Dating somebody who seems distant/aloof - advice needed

[DefBringer]

For the past month or so I've been dating a girl I get along well with. She's one of those people you feel comfortable talking to on the phone forever and not get bored. All seems to be well except she does not seem to be warming up much.

 

After a month, I start to feel affection for a partner and want to do things like put my arm around her, hold her hand...but only when it feels natural. With her it feels natural. However, she is not affectionate at all. She says she likes to be held but her body language says otherwise. It's like she stiffens up. When she kisses it almost seems forced, hesitant.

 

Without getting too specific, on 2 seperate occassions I have performed a certain sexual act that gives her pleasure. She has never done anything in return despite the fact she proclaims herself to be very sexual (I believe this after seeing her box of toys and handcuffs that she proudly showed me). I'm not one of those guys who thinks "well I gotta get mine!" but I honestly think that if she does not feel compelled to return my affection, she's not feeling the connection I am.

 

I have never brought this up with her, but she has apologized for it. "Sorry I'm being so stupid, I'm just in a transitional period" she said. I asked her what she meant by a transitional period and she told me she ended a 7 month relationship in early September. She says she doesn't want to make me a rebound for her and that is why she is hesitant to get physical (isn't she already physical?).

 

I'm wanting to pull the plug on this relationship because I'm not convinced it's going anywhere but I wanted to see what your reaction was to this. One of the few positive signs was that she did take her online dating personal down after she learned I had taken my down.

[bluechocolate]

I'm wanting to pull the plug on this relationship because I'm not convinced it's going anywhere but I wanted to see what your reaction was to this.

 

Don't be here in 2 years time complaining about the same thing with the same woman. The beginning of any new relationship should be some of the best times you'll ever have together.

 

Pull the plug.

[DefBringer]

Don't be here in 2 years time complaining about the same thing with the same woman. The beginning of any new relationship should be some of the best times you'll ever have together.

 

Pull the plug.

 

It's a different woman. Although I'm wondering what are the chances I attract two different women that act somewhat the same. To be fair, the one I had this problem with last year was much more affectionate then the one I'm with now.

 

Note: I'm not a needy, jealous person. I need my space as well. But I think there is something abnormal going here.

 

Why do you agree with me that I should get out of this?

[bluechocolate]

yes

[DefBringer]

Originally posted by bluechocolate

yes

 

but WHY?

[DJ_Dork]

MY RULES FOR DATING WOMEN AFTER BREAKUP. I will keep repeating till people search for my great message:

 

1. Date women who have not been in any serious relationships for over 6 months.

2. Date cautiously with women who just got out of relationships 3-6 months ago.

3. Do not date women who just broke up less than 3 months ago.

 

If you ask her when did she break up, if she said 1 year ago when it was just 1 week ago. In her mind she has completely distanced her former ex out of the picture. (This is only in the case she lies since women lie about how many men they sleep and how sexually experienced they are.)

[bluechocolate]

Originally posted by DefBringer

but WHY?

 

my words

 

The beginning of any new relationship should be some of the best times you'll ever have together.

 

her words

 

"Sorry I'm being so stupid, I'm just in a transitional period"

[DefBringer]

I just want to make sure I'm not being too needy before I split.

 

She called at about 9:30 last night, she was driving home from running errands. We talked maybe 15 minutes until she walked in her door and then said she was exhausted and wanted to go to bed. The phone conversation just stopped really abruptly.

 

In the past week it's been like this, 10-20 minute phone conversations. We chat a little bit at work through instant messenger, not too much. She's really busy at work, "exhausted", and didn't want to do anything until "later this week" yet the last two nights she's been out doing stuff (she says its work stuff, although she told me that she was going to a local bar for one of these work-related things).

 

I don't know if she is abnormally distant or I am abnormally needy? I'd like to see somebody once a week, I'd like to be able to talk to them for more than a few minutes each day. I honestly don't know if this means I'm needy or not.