Jamesbond Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Old school player needs new school advice - she lives in NYC, I live in Ireland! Hi guys, I'll get straigh to the point. I'm a 32 yr old guy from Ireland. I had great game in my early 20's, not bad game game mid 20's but totally out of touch the last couple of years. With work, haven't had time to properly date this last year or so. Before Christmas I met this girl on Facebook through a mutual group page we were in. Here's the kicker - she lives in NYC! Hold on... I'm not crazy, I actually was thinking about going to NYC this summer for a holiday. She's 32 too and is seeking a bf/husband. I started messaging her and we went back and forth. She gave me her number and we started to Whatsapp. From there, we were literally talking for hours, 3/4 hours at a time. Everything under the sun, deep and meaningfuls to personal and work stuff. Anything, really. The problem is... I came on too strong. I started 'liking' whatever crap she put up on FB. I'd text her out of the blue asking her what she was up to. I then suggested sending her something for Valentine's Day. All this started changing things. She started to not text or Facebook me at all. I was always the one to text and she'd say "sorry, forgot to text back". Now, I'm 32, I've been around the block and know I played this badly... and certainly know it's madness having a relationship with your phone, but initially she was extremely eager. The distance thing was irrelevant because she suggested it'd be nice to meet in reality and go for dinner etc... There's plenty of beautiful girls here, and it's not a case of wanting what I can't have. I'll admit though, it has verged on One-Itis... I did have that problem once before and the relationship I was in ended because of it. Anyway, if you guys came cut me a break about the long distance thing and potentially building this girl up in my head... I'd really appreciate some genuine advice as to how to get her back on side and really get her anxious to meet. I don't want advice as "forget her" she lives too far away... I know all that is true, but I want to at least meet her and she if there's a connection. Ignore her? No text? Act the big shot with statuses on Facebook? There has to be a way, there's always a way... PS She is absolutely stunning... literally a 10 in anyones book but not a typical 10. She's more a girl-next-door type of person. Thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Go visit NYC and call her when you are there. See if she'd be interested to meetup with you. Start there and see what happens. It's always precarious to have a digital relationship without all the physical closeness that's required to sustain the connection. A digital relationship isn't real until you've spent time in person with each other. It's all just words exchanged on computer and cellphone screens. And words aren't enough to create or sustain a relationship unless there's physical intimacy. Otherwise, why not just date locally? I tried the long-distance relationship thing with an Irishman 20 years ago and it didn't work because neither of us could financially afford to visit each other every few months. We met each other in person when I was over in Ireland visiting friends, then he had a business trip in my state a few months later. But after that, it fizzled out b/c we couldn't afford to see each other or move to be with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Just talk to her. Use your voice. Trust me the brogue alone should have her melting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbond Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 Thanks to both of you for your response. I was going to try complete No Contact and see what happens. Trigger her eagerness perhaps? Haha, I've a strong Irish accent - but would calling her not do the opposite to what I'm trying to achieve? How do I get her to want me to call her? Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I was going to try complete No Contact and see what happens. Trigger her eagerness perhaps? You're the 'player'. Don't you have the answer to that already? I suppose it works with less confident people. Has never worked with me... No Contact means free time to find someone else and focus on other things. *shrug* If she lives in NYC, there are lots of people with accents around, lol. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Thanks to both of you for your response. I was going to try complete No Contact and see what happens. Trigger her eagerness perhaps? Haha, I've a strong Irish accent - but would calling her not do the opposite to what I'm trying to achieve? How do I get her to want me to call her? Why don't you just call her and ask her directly if she's still interested in seeing you when you visit NYC this summer, which is only a few months away. Start there. Don't play games anymore. Retire your "player" badge once and for all, and see what happens. If she screens your call and doesn't call you back, well there's your answer. If she calls you back (in case she misses your call since there is the time zone difference) just be honest with her about your feelings and tell her what you are thinking. Games will get you nowhere. Honesty is best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 If she lives in NYC, there are lots of people with accents around, lol. Ha, ha that's so true! NYC is overflowing with Irishmen, so it's best you put your game down and just be honest with her about what you'd like to see develop. If she's on the same page then great! And remember what Oscar Wilde said, "In love, it is better to know and be disappointed, than to not know and always wonder." Slancha! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I was going to try complete No Contact and see what happens. Trigger her eagerness perhaps? How do I get her to want me to call her? Do not go NC. That is the worst idea! Doing that will make her conclude you are a jerk who is playing with her emotions. It will not make her long for you. If you want her to want you, romance her. Talk to her. Send her e-mails & snail mails. Continued interaction creates more longing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbond Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 Some decent replies there, thank you... well bar Red Robin, no offence mate, but that was ridiculous lol Writergal, thanks a lot for your advice. it's a woman's perspective on things... and well done on Slainté... you were close d0nnivain, you're right. The most straight approach. I think I've played this terribly over the past two weeks and really need to try and create some intrigue first before I go full steam as you suggested 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Ah, sorry about that Jamesbond. I've made bags of Irish slang, sorry! I'm not a gob****e, really! I feel hockeyed now! Ha, ha! Before some sleeveen slags me and says that I'm touched, or that I'm not the full shilling, I'll leg it out of here and go run across the grass on Trinners, before grabbing some Black Stuff somewhere on Leeson Street for some good craic with my Irish mates. Slainte! (And d0nnovain gave you great advice!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbond Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 Ah, sorry about that Jamesbond. I've made bags of Irish slang, sorry! I'm not a gob****e, really! I feel hockeyed now! Ha, ha! Before some sleeveen slags me and says that I'm touched, or that I'm not the full shilling, I'll leg it out of here and go run across the grass on Trinners, before grabbing some Black Stuff somewhere on Leeson Street for some good craic with my Irish mates. Slainte! (And d0nnovain gave you great advice!) Haha, well played You've definitely visited Yeah, good advice! Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Haha, well played You've definitely visited Yeah, good advice! Ha, ha! Well, My mom is 100% Irish (grew up there) and I was born there "meself" so I've been to Eire a LOT (but not in the past ten years so a visit is long overdue). I have relatives and friends there still. Great country. Great people! Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Sorry, I'm not going to cut you slack--- OP, have you ever used dating websites before? There is a 30% chance the two of you will actually be physically into each other. It's just the way the cookie crumbles. For you to have so much invested in this is a mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbond Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Thanks for the advice and comments. I know I need to get out there and mix it up again, but whether it is a bad case of OneItis or the fact that she's different is irrelevant. I know I asked for a way to "get this girl", but I suppose I am just wondering IS there a way. I'll do the no contact and move on thing for myself, but hypothetically, I am wondering if I didn't do the obviously right thing (move on) etc - is there a way to actually turn the tables and get this girl to virtually chase me? Somebody knows how to do this. Be it create jealousy, completely disappear etc - as a pure exercise, I'd love to try it. Of course I'd meet her if possible but I'm not going to think that way anymore. I will move on, I'd just like to see if it was possible or can anyone create attraction from the point I'm at. Thanks again, James Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 (edited) Seems like a lot of effort just to satisfy your ego. Is your life that dull? Don't you have any better hobbies? ... and for the life of me, I have no idea why other women would be giving any self-professed 'player' any tips on how to reel any woman in... not to mention 'liking' any post that includes manipulation on your part. That's a job for your guy friends who also like to see women get screwed... and not in a good way. Edited February 2, 2015 by RedRobin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesbond Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 RedRobin - Please be very careful... it's very high up on that moral horse! I'm concerned for your health. I'd hate to see you fall off and show your real colours. This site is for honesty and I was being honest. Let me state that I categorically have no interest in using a woman whatsoever. The term 'player' has caused blatantly caused you offence. Perhaps you're one of these misfortunate guys who feels life owes them a living, and that 'players', for lack of a more appropriate word, have hindered your chances with women over the years. Either way, I suggest you permanently remove the inverted chip on your shoulder. The term 'player' has a wide spectrum. As for my hobbies and life... plenty of hobbies and a thoroughly enjoyable life... Maybe you should ask yourself the same question in the mirror - considering you've almost 6,000 posts on a dating website lol good luck with that one Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 If you are still hoping to get her attention send her a Valentine's Day card. It doesn't have to be lovey & mushy but you do need to acknowledge the holiday. Link to post Share on other sites
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