Dating, Student Debt & Marriage

[BestRegards]

Thanks for taking the time to read through this.

 

I have been dating her for a couple of years and we recently had some discussions around our future together, marriage and kids.

We are in our early thirties and are college educated. I have some concerns around the financial aspects.

She makes about $35K a year and has $70K in student debt. She wants to stop working or work reduced hours after having kids.

 

I prefer that we both work full time and share all household chores. Having both incomes to support the family & getting her

student debt paid early is important to me.

 

I make three times as much and I do not think it is fair that I be expected to repay her student loans. She has not said it,

but it is assumed that if I am the only earner if/when she quits her job, that I will be expected to repay her student loans.

 

Anyone here been in a similar situation ? I am all for sharing responsibilities but not supportive of the fact that

one spouse chooses to stay at home when they clearly have a lot of debt to take care of.

[Dirt]

Have you paid for everything in the relationship thus far? If so why would you expect that to change when married.

 

I wouldn't end up in a situation like this personally. With that debt load and low income I'd run. They sound financially illiterate.

[d0nnivain]

The toughest pre-marital conversations DH & I had were about money. Do not marry unless you talk all this out.

 

You may also need to run the numbers. Quality child care is expensive. It may be better economic option to have her care for multiple children

[CarrieT]

Pretty simple: have her keep working until the debt is paid off before you start a family.

 

I was in a similar boat, except that I was much older with a significantly higher debt (six-figures). I offered to keep working but my new husband *wanted* me to stay home and help with his step-kids (alternate weeks). Paying off my debt and not asking me to work was/is cheaper than childcare.

[introverted1]

This is definitely something you need to talk out as it seems you have disagreements both about how to manage money and how (who) to raise children. There's no point in proceeding if you are not on the same page with regard to these issues.