Strange turn of events.

[PaperCrane]

I've written here before about my roommate/love interest and the trials I've gone through with it so far.

 

At this point she's essentially dating two men, as what we do together 100% constitutes dating in the 'progression' (meeting -> dating -> relationship -> courting -> marriage). I view sex as a prerequisite for a relationship so that's why it's where it is.

 

She's never been one to want to 'define' things but enjoys our dates (as she calls them) and we're intimate to the point just before sex.

 

Recently we took a vacation out of state together, slept together, and had an amazing time. The other guy was not happy about this. He's become increasingly jealous and mean to her.

 

I understand what she's doing, she's multidating. That's fine with me if it gives me a shot with her; I don't mind. It also means I can date other people as well.

 

On that point, yesterday, a girl I met four years ago whom I snuck into a concert by pretending to be roadies and assisting with setting up equipment and getting free drinks/admission. The band thought it was hilarious and even complimented me on it. Anyways, so I shoot this girl a few messages saying I wondered why we never spoke much after and asked how her life was going and suddenly we have a date planned. She's witty, sharp as anything and into all the dorky crap I am. Utterly gorgeous and very successful to boot. We've spoken a bit at length about ourselves, plans, ambitions, etc and she seems to think we make a good match. Now, I know it's early but I've never had a girl approach my approach that way. Very level headed and if all goes well I can see this being something I'd be very happy with.

 

After this exchange and feeling rather good about myself, the girl who is multidating me says she has to talk to me about something and says she has to go but it'll be later. Very strange as she is usually a straightforward person about things when she decides upon her need to talk.

 

I took this as a bad sign as two days prior I treated her to a very nice evening and date night after her horrendous week. I go a little further than normal to try and cheer her up and also because I haven't had a date night in a few weeks so I wanted to have fun. A little shopping, a manicure which she said helped her feel gorgeous, a nice walk and drive with music and talking, dinner and a movie. We had a moment while shopping that was pretty 'magical' as it were. Great night for sure.

 

I thought this may have caused her to feel guilty, or maybe swayed her emotions to far to one side, etc. So she comes home and comes into my bed to talk. The big talk I had to wait almost six hours for was wanting to start to build a life with me (?!), and wanting to move somewhere in the future. She told me she's been so happy with my support and encouragement with her goals in life and how well I treat her, how happy she is with me and misses me when I'm not around. Also, she asked my thoughts on her changing her work schedule, how we'll see more of each other and her career goals. She wanted my input on her choices in life. I told her whatever makes her happy and meets her goals should be what she does, however she insisted that my opinion to her is important in her decision.

 

Here's the rub: she's still seeing the other guy. I get it, she's multidating. It seems strange though, to me, to drop that kind of thing on me without us currently at the stage of fully being intimate and taking it to a relationship and then taking off right after.

 

I don't quite know what to make of this as my head is currently a swirl of feeling good and anxiety. I know I should see this girl I've had my eye on for awhile, I owe it to myself to explore that, but with this change of events I don't want to monkey wrench the potential of having what I've wanted for almost two years now.

 

Any insight would be helpful!

[Plywoof]

You're not dating or multi dating, you're hooking up. No offense but she's still getting something more from the other guy. Your both fulfilling her needs right now and since you both are going along with it why would she choose. Go date the other girl and keep sleeping with her or buck up and ask her for a commitment.

[Vintage79]

I'd just call he rout on it, and tell her that creating something may be interesting (if you actually believe that), but that she needs to stop dating anyone else and give it a pure play whirl with you for a while...I don't think it's unreasonable to suggest that given what she's talking about. If she scoffs at it, well, she's not all that interested.

[PaperCrane]

I'd just call he rout on it, and tell her that creating something may be interesting (if you actually believe that), but that she needs to stop dating anyone else and give it a pure play whirl with you for a while...I don't think it's unreasonable to suggest that given what she's talking about. If she scoffs at it, well, she's not all that interested.

 

I think this may be the best route. If she kicks the dirt around and can't come to a decision then the way is clear. She's my first choice due to history and current connection so I'll see what she says. If not, then I have other options.

 

Also considering our history, she can't really come back from this if she decides she doesn't want to try at something real.

[PaperCrane]

Update:

 

Asked her why she took off after talking about making a future with me and setting the foundation for a life. Her response was "What? It's just moving together and setting up a business."

 

Uhhh...yeah. I didn't take that quite well. To me that rings of some disrespect because you don't talk about future building with someone whom feelings are shared and then just step back saying I took it wrong.

 

So that clears the way. I'll focus on dating the new woman and see where it leads because obviously the other doesn't know what she wants or where she's going.

[PaperCrane]

Went out with the new girl. Things were fun and we had a blast. Food, walks, talking, everything was really easy and good. Flirting and touching and lots of excitement. Got a second date. Also went well similar to the first but more intense and also tons of fun, kissed her and she kissed back and held hands while walking around. Really felt like something real might develop.

 

Set up the third.

 

Get a text the morning of. "I'm not sure what you're looking for...are you thinking these are dates? I mean, I'm having fun getting to know you but I'm involved with someone even though I know it says I'm single."

 

I just replied with "Yeah, that's how I saw them."

 

Then a general goodbye text. Figured it was a "Not into you" thing and left it at that and she was letting me down gently. Not so...not even fifteen minutes later my newsfeed updates with her setting herself as in a relationship and it being backdated by almost half a year.

 

Now I feel really awful even though I didn't know she wasn't single at the time.

 

As for the girl with the history...well I can say I can't trust anything she says anymore as far as relationship things go. Everything else is on key and fine, but anything involving feelings is just so wishy washy and evasive. One moment it'll be all sweetness and intimate and the next she can barely stand to have my hand on her arm. Blowing hot and cold with "I miss you" and constant texting to sometimes days with no contact. I feel a bit of future faking coming from her too which really to me feels condescending, especially with her "just wait for me" attitude.

 

Blah.