothing. She's bringing you out to meet her friends, initiating physical attraction by the fact she texted you wanting sex the other night (very good sign btw. If she's out in a social setting drinking and you're the one she's thinking about that means you're in a good spot), saying yes to your requests to hang out. So for all those reasons you should feel confident that things are headed in the right direction. Don't put too much thought into texting habits and behavior. Too many people freak out over texting when it really is impossible to determine someone's true emotion behind a text. How many times have you typed something sarcastically and the person viewing it had no idea that you were joking or using sarcasm? That's just an example of how texting can be misinterpreted and over analyzed. I'd call her at some point this week to see how her weeks going and then confirm that you're still on for the hiking date. Enjoy that with her, it's a good setting to be one on one and bond. If I were you I wouldn't be the first to bring up exclusivity or being BF/gf with her. Let her dictate when that conversation takes place. You want to maintain at least a little bit of mystery for her to wonder where you stand, otherwise you risk her thinking you're just too available and some girls take advantage of that. I'm not saying she will, I have no idea what kind of girl she is but just telling you to caution revealing too much about how badly you want to date her too early on. Let her come to you with that. Shes made it clear she wants to have sex with you as well so I think you should do that if you're ready to and as a result then things become serious. She seems like a mature kind of girl so I doubt she's the kind to just sleep with guys casually so once you have sex you'll know she's committed to at least some kind of future with you. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Didn't you just start another post about this? Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I know it can be really hard when you feel out of control but you really need to relax! One of the worst things people do in these situations is panic and start to bombard the other person with texts or jump the gun and push for commitment to quickly. The fact that you are unsure of her feelings indicates that you should wait until you have a better idea and just go with the flow. She hasn't canceled your date so for now there is no reason to worry. When and if the timing is right then talk to her about being exclusive but wait and see how date fourth date goes first. Good luck. It looks like some threads have been merged. Had I seen that this girl was already in a relationship I wouldn't have given you the advice I did. Instead I would have said that if she is willing to cheat with you, she can just as easily cheat on you. What goes around comes around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author regdent Posted August 15, 2015 Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 It looks like some threads have been merged. Had I seen that this girl was already in a relationship I wouldn't have given you the advice I did. Instead I would have said that if she is willing to cheat with you, she can just as easily cheat on you. What goes around comes around. She's not in a relationship Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 She's not in a relationship Oh, I thought this was the situation given what you wrote previously. There was a guy in her profile photo. It's not a typical couple shot, but it was more of a funny one. Anyway, I asked my friend who went to school with her to find out more about their relationship status. My buddy doesn't know them too well, but they supposedly have been together for some time now. She and I didn't talk about our relationship status when we hung out, and she didn't mention anything about him. I was not happy to find out about the existence of a boyfriend that lives thousands miles away. I said to myself, "Well, that's a lost cause." The problem, though, is that we have to be in the same damn lecture hall everyday. I can't just forget about her and move on because I see her daily. Sorry, my mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Does she or doesn't she have a boyfriend already? Your posts are confusing based on what La.Primavera has found. Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 She has a boyfriend? So what? I have a goldfish. Break them up if you can. Just don't run crying when someone does it to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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