Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Right, I figure there must be something I can do here as there can't be that many shallow men out there. I just don't believe it and while I know that there will be a few I guess my question is how do you attract the right sort of people to look at you and talk to you etc? The guy from the weekend before last was great. OK so he didn't fancy me but thats fine. I want to meet more men like him! So what can I do to help that along? The other thing that is piddling me off a bit is that the "matches" I am getting are clearly not the same as the others... He found me on a search and I was his "highest match"... He does not appear on any of my searches at all, even if I clear all the filters down. He is supposedly a 91% match and there are loads of others appearing that are far worse so what is going on there?
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I don't think you should clear your filters because then you'll end up with a bunch of men in your research looking for hook-ups and casual. The real question though is do you want to meet more serious prospects or you want to meet more men you feel attraction for? because the net is full of good men but you won't necessarily fancy them. The recipe is to find a good man you click with.
PegNosePete Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 The guy from the weekend before last was great. OK so he didn't fancy me but thats fine. I want to meet more men like him! Keep doing what you're doing Yes there's a lot of chaff to filter out but that's just a necessary part of it. As long as you're still finding a few good uns, it doesn't matter how many rubbish ones you discard. It doesn't matter how many times you fail, you only need to succeed once
Author Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Keep doing what you're doing Yes there's a lot of chaff to filter out but that's just a necessary part of it. As long as you're still finding a few good uns, it doesn't matter how many rubbish ones you discard. It doesn't matter how many times you fail, you only need to succeed once One so so and one great??? They all want to shag me but none of them want to get to know me... Everything from 20 year old studs to 80 year old has beens... Its a bit tiresome now. Its been over 9 months and so far the only positive is; 1. I get on really well with but we have fundamental differences that mean that anything long term is out of the question. Both accept this. He now has asked if I will be his FB... 2. 3 Dates with a very quiet shy guy who I thought had potential but was in actual fact extremely rude and self centred 3. 1 Date with a chap who is out going, straightforward and fun... that is not going anywhere. This is the sort of guy I want to meet in the hope that at some point I might fancy one that fancies me back... In real life I am meeting so few new single people its a joke. Married men and those in long term relationships or those who just want sex are still approaching and asking... Its that bad that I am losing my sex drive now... Don't worry Gaeta, the filters are back on.
Author Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Ok to be fair at least 6 months was being ignored on mysinglefriend and the most "action" has been on OK cupid...
writergal Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 One so so and one great??? They all want to shag me but none of them want to get to know me... Everything from 20 year old studs to 80 year old has beens... Its a bit tiresome now. Its been over 9 months and so far the only positive is; That is what I detest about online dating. The mindset of most (not all) men in general who date online: sex first, questions later. 1. I get on really well with but we have fundamental differences that mean that anything long term is out of the question. Both accept this. He now has asked if I will be his FB... Yeah that's the worst. Huge road block. He still wants to be FB friends? Don't do it. I did. Huge mistake. 2. 3 Dates with a very quiet shy guy who I thought had potential but was in actual fact extremely rude and self centred It's always the quiet ones to watch out for. They're like icebergs that float beneath the surface. Smooth sailing than *BAM* you find out they are a total jerk. 3. 1 Date with a chap who is out going, straightforward and fun... that is not going anywhere. This is the sort of guy I want to meet in the hope that at some point I might fancy one that fancies me back... I have no doubt you will meet someone, but I don't think it will be from online dating. In real life I am meeting so few new single people its a joke. Married men and those in long term relationships or those who just want sex are still approaching and asking... Really? But you seem so outgoing here. That's unfortunate that married men and guys in long term relationships expect something from you like that...
whirl3daway Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 How old are you, Toodaloo? Do you live in a big city?
lgspot Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Right, I figure there must be something I can do here as there can't be that many shallow men out there. I just don't believe it and while I know that there will be a few I guess my question is how do you attract the right sort of people to look at you and talk to you etc? The guy from the weekend before last was great. OK so he didn't fancy me but thats fine. I want to meet more men like him! So what can I do to help that along? The other thing that is piddling me off a bit is that the "matches" I am getting are clearly not the same as the others... He found me on a search and I was his "highest match"... He does not appear on any of my searches at all, even if I clear all the filters down. He is supposedly a 91% match and there are loads of others appearing that are far worse so what is going on there? Aw, don't you know Toodaloo---OLD is the "pyramid scheme" of the 21st century. The new psychic hotline where for $5.00 a minute you can swipe a date and have your fortune read. It's destroyed more self esteem than a_______. Yes, I'm a bit bitter. The woman I'm involved with is in extensive therapy from a couple of guys she tried dating. Supposed to be 90+ match. Her ex husband of 21 years was a serial cheater, yet her divorce was very ammable and walk in the park. Months of OLD was disaster. A person stands better chance writing their numbers on Bathroom walls. The old fashioned ways still work best. Online porn is by far more honest, safer, and classier than OLD. End of rant, but if you could see the harm caused a beautiful, intelligent woman it would shock you.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I thought most guys don't even read the profile & only look at the pics.
Author Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 How old are you, Toodaloo? Do you live in a big city? No. I live and work in very rural locations... To be honest cities make my blood run cold. I avoid them where possible... Most of the roads I drive along to work each day have grass growing in the middle... Which is probably my main problem... lg honey its not just blokes on OLD that do that... I have 2 exes that have left me with issues that I am trying to overcome... it takes hard work to remain sane from a bad relationship sometimes!!!
Author Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Really? But you seem so outgoing here. That's unfortunate that married men and guys in long term relationships expect something from you like that... I am, as you get me regardless of on or off line...
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I heard some people have better luck with craiglist. About you put up an ad saying something like country girl looking for her country boy.
lgspot Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 No. lg honey its not just blokes on OLD that do that... I have 2 exes that have left me with issues that I am trying to overcome... it takes hard work to remain sane from a bad relationship sometimes!!! Most anyone who's been in relationships have issues. Issues I can handle. You used the word sane. Popular definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. The very premise of OLD. I live in a very rural area also. The male to female ratio is 7-8 men to one female. Still meeting more desirable ladies even with such poor odds in the middle of nowhere than OLD ever provided.
Author Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Still meeting more desirable ladies even with such poor odds in the middle of nowhere than OLD ever provided. So what are you doing?
jen1447 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Its that bad that I am losing my sex drive now... You need to get sexed up! (Like in a psychological way.) That's not just a flirt either lol - an outgoing sexuality will appeal to people, and not just in the obvious way. It makes you appear ....alive, if you know what I mean. (Mainly talking about RL interaction here.) 1
Author Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 You mean in meeting people? Yes... Where are you meeting these women??? My local pubs are full of rancid old perverts... I do charity work, I am out a lot at various things, but meeting single, good blokes in day to day life is to put it bluntly a nightmare... Even worse now my last few friends who would come out drinking are finally shacked up... so boozy nights on the town are very few and far between... I talk to people virtually everywhere I go. I talk to plenty of strangers every time I come into contact with them...
Justanaverageguy Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 My question is how do you attract the right sort of people to look at you and talk to you etc? Left field answer here. Do you believe in the law of attraction ? If you don't know what that is it essentially says that we attract what we are putting out and what we believe we will get. If you believe you will not find the right sort of man .... you won't. You will always find a reason or an issue with everyman that you meet or the ones you like won't like you. If you truly believe that you will find the right type of man, someone who complements you and that you will fall madly in love - then you will. For this to work you can't just say it without truly believing it. You need to quite literally reprogram your subconscious mind to believe, imagine and see yourself meeting Mr Right and being happy. I've read through your posts previously and they are continually about negative experiences with guys you have met. You almost jinx the guy before you get to know him. He seems nice .... but I know something will go wrong. I really liked him ..... but he didn't like me etc etc. This is because you mind has become negatively programmed that you assume your experience will be bad. You will always find a reason or issue until you truly sit down and understand your thoughts and realign them with what you want. You underestimate how unbelievably powerful they truly are. If you BELIEVE you deserve happiness and BELIEVE you will find MR right - he will magically appear as though almost plucked directly from your imagination
Justanaverageguy Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 My local pubs are full of rancid old perverts... I do charity work, I am out a lot at various things, but meeting single, good blokes in day to day life is to put it bluntly a nightmare... Even worse now my last few friends who would come out drinking are finally shacked up... so boozy nights on the town are very few and far between... I talk to people virtually everywhere I go. I talk to plenty of strangers every time I come into contact with them... Case in point from my post above. All comments here are completely negative. You believe you will not find anyone worth while - so you won't.
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I've read through your posts previously and they are continually about negative experiences with guys you have met. Of course! This is the place we come to when we need support, suggestions, opinions. If we had wonderful boyfriends we would not be posting. About the law of attraction. Yes you have to believe positive for positive things to happen but thinking positive won't change the fact the last man she met didn't reciprocate her excitement. Sometimes you do everything right, which I think she did with last man. He was a good prospect on paper, he turned out to be even better in person, she found nothing wrong with him he just did not reciprocate. It's not her doing it didn't materialized. She did not unconsciously sabotage it.
misspond Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Right, I figure there must be something I can do here as there can't be that many shallow men out there. I just don't believe it and while I know that there will be a few I guess my question is how do you attract the right sort of people to look at you and talk to you etc? Really interested in this thread as I'm in a similar position I think I'm an older woman, yes I've got kids but I'm not after a father for them as they've already got one of those, and *I* think that my OLD profile describes me pretty well. Yet all I get are messages from young men/much older men wanting sex and occasionally men of a similar age who just seem so.....I don't know, shy/stunted/damaged? I had a really nice chat with a man of similar age and outlook a couple of weeks ago and we commiserated that we weren't closer (2 hours away). In fact I don't get any messages from men in my largish town or even from anyone in any of the villages nearby. Anyway, I'm not trying to thread , just offering some commiserations of my own because I feel your pain.
Author Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 I've read through your posts previously and they are continually about negative experiences with guys you have met. Thats because I have been meeting the wrong kind of guys! Sorry I know I should be grateful that someone has taken the time to send me pictures of his penis before he has bothered to ask my name but something tells me that actually thats not appropriate behaviour... I do not want to meet men like that You almost jinx the guy before you get to know him. Every single chap I meet I go with an open mind always hopeful that its going to be positive... He seems nice .... but I know something will go wrong. I really liked him ..... but he didn't like me etc etc. This is because you mind has become negatively programmed that you assume your experience will be bad. So you didn't read the post about how I tried to phone and also tried flirty tests with the guy who ACTUALLY really and truthfully doesn't fancy me to get a second date... You will always find a reason or issue until you truly sit down and understand your thoughts and realign them with what you want. You underestimate how unbelievably powerful they truly are. I am not looking for a reason - I am looking for a decent active loving fun guy who isn't generally an a hole. He can be an a hole some of the time, he doesn't have to be perfect. If you BELIEVE you deserve happiness and BELIEVE you will find MR right - he will magically appear as though almost plucked directly from your imagination So tell me then why is there not a rugby player with thighs you could use as dinner plates currently chained to my desk wearing nothing but a smile and a slightly bemused look??? I am imagining him REALLY HARD! I even have my eyes screwed tight just in case wishes do come true!!! Its a rather pleasant thought!!! And I missed lunch... 5
Author Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Really interested in this thread as I'm in a similar position I think I'm an older woman, yes I've got kids but I'm not after a father for them as they've already got one of those, and *I* think that my OLD profile describes me pretty well. Yet all I get are messages from young men/much older men wanting sex and occasionally men of a similar age who just seem so.....I don't know, shy/stunted/damaged? I had a really nice chat with a man of similar age and outlook a couple of weeks ago and we commiserated that we weren't closer (2 hours away). In fact I don't get any messages from men in my largish town or even from anyone in any of the villages nearby. Anyway, I'm not trying to thread , just offering some commiserations of my own because I feel your pain. Oh you join in as there must be something we can do. Even if its changing our behaviours etc. So where do single, decent guys hang out? How do you stop/ prevent those guys who just want sex from contacting you so you can concentrate on the good ones? All my friends, family and colleagues are on the prowl for a decent, single, man for me. So far one ex druggy who only came out of the Priory about 2 months ago. I have friends who died through drug abuse so its a massive no no for me. Oh and one bloke who is currently shagging half the county and doesn't want a relationship... Needless to say they will not let me near either... 1
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Really interested in this thread as I'm in a similar position I think I'm an older woman, yes I've got kids but I'm not after a father for them as they've already got one of those, and *I* think that my OLD profile describes me pretty well. Yet all I get are messages from young men/much older men wanting sex and occasionally men of a similar age who just seem so.....I don't know, shy/stunted/damaged? I had a really nice chat with a man of similar age and outlook a couple of weeks ago and we commiserated that we weren't closer (2 hours away). In fact I don't get any messages from men in my largish town or even from anyone in any of the villages nearby. Anyway, I'm not trying to thread , just offering some commiserations of my own because I feel your pain. I think it's a universal problem nowadays. I am late 40s and cannot find a man and I have been actively searching and dating for close to 4 years now. My daughter is 27 and encounters the same frustrations as I am. 2
Author Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 I think it's a universal problem nowadays. I am late 40s and cannot find a man and I have been actively searching and dating for close to 4 years now. My daughter is 27 and encounters the same frustrations as I am. Thats the thing. If you are happy to settle for the dross. A man who is lazy or abusive, sleeps around, married etc its easy. I could get my pick of those. I could be shagging tonight with any number of men... Because I want one that is stable, active, fun and SINGLE its so damned hard! Call me greedy but I want a man that is just for me, no one else and I also want one that is not going to cause any more damage! I have had enough of the dross. I deserve better than that. Piddles me off no end it really does. All I am asking is a chance to get to know them. Thats it. I don't want their money, cars, houses etc. All I want is to get to know them. Do you know what also piddles me off? EVERY SINGLE EX, regardless of whether I dumped them or they dumped me, EVERY SINGLE EX has stated that I deserve better. Every friend, colleague, family member. They all state that I deserve better... Not once has anyone ever said oh you chucked a good one away there to me. To them yes but not to me! So where are these knights? Is there a special hand shake we have to do so they know we are not psycho birds? 3
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