Jilly10340 Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 So I started dating this really really great guy. We've been together for about two weeks and it's the happiest I've been in a long time. He's nice, funny, extremely smart and talented, everything you could look for in a guy. We always hug, kiss and hold each other, he writes me poems, wants to see me all the time, and I know he cares as much about me as I do about him. Everything is great except for one thing. We haven't really done anything.......sexual. And it's not because of me, he just won't seem to make a move. He's a virgin and I'm not. We can sit there and kiss for hours and he won't try anything. I know it bothers him that I've been with other guys and he doesn't like to think about me with them, it's a guy thing I guess. I asked him if that's the reason why we haven't done anything really physical and he said no, that's not the reason at all. I asked him if there was a specific reason and he said no, he guesses there isn't a reason. We kind of dropped it there. The only time we've done anything even remotely close to anything sexual is at a party last weekend when we were both drunk and even then, it wasn't much. I've tried everything, I've dressed sexy and I've made subtle sexual comments. For example, yesterday he was saying that he needed to be more active because he felt lazy lately. Jokingly I said, "Well, we could make out, that's active." He said, "Yeh, it is." That's it. That's it? That's it! I've never had this problem before. I don't want to have sex with him, he's told me he's either waiting for marriage or to at least be in love first. But I don't see the problem with messing around, which I know he has no problem with because he's told me he's done pretty much everything but had sex. I'm afraid to make the first move because since it does bother him to think of me with other guys then I know that everything I try to do to him first he's going to know that I've done with other guys and then he'll start thinking about it again. What can I do? What should I do? When in a relationship does the physical aspect usually happen with other people here? We've been together almost constantly for two weeks. Is it normal that we haven't gotten around to that stuff yet? Should I just grab him and make a move or should I wait? I'm so sexually frustrated that it's almost funny. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Chill...give it time. It's been two weeks. My fiance and I dated for TWO MONTHS before we began to be intimate. This guy is a virgin, you know he's going to take it slow, if even at all. Respect that or move on. Don't be the first to make the move, either. You want to let his first time be a special experience. If he's too slow for you, move on. But this is the type of guy that I'd want to get with. He's not one that hands it out like it's last years Halloween candy, it's some special sh*t. Not everyone gets it. Link to post Share on other sites
Queen B Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 I have been in thins exact same situation with a great guy about a year and a half ago only I pushed things and the guy basically dumped me...and now I feel like an idiot for thinking that everyone has the same feelings about sex as I do...I also thought two weeks was plenty long enough to wait for sex.... If you really like the guy...wait it out for a bit...maybe it just takes him a while to really warm up to people sexually. If he is a virgin maybe it's a bit intimidating to think of doing anything remotely sexual with a more experienced woman...maybe he's a fraid he won't be good enough for you. Maybe with time and trust that he'll eventually want to become more intimate. If you really like your sex than maybe you should move on. Also once you get to "everything but sex" are you going to be completely satisfied? If he's waiting for love and/or marriage to have intercourse, you could be waiting a very, very long time. I just hope you don't do what I did and lose a really great guy because you're so hot n' horny. As for sexual frustration...get a good vibrator because there are times, even in a great relationship, when your man won't be able or capeable to relieve you. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 What can I do? What should I do? You CAN keep pressuring him (its only been 2 weeks for God's sake!) and freak him out and push him away, but you SHOULD simmer down and let the poor man decide for himself when he is ready to engage in sexual activity with you. Besides the fact that I don't think spending all your time together is such a good idea, especially in the beginning. 2 weeks is nothing. Its not even long enough to get to know someone. Humans can live without food for that long; you should be able to hold off on starting a sexual relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jilly10340 Posted November 19, 2004 Author Share Posted November 19, 2004 I guess you guys are right. Like I said, I don't want to have sex with him, I was just wondering why were not even doing basic stupid highschooler makeout stuff. I'm NOT pressuring him. I just wanted to make sure that him being bothered by the other guys isn't what's stopping him. I told him that it's fine that we haven't done that kind of stuff and I'm really happy with the way we are now. I just thought I'd ask you're guys opinions on the whole thing. I was beginning to think that I just wasn't physical attractive to him. I guess that i've just been with guys who want to move too fast for too long. I'm not used to a guy being this nice and caring! Maybe being with the wrong guys is what's making me wonder what's wrong with him. There's no way I would leave over this, I like him way too much. It's not easy for me to find someone I trust as much as I trust him. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 The reason I said pressure was this: I've tried everything, I've dressed sexy and I've made subtle sexual comments. He may be picking up on that... Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Enjoy it. He actually sounds like the 'right one' to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jilly10340 Posted November 19, 2004 Author Share Posted November 19, 2004 I'm starting to think he's the right one also. He sat me down last night and told me that he wanted to tell me something but I had to promise that I wouldn't think he was weird. I said I wouldn't think he was weird. He said that he usually doesn't bring this up and it's not his nature to do so being that we haven't known each other for that long but.....he thinks that we might be falling in love. I told him that I agreed and he asked if I thought that was weird. I said yeah, it's weird but I don't think there's a time limit. Besides, he said that he THINKS that we MIGHT be falling in love, which isn't the same thing as telling me he loves me. He's so wonderful.... Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Two weeks is a very short time. That said, if you want sexual activity and/or making out/petting/whatever, I suggest you attempt to initiate it. Just don't be pushy, and be sensitive to his rhythms and timing. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 I hate to rain on your parade but remember you just ended your last "relationship" not long ago?!! I think you should slow down a bit, you claimed you were head over heals in love with him too! Jilly you're so young yet you're doing so "much" you need to chill and allow yourself to heal from one relationship before jumping into another. I suggest you read back through all your other posts and really stop and look at the whole picture. It's like you're doing anything to fill this void (boyfriendless) in your life...I don't want to put you down and I'm not..I just think it sounds like you're living life a little too fast and not giving anyone a chance that you begin dating to get to know you for you other than your body. You've been with this guy TWO weeks, not 2 months and already you're thinking you're in love with him. Do you know him that well? Know all his hopes and dreams? Know about important and insignificant events in his past? Does he know all about you? You don't get to know someone through "making out" you should try connecting for a long time on an emotional and mental level before trying to be intimate Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jilly10340 Posted November 19, 2004 Author Share Posted November 19, 2004 Ok, before you jump down my throat I didn't say I loved him. I told him that i agreed that I think that we may be falling in love, meaning that it could change. No, i don't know all about him but if things keep going as they are going now then I think that we could have something really special. All I know now is that he's unlike any other guy I've ever dated and that's a good thing! I started dating him as a distraction, to maybe help me get over the ex, I didn't plan on liking him this much. It just kind of happened. I'm not a person who dates around, I date one person at a time, and I like him enough to date him and not anyone else. Is that so wrong to date? I mean, my ex boyfriend is the one who dumped me! I find no problem being in a relationship with someone that I think is really great and that I really like. If I just wanted a boyfriend then I could have gone out with the other three people who asked me out after my boyfriend dumped me. Or better yet, I could have gone back out with my ex when he told me that he still loved me and may have made a mistake. Jeez, cut me some slack here. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 See that's why it is sooooooooooooooooooo annoying trying to tell someone something if it's not what they want to hear! I'm not jumping down your throat! I'm glad that you're getting over your ex-boyfriend who obviously wasn't the right one for you and it's better that you didn't go back to him when he asked you to. I'm proud of you that you were strong enough to realize no matter how you felt that it probably wouldn't have worked out. I know he's kind of a "rebound" guy...I mean like you said it was kind of a distraction and I hope you not falling in love with the idea of being in love more than actually the guy himself. Know what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Originally posted by Jilly10340 All I know now is that he's unlike any other guy I've ever dated and that's a good thing! Then just sit back and enjoy it if his uniqueness is a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 well IF he's is a rebound guy, which is not always a bad thing, he is the Best Rebound guy you could get....at least HE will not be using you for sex! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jilly10340 Posted November 19, 2004 Author Share Posted November 19, 2004 No Barby.....I appreciate brutal honestly just not put so......harshly. I know that I can't tell the tone of someone voice over email but it seemed as if I was being lectured and my question had nothing to do with my dating habits. No, I'm not in love with the idea of being in love. If that was the case then I would've gone back out with my ex, it would have been a insta-relationship (no work, no getting to know each other, feelings already there, etc.) So I don't think that why I'm with this new guy. I'm with him because I actually like him, he's not an a$$ like most of the guys I've met, and I think I can trust him (which is a big thing for me.) Also, what I went through in my last relationship is what he's been through in his last relationship. In this way I think we can understand and relate to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Well that's good, then you're all set! Exactly..sit back and enjoy it don't pressure him to be sexual until he makes the first move (then you'll know he's ready). And as it was said, at least you know he's not using you for sex.. I know you didn't ask about your dating habbits and if it doesn't seem to be a problem for you then I apologize for bringing it up, and no exactly we can't tell one another's tones online...but when asking for advice and reading responses people tend to be on the defensive.... If you like him a lot and feel he could be the one and you've known him 2 weeks (they say sometimes you know right away if he's the "right one") and you think he could be mr right not mr right now then I say "congrads" and of course we'll all only be hoping for the best for you... Link to post Share on other sites
Majik45 Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 I'm guessing the guy is a little shy about this stuff. I know that I was very iffy about this stuff. If you are having makeout sessions, I would suggest helping guide him a little bit the next time it gets a little hot and heavy if you really want to push the issue a little bit. You know, just kind of guide his hand with yours to where you want it to be. If he keeps it there and things start progressing, then you are happy. If he pulls away or stops, then he's not ready yet. He probably just needs a little guidance, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
allen10981 Posted November 21, 2004 Share Posted November 21, 2004 Dont force him to do anything, plain and simple, he'll give it to you when the time is right. Speaking as a guy, I was absolutely terrified my first time. I had no idea what to do, or how to do it, thankfully the girl was also a virgin, but in his case, he knows your not, so he might be afraid hes not going to ammount up to what you expect. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
missunderstood Posted November 21, 2004 Share Posted November 21, 2004 Does it occur to you that he's gay? He may know or he may not and he may be at the back of his closet, but I'd say that he's gay. Then again, he may just be a morally upstanding guy who finds a forward, obviouly horny women throwing herself at him really unattractive. Men like to hunt. No hunter likes it when his prey sits at his feet, and begs to be shot. Back off honey. What you're doing is trampy. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts