newlyborn Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 so, i have been dating a new guy in a new city and was so excited about him. we have been dating for nearly two months. for the most part, we went out regularly, spoke or texted daily, even when either of us traveled briefly out of town. a few days ago, we finally slept together. we had discussed it in advance, and i had been hesitant because i have never slept with anyone outside of a serious relationship. and this guy and i had not decided necessarily to be exclusive. that seemed ok, though, because we seemed to like each other very much. anyway, i am very sad and confused because after sleeping with him a few days ago, he hasn't made any mention of seeing me again. he has only said that we should go out "soon." and the day after we slept together was the first day i didn't get a good morning text. as a matter of fact, there has been a noticeable decline in communication altogether. please tell me: is this a guy going into his "cave" after a period of closeness? or is it the standard "hit-it-and-quit-it"? i don't want to be naive here or continue to pursue something that is already on its way out...
Redhead14 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 so, i have been dating a new guy in a new city and was so excited about him. we have been dating for nearly two months. for the most part, we went out regularly, spoke or texted daily, even when either of us traveled briefly out of town. a few days ago, we finally slept together. we had discussed it in advance, and i had been hesitant because i have never slept with anyone outside of a serious relationship. and this guy and i had not decided necessarily to be exclusive. that seemed ok, though, because we seemed to like each other very much. anyway, i am very sad and confused because after sleeping with him a few days ago, he hasn't made any mention of seeing me again. he has only said that we should go out "soon." and the day after we slept together was the first day i didn't get a good morning text. as a matter of fact, there has been a noticeable decline in communication altogether. please tell me: is this a guy going into his "cave" after a period of closeness? or is it the standard "hit-it-and-quit-it"? i don't want to be naive here or continue to pursue something that is already on its way out... You should never pursue anything that doesn't feel right. In fact, at least, early on in a dating scenario, you should let him do all the initiating. You mirror his actions and be receptive if you like him enough. You should let him come to you. If you don't hear from him again fairly soon, you hopefully had a nice time with him and should start dating others. In fact, you should have been dating others all along. Even if you slept with him without exclusivity, you could still date others unless or until you decide to be intimate with that new person. In which case, you would drop this one. And, when/if you did decide to be intimate with that new one, you would have exclusivity first. Even that doesn't necessarily prevent you from being a hit and run, but it would allow you to have at least a better sense of who/what you were dealing with. 1
amaysngrace Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Stop thinking about it. Did you have a good time? Was he the best sex of your life? If not then let it go. 1
Author newlyborn Posted November 18, 2014 Author Posted November 18, 2014 Stop thinking about it. Did you have a good time? Was he the best sex of your life? If not then let it go. the sex was great actually! that's part of why it bothers me that his communication seems to have waned, and he hasn't asked to see me again. i will not pursue him now, though. and i will try to stop worrying about it. 2
Author newlyborn Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 so, it has been a week, and still nothing from him. i am pretty hurt. i had not had sex in 1.5 years. how could someone treat someone like this whom they dated and talked to everyday for two months?
smackie9 Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 It's possible he felt you weren't sexually compatible. He obviously has nothing good to say so he chose to avoid you like a coward. You want answers, go see him and talk about it so you can have closure. 3
amaysngrace Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 so, it has been a week, and still nothing from him. i am pretty hurt. i had not had sex in 1.5 years. how could someone treat someone like this whom they dated and talked to everyday for two months? Wow...he would have made a really crappy boyfriend. You're better off finding out now what kind of guy he is rather than wasting a year or more on him. I'm sorry you're hurting but try not to take it personally. He didn't treat you this way because you're you...he treated you this way because he's him. 5
newmoon Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 this sucks, 2 months is an investment of his time and yours. wasted. move on though, don't accept his bad behavior at this point (if he comes around). there is no excuse for taking off like that and it really shows you what a horrible partner he would have been. be very thankful he's gone, it's a favor of sorts. 4
Author newlyborn Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 thank you all for the supportive posts. i really liked this guy. and i felt like two months was long enough to wait. i have been in shock for the whole week, but today i blocked him on everything and let myself cry... 6
J21 Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Sorry you're hurt and going through this, but it seems like it was a "hit it and quit it". Talking everyday for 2 months, then no contact right after the sex? Yepp, that's the sign right there. A guy that is interested in someone is going to talk to them, they don't just pull a disappearing act. 1
Author newlyborn Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 Sorry you're hurt and going through this, but it seems like it was a "hit it and quit it". Talking everyday for 2 months, then no contact right after the sex? Yepp, that's the sign right there. A guy that is interested in someone is going to talk to them, they don't just pull a disappearing act. this has never happened to me before, not even in high school. i can't believe people can be so callous.
Joaquin Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 It seems a bit unusual. To invest like that only to disappear. I wonder has he a girlfriend or something.
Author newlyborn Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 It seems a bit unusual. To invest like that only to disappear. I wonder has he a girlfriend or something. he has a five-year-old who lives with him for half of the week. he and his son's mother broke up two years ago after he cheated on her. maybe they have been trying to rekindle. i don't know. it feels shocking and awful. i would have at least liked a conversation about what changed for him. i thought the sex was great. maybe he just didn't.
InsaneTrombone Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Did you guys text just about everyday for two months? Or were there days - a week where nothing was said? Were your texts short, like 4 a day or what? It seems very weird to 'hit it n quit it' if the guy invested that much time for 2 months.
Joaquin Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 It was nothing to do with the sex. Most people give it a few goes before bailing based on any sexual compatibility issues.
Author newlyborn Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 Did you guys text just about everyday for two months? Or were there days - a week where nothing was said? Were your texts short, like 4 a day or what? It seems very weird to 'hit it n quit it' if the guy invested that much time for 2 months. we started texting daily after the first month or so. we usually texted throughout the day. we did not always have deep and meaningful exchanges but texted every morning and night. he has texted me "good morning" ONCE since we slept together. and he had been talking more about sex during our dates as things became more physical. we had not had the exclusivity conversation, but he would tell me how much he adored me, that i made him feel so alive, that he looked forward to starting a new life with me. he once even told me that he had visions of being married to me while meditating. i feel like an even bigger idiot even writing it now...
amaysngrace Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 he has a five-year-old who lives with him for half of the week. he and his son's mother broke up two years ago after he cheated on her. maybe they have been trying to rekindle. i don't know. it feels shocking and awful. i would have at least liked a conversation about what changed for him. i thought the sex was great. maybe he just didn't. Well there you go! He treats women like crap. This guy is so not boyfriend material. It's just a shame you started to care about him. He didn't really deserve that because he obviously doesn't value that someone cares about him. He pretends to though. 3
Author newlyborn Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 Putting 2 months of time into a girl just to ghost after getting laid is not anything unusual. The prevailing attitude a guy has at times like this is, "what do I have better to do?" May as well work on some girl. If women want to avoid getting involved with guys who do this sort of thing, they can. So he cheated on the mother of his child and you are surprised when he doesn't treat you right? Most likely nothing has changed for him. I'm going to guess that he got what he wanted and is not worried about putting time into you now. He will probably keep your number in case he wants to get laid again though. He will probably call or text out of the blue with some excuses on why you haven't heard from him. this is so painful but so necessary for me to read. luckily, i have already blocked him. 1
amaysngrace Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 He will probably keep your number in case he wants to get laid again though. He will probably call or text out of the blue with some excuses on why you haven't heard from him. I agree that he might come back around. Please newlyborn think higher of yourself than he thinks of you if he does. 3
amaysngrace Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 this is so painful but so necessary for me to read. luckily, i have already blocked him. That's good. He sounds like such a creep. And you can learn something here too. Him saying he wants to marry you and saying all those very strong statements is a red flag. Genuine feelings take time to develop. And when somebody comes on so strong they leave just the same way. Almost overnight. 3
Tayken Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 so, it has been a week, and still nothing from him. i am pretty hurt. i had not had sex in 1.5 years. how could someone treat someone like this whom they dated and talked to everyday for two months? Hmmmm.....How can someone do this you say? It happens a lot in the world of OLD. Women have no qualms doing too just so you know. Pants drop so fast when it is a cutie until the next cutie shows up, then it's bang bang and BJs
smackie9 Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Tip: have the exclusivitiy TALK before you have sex, or invest your feelings....never assume. A sure sign he will commit is that he goes out of his way to do special things for you like grabbing you your favorite soup on the way over to your place, or buys you a little something that you saw or made comment on, he introduces you to his friends, he wants to be with you doing regular things like grocery shop, or help with yard work, etc. 2
stillafool Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 so, i have been dating a new guy in a new city and was so excited about him. we have been dating for nearly two months. for the most part, we went out regularly, spoke or texted daily, even when either of us traveled briefly out of town. a few days ago, we finally slept together. we had discussed it in advance, and i had been hesitant because i have never slept with anyone outside of a serious relationship. and this guy and i had not decided necessarily to be exclusive. that seemed ok, though, because we seemed to like each other very much. anyway, i am very sad and confused because after sleeping with him a few days ago, he hasn't made any mention of seeing me again. he has only said that we should go out "soon." and the day after we slept together was the first day i didn't get a good morning text. as a matter of fact, there has been a noticeable decline in communication altogether. please tell me: is this a guy going into his "cave" after a period of closeness? or is it the standard "hit-it-and-quit-it"? i don't want to be naive here or continue to pursue something that is already on its way out... Why did you have sex with him if you felt hesitation? Did you want the sex also or did you just have it for him?
MrNate 2.0 Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 It seems a bit unusual. To invest like that only to disappear. I wonder has he a girlfriend or something. Not that unusual, actually. Don't underestimate the lengths a man (or woman) will go through to either get laid or get some side action while seeing someone else.
Leigh 87 Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 I am so sorry you are going through this... This happened to me a couple of times - the guy just disappeared.. It is as it looks; a guys actions are what counts - his ACTIONS have shown that even though he has a cell phone handy (as you know through his daily contact prior to the sex), and yet he is choosing not to contact you EVEN THOUGH he can very easily do so:sick: There is your closure. He didn't value you enough to want to keep in touch with you. No excuse will change this... My guy texted me out of the blue a month or two later! He said: " I was a prick to you why are you talking to me.. You know, I just had a crazy time, a lot of stuff on, I had to go to hospital for my depression" So like an IDIOT, I met him again, fooled around, and then never heard from him again. Some men are simply heartless and lack empathy - they really don't give a damn about other people. And don't think men like this are only this way to YOU; NO man who would disappear on a woman are nice people! So rest assured, most guys like this are genuinely callous, or else, some people are just very selfish and have a bad character; they are nice when it serves them, and when they are disinterested they simply don't bother talking to people.... He may get back in contact with you. If he does, ignore him. Don't respond to any sign of communication. He has already shown you that he is the type of guy who disappears after sex. A decent person would say " thanks but no thanks" after the sex. Disappearing is just plain awful. 1
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