neowulf Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 Went on a second date with a lovely young woman last night. We have a heap in common, share similar backgrounds. Conversation was smooth and easy. We walked arm in arm most the night. But we got to the end of it and I was thinking "Well, this is pleasant.. but I'm not feeling any sense of attraction..." I mentioned I wasn't sure about continuing, but she pointed out "Well, it's only been like two dates?". So I'm kind of torn. I enjoyed her company and she's certainly a lovely and interesting person. There's no deal breakers or red flags to speak of. I'm just not feeling it. So LS, how many dates would you think is "reasonable" before deciding "I'm sorry, there's nothing there".
Gary S Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 If you are not feelin' it within 45 minutes on date one, you probably never will. 7
KatZee Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 One date. If there is no attraction by the end of date one, there's no point wasting anyone's time. It's not there. You can't manifest attraction where there is none. 6
Author neowulf Posted April 10, 2015 Author Posted April 10, 2015 If you are not feelin' it within 45 minutes on date one, you probably never will. *sigh* I suspect you may be right there. The last time I met a women I 'clicked' with, we only spoke for a couple of hours and I couldn't stop thinking about her for 3 days after... It's just frustrating to meet such lovely people and have to turn them away. It was pretty clear to me she felt there was something there on her side. Guess that's the dating game. 1
Omei Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 (edited) One date. If there is no attraction by the end of date one, there's no point wasting anyone's time. It's not there. You can't manifest attraction where there is none. I second this But I can't help but say my first and second boyfriends were not attractive at all and they swooned me till I finally said yes to a date then they courted me eventually I fell in love and they became attractive to me I thought they were ugly then like magic they got hot. But now that im older I find if im not attracted I will just not continue as KatZee said so I guess in our youthful age we're less judgmental? I don't know. Edited April 10, 2015 by Omei
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 How many dates? One. If, by the end of the date, I'm not feeling any physical/sexual attraction towards him...it sucks to do it, but I just let him know that I'm not feeling a "connection" with him and end it. I don't tell him that I don't feel any attraction towards him, because, I don't like hurting people's feelings. Besides, attraction is subjective anyways - even if I don't find a guy sexually/physically attractive, there will be another woman who will. Yes, she's a "lovely" woman, ya'll got things in common and you enjoyed her company. But...if you don't imagine yourself wanting to kiss her or do anything else physical with her and you don't feel that luscious sensation deep in the pit of your stomach...then you're probably not going to feel it with her on subsequent dates. . 3
preraph Posted April 10, 2015 Posted April 10, 2015 It would be different if you didn't have much chance to talk on a date, but if you've been talking and doing things, you probably know enough to know by now. For me, it would take finding out late in the game that a person shares my extreme passion, but that's normally going to come out on the first date anyway.
Mrin Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Two dates or you kiss. Either way, if you're not feeling it by then it ain't happening. Re: all those one date/45 minute comments. I didn't feel that spark that attraction with my soulmate/GF until I finally kissed her midway through the second date. Everything and I do mean everything changed after that. 4
Author neowulf Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Appreciate the thoughts guys. It's confirmation of what my previous life experiences have been. I suppose it's just one of those things. No point wasting peoples time. 1
Methodical Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Yeah, either there's a connection or not. Chemistry isn't something time can create.
writergal Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Does she live at home? Just kidding. Sorry, couldn't resist asking you that. It takes as many dates to feel chemistry as it takes licks to get to the center of a . You know when you know. Why don't people just trust their instinct? That's your indicator for the chemistry feeling. 3
shvrk Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Just one. I had one of the best dates of my life, I was respected, had a nice dinner, got along with the guy (who was pleasing to the eye) and even had a good night kiss. All of those things and I just was not interested in a relationship with him. First and last time I saw him.
Author neowulf Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 Does she live at home? Just kidding. Sorry, couldn't resist asking you that. It takes as many dates to feel chemistry as it takes licks to get to the center of a . You know when you know. Why don't people just trust their instinct? That's your indicator for the chemistry feeling. lol. Dear god woman. NO, she lives on her own and has done for many years, just like me I suppose I feel attraction so infrequently these days.. that I've started to wonder if I'm just not capable of it anymore. I wonder if it's time to try and be more "pragmatic" about finding someone to build a life with. I worry if I wait to feel attraction again.. well, I might just end up alone. 1
writergal Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 *chortle* *chortle* *snort* Let me try out my Aussie slang on you. I'm just being a Dag, is all. As for your dating life, don't give up up so quickly. Apples, she'll be! Don't be such a Drongo. You're as cunning as a Dunny rat. Aren't you? I will stop earbashing you now, because I think you are too hard on yourself. Just have fun dating. Relax. One day you'll meet a woman and you'll feel gobsmacked about her. LoveShack posters here have good oil for you, if you are willing to listen. Hooroo for now! (how'd I do?) lol. Dear god woman. NO, she lives on her own and has done for many years, just like me I suppose I feel attraction so infrequently these days.. that I've started to wonder if I'm just not capable of it anymore. I wonder if it's time to try and be more "pragmatic" about finding someone to build a life with. I worry if I wait to feel attraction again.. well, I might just end up alone. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Normally when i date a guy ...i date from friendship if take it further to dating him i am already attracted and the feeling is normally reciprocated...for that reason my dates normally go past the three month mark......deb 2
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Went on a second date with a lovely young woman last night. We have a heap in common, share similar backgrounds. Conversation was smooth and easy. We walked arm in arm most the night. But we got to the end of it and I was thinking "Well, this is pleasant.. but I'm not feeling any sense of attraction..." I mentioned I wasn't sure about continuing, but she pointed out "Well, it's only been like two dates?". So I'm kind of torn. I enjoyed her company and she's certainly a lovely and interesting person. There's no deal breakers or red flags to speak of. I'm just not feeling it. So LS, how many dates would you think is "reasonable" before deciding "I'm sorry, there's nothing there". Right at the end of the first date. If there is no feeling of attraction like popcorn going off in a microwave, I don't bother.
SunnySide0418 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 lol. Dear god woman. NO, she lives on her own and has done for many years, just like me I suppose I feel attraction so infrequently these days.. that I've started to wonder if I'm just not capable of it anymore. I wonder if it's time to try and be more "pragmatic" about finding someone to build a life with. I worry if I wait to feel attraction again.. well, I might just end up alone. Did you kiss her or no desire to at all? Sometimes the kiss can be a game changer in a good or bad way. 1
Peachland Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I used to give myself 2-4 dates to see if there is an attraction but I think you know after one. I knew I was attracted to the guy I'm currently dating the moment he looked at me. It was instant. It was the same with other serious long term boyfriends in the past. You just know.
Bobbi7 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 One date!!! If I don't feel anything downstairs, I sure as heck ain't continuing it. And I don't want him to spend any more money on me! Sorry, but a free meal at the buffet on crab leg night isn't going to make me go on a 2nd date.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Did you kiss her or no desire to at all? Sometimes the kiss can be a game changer in a good or bad way. Another poster on here said the same thing; and I'm sure it's a game changer for some or a lot of people. But for me, nope. You see, I have to be physically & sexually attracted to a guy for me to want to kiss him. If I'm not, then um, I won't want to kiss him...and if I force it, he will most likely be able to tell. And even if he wouldn't be able to tell that I'm not into it, I wouldn't enjoy the kiss at all and it would be a huge turn off for me. I wish attraction for me was as simple as it seems to be for other people. It's not something I can fake, or pretend or wait for it to happen. If it's not there...it'll NEVER be there, and I wouldn't waste a guy's time (or mine) dating him longer to see if it ever materializes. . 1
FortunateSon Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 One date. For me, if it's not there to begin with, it never will be.
Erised Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I can build the attraction over time, but maybe mention.you aren't feeling the click and get a friend instead if she's lovely. I had that happen once before. We are great friends now. I felt no attraction either and appreciated his honesty especially as it saved me the rejecting portion I hate so much. (We may be too much alike.) 1
Echo74 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 For me most were only one date unless I really enjoyed their company, then I'd give it another chance. If I didn't feel some sort of butterflies in my belly on date #2, that would be it.
Bobbi7 Posted April 11, 2015 Posted April 11, 2015 I don't understand why some guys don't get that some women are just NOT physically attracted to them. The nerve that they have some "macho" attitude, then they start giving me reasons as to why they are a keeper. I mean, that's fine if they are nice and all, but c'mon get a clue. I had this one guy that kept hitting on me, he wasn't my type AT ALL. I didn't find him appealing one bit. God forbid, I would let alone touch him! The same goes for guys -I'm sure they need to be attracted to women.
Author neowulf Posted April 11, 2015 Author Posted April 11, 2015 *chortle* *chortle* *snort* Let me try out my Aussie slang on you. I'm just being a Dag, is all. As for your dating life, don't give up up so quickly. Apples, she'll be! Don't be such a Drongo. You're as cunning as a Dunny rat. Aren't you? I will stop earbashing you now, because I think you are too hard on yourself. Just have fun dating. Relax. One day you'll meet a woman and you'll feel gobsmacked about her. LoveShack posters here have good oil for you, if you are willing to listen. Hooroo for now! (how'd I do?) Struth love, you speak the lingo like a right proper shela. Would be forgiven think thinking you were true blue! ... Nah, that's all I got Man.. what the world must think of Australians! *grin* I take the advice though. It's just hard letting the good ones go.
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