Wtf is wrong with men

May 24, 2015

So I thought I was starting to date a guy whose ten years older than me because we saw each other once a week had great sex talked for hours after and talked and txt alot. Well turns out we r basically friends with benefits. So I slept with this other guy as a rebound.. He's my age.. And we only slept together twice and I would consider him like Fwb not dating and we saw each other for twenty minutes yesterday no sex involved and when he kissed me goodbye he whispers I love you!! Wtf!! We have known eachother maybe three weeks. He wants to call me his gf. Yet the man I've spent the night with at his house taken showers with and had long amazing sex with for the last four months doesn't consider us dating? I don't get it.. How can a guy say I love you so quickly!! I actually let out this nervous laugh when he said it. I don't understand men. Two different extremes

May 24, 2015

So, let me get this straight. You want men who use you as a FWB to be serious with you, and yet you laugh at the guy who you used as a rebound, who likes you and wants you as his gf?

May 24, 2015

No I'm saying I can not understand men. The first guy acted like we were dating! We went to dinner movies etc. Cuddled on the couch and watched dvds. After sex he would lay there and we would talk for two to four hours while he played with my hair or rubbed my back. No indication that we were Fwb. I thought that we were dating. Second guy I'm not laughing. I'm freaked out because we have done none of the things the first guy and I did. No date like activities. Just sex twice and I wasn't all that. We have no real intimacy barely know each other and he tells me he loves me,? We r 35.*how is that even possible that fast. It's like the Twilight Zone lol

May 24, 2015

So I thought I was starting to date a guy whose ten years older than me because we saw each other once a week had great sex talked for hours after and talked and txt alot. Well turns out we r basically friends with benefits. So I slept with this other guy as a rebound.. He's my age.. And we only slept together twice and I would consider him like Fwb not dating and we saw each other for twenty minutes yesterday no sex involved and when he kissed me goodbye he whispers I love you!! Wtf!! We have known eachother maybe three weeks. He wants to call me his gf. Yet the man I've spent the night with at his house taken showers with and had long amazing sex with for the last four months doesn't consider us dating? I don't get it.. How can a guy say I love you so quickly!! I actually let out this nervous laugh when he said it. I don't understand men. Two different extremes

More than likely, what he meant was "I love how I feel when I am with you"... it's just that he left out how I feel when I'm with".

But using someone as a rebound to get back at some other guy isn't good policy. Just drop the older guy if he's not giving you what you're after. No sense in wasting your youth behind him.

May 24, 2015

No I'm saying I can not understand men. The first guy acted like we were dating! We went to dinner movies etc. Cuddled on the couch and watched dvds. After sex he would lay there and we would talk for two to four hours while he played with my hair or rubbed my back. No indication that we were Fwb. I thought that we were dating. Second guy I'm not laughing. I'm freaked out because we have done none of the things the first guy and I did. No date like activities. Just sex twice and I wasn't all that. We have no real intimacy barely know each other and he tells me he loves me,? We r 35.*how is that even possible that fast. It's like the Twilight Zone lol

Well did you ever TALK about being exclusive?

Did you ever mention from the start that you are ONLY looking for a relationship. No hookups or FWB's type of thing.....

If you did not make that clear, then how can you be clear on the fact you were dating?

This is why I like when women make it clear to me of what they want. That way I know were either on the same page or not, before things get heated and go on.

May 24, 2015

I'm guess I'm not getting the lack of communication with first guy that you've spent time with for 4 months? How do you know it's an FWB relationship? Has he told you that are you assuming that? There's been no conversation in regards to "what are we doing here"?

In regards to the second guy, yea, that doesn't seem normal to say he loves you after that short of time or time spent together.. I'd run..

Finally, why is this a guy problem? It appears you're just as culpable in the lack of clarity of what kind of relationship you have with the first guy.

May 24, 2015

No I'm saying I can not understand men. The first guy acted like we were dating! We went to dinner movies etc. Cuddled on the couch and watched dvds. After sex he would lay there and we would talk for two to four hours while he played with my hair or rubbed my back. No indication that we were Fwb. I thought that we were dating. Second guy I'm not laughing. I'm freaked out because we have done none of the things the first guy and I did. No date like activities. Just sex twice and I wasn't all that. We have no real intimacy barely know each other and he tells me he loves me,? We r 35.*how is that even possible that fast. It's like the Twilight Zone lol

There is no official 10 commandments of FWB. No doubt the PUA forums will have something like it though so as to avoid the woman catching feelings for the guy. Some guys like intimacy but don't want any obligations. Some have zero weight on the friends aspect (I call that f-buddy) but others have a higher weighting on the friends aspect. Just going for a fwb without any serious discussion is going to be easier than saying I want you for my gf for just 3-4 mths.

As for the 2nd guy he did not ask you to be his gf, but its not a stretch to assume he would be eager. Obviously he is smitten with you. I've had girls that I've only known for a short time but their personality/nature/look/sex appeal has totally enchanted me. Its too early to be seriously in love with you, but he loves what he seen so far. Some people can fall fast. There are guys going thru the same scenario as you when it comes to women. The ones they lust for are emotionaly detached and the ones they really have no feelings for (just for sex) are googoo over them. If you lusted after the 2nd guy there is a good chance you would not be seeing his comment in such a negative light.

May 24, 2015

Well did you ever TALK about being exclusive?

Did you ever mention from the start that you are ONLY looking for a relationship. No hookups or FWB's type of thing.....

If you did not make that clear, then how can you be clear on the fact you were dating?

This is why I like when women make it clear to me of what they want. That way I know were either on the same page or not, before things get heated and go on.

I am new to dating after getting divorced. No we never sat down and said oh we r dating this is how it's going to go.. But I never had that conversation with any I dated in my twenties either lol. Didn't have to. I guess it was wrong to assume we were seeing each other just because everything we did mimicked a dating couple. We did have a talk that neither of us would have sex with others. I guess I pictured Fwb.. Never done it.. As u have a friend u Decide to hook up and u go home after with no cuddling not much talk no date like activities and then u call eachother when u get frisky. Nothing at all like what guy numero uno and I had

May 24, 2015

The first guy acted like we were dating! We went to dinner movies etc. Cuddled on the couch and watched dvds. After sex he would lay there and we would talk for two to four hours while he played with my hair or rubbed my back.

He was just prepping you for sex and making sure you came back. Sorry champ.

May 24, 2015

Wtf is wrong with men

Haha, what day is it?

Your post underscores that men are individuals. If you want to find out who they are and where it goes, just keep showing up. If not, don't. Yeah, you can analyze and label but that chews up time that could be spent living and loving.

May 24, 2015

I'm guess I'm not getting the lack of communication with first guy that you've spent time with for 4 months? How do you know it's an FWB relationship? Has he told you that are you assuming that? There's been no conversation in regards to "what are we doing here"?

In regards to the second guy, yea, that doesn't seem normal to say he loves you after that short of time or time spent together.. I'd run..

Finally, why is this a guy problem? It appears you're just as culpable in the lack of clarity of what kind of relationship you have with the first guy.

Um guy one and I said no sex with others. We went on dates. We never sat down and said oh we r dating. We were intimate we spent quality time together. No indication we were Fwb. We had an amazing night three weeks ago.. He cuddled with me played with my hair was so sweet. Everyone I told said oh he's falling for u. Well he ignored me for the next seven days! No contact at all. Then finally txt me. Have not seen him since. He still txt but every time I try to make plans he's busy. But still flirts and calls me. I talked to a mutual female friend and she said she's heard numerous times thst he goes hot and cold with women. I asked him what we r and he said he doesn't use labels. I asked on here and most said sounds like Fwb.

May 24, 2015

I am new to dating after getting divorced. No we never sat down and said oh we r dating this is how it's going to go.. But I never had that conversation with any I dated in my twenties either lol. Didn't have to.

It's a new day now. You have to have that conversation because it clears up a whole lot of confusion. You'll find that things aren't like they were in your 20's. Everyone's lived some life and gotten experience since those days and some men, especially ones 10 years older than you, are not really that pressed to enter into new romantic entanglements as they were in their 20's and early 30's. Chances are, he's been burned and he's learned his lesson from that and unfortunately, you're coming in after the lesson has gone down for him. So yeah, you're going to have to speak up and not expect him to read your mind on what you want. It saves you from wasting your youth on a man who refuses to commit or doesn't ever want to marry another woman in life.

I guess it was wrong to assume we were seeing each other just because everything we did mimicked a dating couple.

Never assume anything anymore. Get clear on matters concerning your feelings.

We did have a talk that neither of us would have sex with others. I guess I pictured Fwb.. Never done it.. As u have a friend u Decide to hook up and u go home after with no cuddling not much talk no date like activities and then u call eachother when u get frisky. Nothing at all like what guy numero uno and I had

You had this talk with guy #1 or guy #2? You're going to have to be honest with guy #1 if you two agreed not to have sex with others and you went and had revenge sex because he wouldn't give you what you wanted. If the tables were turned, would you want guy#1 to keep you in the dark if he was smashing some other woman?

May 24, 2015

I asked him what we r and he said he doesn't use labels.

yeah, he's avoiding the obligation of relationship and keeping you as an option.

Never agree to sexual exclusivity with a man who won't declare for you unless all you want is a slap and tickle every now and then.

May 24, 2015

He was just prepping you for sex and making sure you came back. Sorry champ.

That's an awful lot of work just to get laid. Most guys have no interest in talking for four hours after having sex. He's an attractive guy. He could score a date online and hook up with someone for quick sex with a lot less time and effort

May 24, 2015

That's an awful lot of work just to get laid. Most guys have no interest in talking for four hours after having sex. He's an attractive guy. He could score a date online and hook up with someone for quick sex with a lot less time and effort

yeah, he could, but you're the one showing up. IF it wasn't you, it'd be someone else he'd be treating the same way.

May 24, 2015

I fell in love with my wife on our first date, though I would not have told her so. Like you, it probably would have freaked her out, and maybe this new guy doesn't understand how saying something like that can cause a woman some shock. Also, he may have thought he should say that to you since you two had sex. Some guys feel a sense of guilt if they have sex with a woman but there is no love. He may just be saying that to you because he thinks you would be angry at him if he f*cked you but didn't care about you deeply.

The first guy is just a dick.

Anyone who spends that much time with a woman, treats her kindly, has sex numerous times, has long deep penetrating conversations with her (sorry, in a certain mindset now ) but does not feel anything for her and did not make it clear what he was doing is plain and simple a dick.

Yes, what you have there is two extremes. I would definitely not count this new guy out as some kind of creep, he may be legit in which case you need to ask yourself if you are starting to have feelings for him. If not, you should be honest with him about that. If so, you should give it time and see if it develops. I seriously doubt he meant he loves you like a serious love, but he most likely meant he is having strong feelings for you and though it's early, it may be something good.

Ken

May 24, 2015

yeah, he's avoiding the obligation of relationship and keeping you as an option.

Never agree to sexual exclusivity with a man who won't declare for you unless all you want is a slap and tickle every now and then.

He didn't say the no label thing until after he ignored me for a week. I don't get it. So I'm sup to find crazy clingy men like guy number two who want to slap a girlfriend label on me before I have known him a month and we have never been on a date? Because I'm not a clingy girl and I thought we did have the exclusive talk when we agreed nor to see or sleep with others. Just because he didn't say we r dating didn't raise any red flags. He even said guys he work with could tell he was seeing someone because he's happy. So I had no idea we were just fwb

May 24, 2015

Well did you ever TALK about being exclusive?

Did you ever mention from the start that you are ONLY looking for a relationship. No hookups or FWB's type of thing.....

If you did not make that clear, then how can you be clear on the fact you were dating?

This is why I like when women make it clear to me of what they want. That way I know were either on the same page or not, before things get heated and go on.

I really hate that society has come to this.

May 24, 2015

I fell in love with my wife on our first date, though I would not have told her so. Like you, it probably would have freaked her out, and maybe this new guy doesn't understand how saying something like that can cause a woman some shock. Also, he may have thought he should say that to you since you two had sex. Some guys feel a sense of guilt if they have sex with a woman but there is no love. He may just be saying that to you because he thinks you would be angry at him if he f*cked you but didn't care about you deeply.

The first guy is just a dick.

Anyone who spends that much time with a woman, treats her kindly, has sex numerous times, has long deep penetrating conversations with her (sorry, in a certain mindset now ) but does not feel anything for her and did not make it clear what he was doing is plain and simple a dick.

Yes, what you have there is two extremes. I would definitely not count this new guy out as some kind of creep, he may be legit in which case you need to ask yourself if you are starting to have feelings for him. If not, you should be honest with him about that. If so, you should give it time and see if it develops. I seriously doubt he meant he loves you like a serious love, but he most likely meant he is having strong feelings for you and though it's early, it may be something good.

Ken

Thanks for ur insight! No feelings for guy number two. Except maybe a little scared of him mixed with pity. He's my age but I feel so much older lol. Seems like he's stuck in a high school mind set. He'll I'm not even sure if I like someone after two weeks.. Much less love them. It just seems unreal. We don't even have much in common. I don't understand how someone could have strong feelings in two weeks!

May 24, 2015

That's an awful lot of work just to get laid. Most guys have no interest in talking for four hours after having sex. He's an attractive guy. He could score a date online and hook up with someone for quick sex with a lot less time and effort

I would say that he probably enjoys the 'date' side of things too, the hanging out and being in your company. It's not just the sex. However he still doesn't want to be an official couple/exclusive.

May 24, 2015

Um guy one and I said no sex with others. We went on dates. We never sat down and said oh we r dating. We were intimate we spent quality time together. No indication we were Fwb. We had an amazing night three weeks ago.. He cuddled with me played with my hair was so sweet. Everyone I told said oh he's falling for u. Well he ignored me for the next seven days! No contact at all. Then finally txt me. Have not seen him since. He still txt but every time I try to make plans he's busy. But still flirts and calls me. I talked to a mutual female friend and she said she's heard numerous times thst he goes hot and cold with women. I asked him what we r and he said he doesn't use labels. I asked on here and most said sounds like Fwb.

Never assume a guy is your bf just because he acts like one but has never officially asked you to be his girl. And never assume that because you have sex and go on dates, that makes you two official.

May 24, 2015

I don't understand how someone could have strong feelings in two weeks!

Me neither and I think it is foolish to go around declaring love to someone you barely know. I have only had one person tell me he loves me, and he was just a friend and knew that I didn't feel the same. He hardly knew me and I found him a bit intense and controlling for many reasons. On the other hand you have the other extreme, and yes I have encountered this too!

I wouldn't say there is something wrong with men though, it happens with many people. It's just the way society is these days. (as you have experienced, the fact that you ARE dating, doesnt mean you are dating ) It has become acceptable to stuff people around - the onus is on the person getting stuffed around, for allowing it to happen

Just be careful, take things slowly and have open communication when going into relationships.

May 24, 2015

He didn't say the no label thing until after he ignored me for a week. I don't get it. So I'm sup to find crazy clingy men like guy number two who want to slap a girlfriend label on me before I have known him a month and we have never been on a date? Because I'm not a clingy girl and I thought we did have the exclusive talk when we agreed nor to see or sleep with others. Just because he didn't say we r dating didn't raise any red flags. He even said guys he work with could tell he was seeing someone because he's happy. So I had no idea we were just fwb

No.

You're supposed to have a conversation about intention before you're naked in bed after having sex with him. You may have had an exclusivity talk, but you didn't have the commitment talk with regards to the two of you being in a relationship. There is a difference between agreeing not to smash others and agreeing to be committed to one another as significant others. FWB's have the exclusivity agreement in place not to have sex with others and still not want the obligation of relationship muddying up the waters because they don't want to answer to anyone. And he can be as happy as a pig in slop and still not want the obligation of being in a relationship.

And no, you're not supposed to find clingy, crazy men either--that, too, required a conversation about intention and finding out where their head was at before you were naked in his bed with him, too. But he was a revenge screw and often times, doing things out of revenge brings about outcomes for which one is not prepared.

A lot of things have changed since you got married in your 20's and not looking out for your own best interests or assuming that you are on the same page with a guy is really, really bad policy.

Edited May 24, 2015 by kendahke

May 24, 2015

Thread should be titled WTF is wrong with women.

OP sounds like a hot mess.

She has Chad, who is most likely slaying other women, and has no chance of being exclusive with him, then she has this beta cuck who wants to marry her already, and she is extremely repulsed by it.

Modern dating is such a joke lol.

May 24, 2015

Well, I don't necessarily think there's anything "wrong" with anyone in this tale other than a lack of communication on everyone's part. Yes, the new guy may actually have fallen in love that quickly. It happens. Not usually but it does. That said, as I mentioned before, he probably is not really in deep love, but more like infatuation. That happens more often.

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