Question for women dating women

[JapaneseKnotweed]

I'm pretty new to dating women. I had one girlfriend of a year, but our beginning dating process was unusual, and not likely to be repeated.

 

So I'm having trouble with the whole dating thing, wit women.

Specifically, maintaining a spark once it is created. I can flirt, I can get people laughing and giggling, and having a good time, and get the "mirroring" response going. But in ending the date, I have no game.

 

 

With people I'm interested in seeing again but unsure of, I keep getting feedback that there either was no spark, or they got a friendly vibe from me, or interestesting conversation but no spark sort of thing.

 

With people I am interested in seeing again- I do a hug and let it linger, and they either pull away or turn it friendly. Some of them earlier were having a great time, and I think that it's my process. Like I really need to establish connection, or verbally and non verbally let them know they are special, first, or something similar, that I'm not.

 

It MAY be I've not met of the right women at the right time for either me or them. That's plausible. But it could also be I have no game. And since I can't improve the former, and it will do nothing but good to improve the latter....

 

What I CAN do comfortably is casually touch someone, hug them at the end, let it be known I find them beautiful and/or wonderful....'once. In the middle of a date. And then leave it, and see if they respond.

 

Then we get to the end, and I hesitate, figuring out, would they like a hug, a lingering hug, or what, and the response I get from their body language is consistantly way less than I would have imagined from how the date went for me, and how I read it went for them. And if I start to go for what I feel (usually a lingering hug) I get rebuffed.

 

My feeling is that I create sparks, and somehow let them die.

 

This may be from dating men- who I feel I can end up too forward with, now that I date women- but for whom you can send a spark out and they take over.

 

 

Can you help a bi girl out? How do you successfully, assuming the potential is there, nurture and fan sparks that arise to help attraction burst into flame?

Edited May 26, 2015 by JapaneseKnotweed

[jen1447]

There's no magic bullets hon, sorry. If your date's not really feeling it, you won't just magically make a move that gets them wiggly in their panties.

 

Do they ever give you any next date feedback at all? Bis and lesbians aren't really all that different from others - most of us look for connections and want to establish them before anything gets serious, so first date boob hugs or kisses might be a little too much too soon.

 

The touching thing is good tho. I really love light hand contact (and it really works well for me). Don't overdo it but if you get her laughing and then take her hand for a moment and run a finger or thumb along her palm or the crest of her thumb, it can have a nice effect. (Don't linger with that too long tho.)

 

Ok I'll be blunt here - I can usually 'close' women whenever I want to, but that's not from secret moves or tricks or anything. I guess it really is game, and that's something that's largely intrinsic. You can improve your interpersonal skills, but you can't really wholly reinvent yourself, so if the person you are isn't one to bowl women over, I wouldn't try to be that person. Go with the slow-walking and eventually one will probably want to slow walk it with you.

 

btw I assume you're dating for fun and romance ....or are you just looking for sex? Reason I ask is the places you go and the types of women you date will have a lot of effect on your process.