Timothy93 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 (edited) Ok, I need some suggestion. It's really my updated situation from my last post. I still sometimes secretly hang out with the same girl. She's not my gf because there have been a past issue from my sophomore year of HS (now I'm 21) that I'm still trying to forget and do regret it. The problem is that now her old man has found out about these secret dates and visitations (not sure how he found out) and has asked her who I'm I. She gave him my name but he doesn't recall me by my name. She just told me he wants to speak to me and even said to her that either I introduce myself and be a man or get lost like a coward. He's not ok with our secret meetings. I'm screwed. I didn't had a good meeting with him 6 years ago. He hated me then. Only problem is by then he's going to recognize me as the 15 year-old kid he hated back then. Guys what now? What do I say to this guy that hated my guts? Edited June 28, 2015 by Timothy93
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Ok, I need some suggestion. It's really my updated situation from my last post. I still sometimes secretly hang out with the same girl. She's not my gf because there have been a past issue from my sophomore year of HS (now I'm 21) that I'm still trying to forget and do regret it. The problem is that now her old man has found out about these secret dates and visitations (not sure how he found out) and has asked her who I'm I. She gave him my name but he doesn't recall me by my name. She just told me he wants to speak to me and even said to her that either I introduce myself and be a man or get lost like a coward. He's not ok with our secret meetings. I'm screwed. I didn't had a good meeting with him 6 years ago. He hated me then. Only problem is by then he's going to recognize me as the 15 year-old kid he hated back then. Guys what now? What do I say to this guy that hated my guts? You say "I'm sorry that wasn't the last time you had to speak to me. I promise I will never connect with your daughter again. You are completely right, I should leave her totally alone and I'm being a bone-headed jerk to be pursuing something with no hope whatsoever. I may be 21, but maturity-wise, I don't think I've moved on one iota. "
kenmore Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Geez Tara, take it easy on this guy! He finds himself in an awkward position and is looking for advice, not sarcasm (though that was top notch.) Here's what you do. Your GF is telling you that you need to be a man for her and talk to her dad. You need to stand up and show your balls. You will find it's not that bad, once you get yourself in the right frame of mind and walk up to the door, you will be fine. The whole issue is in the worrying phase. That means get it over with ASAP. Just do it. If he hates you, then you would have lost her anyway. If you be a man and go face him, he will likely have a change of opinion. The trick is to show some confidence and treat him like you deserve time with his daughter because you're worth it. If you don't feel you're worth it, then you need to figure that out first. Everything has a progression. Start with the basics which is that you feel worthy of life and love. Then move on to convincing others. It's much easier if you believe in yourself, but facing her old man will make you believe in yourself more, so it's a bit of an enigma. Pull your pants up and get over there to win that crappy bastard over! She's worth it! Ken 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 Yeah, sorry.... I get a bit feisty.... must be the moon phase..... 1
Author Timothy93 Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 Thank you Kenmore, I have lost track of how many I've tried apologizing to her back then, again in our last year of HS and finally as a grown man. She did forgave me in college a while back. If it wasn't for this issue I would've long ago properly introduce myself and follow whatever curfew given. I'm aware I screwed up and if there was a way of time traveling, I would be a better HS kid. I think I'm ready to face her old man again. Something I still haven't done is apologize to him back then. All I did was said nothing and was pretending to not know what he and her brother were talking about when I was confronted. I never got a chance to do that. I'm tired of this hiding (he's already thinking I'm a coward) and want to get it over with.
kenmore Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 A bit of advice from a guy who has been there a few times, Timothy; what you just said made my hair stand up a little bit because I saw myself many years ago (and part of myself not that long ago) and never liked seeing that. The apologizing over and over thing. Just don't do it! Being a man and acknowledging when you screwed up is good. I don't think a guy can really call himself a man unless he can see his own errors and admit them, but don't overdo it. When you have this meeting (don't think of it as a confrontation or "facing him", it's just a meeting), apologize clearly and specifically like a man, once and only once. He will understand but if you start being too profuse, he will play on that (as she may be doing.) I say think of it as a meeting because that's something I was taught to think in my sales training and it really helps. Keeping in mind we're (the customer and I) on the same side. I'm not trying to sell him something, I'm trying to help him. I'm trying to make his life better by showing him if he has my product, he will be better off. When I keep that in mind, it makes approaching them so much easier. It's the same thing for you. It's not her father against you; it's you two discussing his daughter's future happiness. You are both on the same side, hers. I wish you the best of luck, but with that much history between you and her, it won't be easy and I'm not talking about the old man, I'm talking about you two. First things first though. Win the old geezer (he's probably my age lol) over, that will raise her respect a little. Keep on the up-and-up with her and for God's sake, stop apologizing for something that happened so long ago and she has already forgiven you for! It's in the past, move on. Ken 1
Popsicle Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 If you want a future with this girl, it's better to come out into the light. 1
loveflower Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 This girl must really love you...you know with that history she still 'hangs out' with you. If the girl can forgive you so can her father. 1
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