kaylan Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Simple question. Why would a woman volunteer the number of partners shes slept with early on? I ask this because I had a new girl Im casually dating so far, divulge that information to me during a little break we had during a light hook up (by light, I mean we didnt have sex). This is the second or third woman Ive had tell me her count without my asking...and it just seems odd. The cynic in me thinks its a ploy to make me think shes a good girl and that her never may very well be much higher. And tbh, even though this woman says she started really dating at an older age, her number still seems a bit low considering how old we both are. I dunno, Im just trying to understand why a woman would share that without being asked. Especially with a guy she's still getting to know. Im thinking maybe she did it so I wouldn't think poorly of her regarding our getting physical happening a lil quickly. She also said a few times that her plan was flying out the window (in her mind we were supposed to have a few more hangouts before deciding on any kind of steamy makeout or hookup.) (Also, orignally we were both trying to make new friends in our boring area, and were giving hanging out a try before seeing if dating was an option) A plus though is that we both pumped the breaks on actual sex, as it wasnt the time or place for it. Im kinda proud of myself on that note since earlier in the year I got myself into drama hooking up too quickly with women I didnt know that well.
mammasita Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Insecurity most likely....IMO, you're right about her throwing it out there to make you think better of her. Instead of letting you get to know her at a natural pace, she has to throw tidbits out there for you to chew on and formulate your opinion "faster". Again, something I would do back when I was young, insecure, immature and inexperienced. I had no idea how to get to know someone and thought that I had to rush.
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 I don't know. If it was a 'high number' then perhaps she would volunteer it early, knowing it would come out at some point, so that if the other person hated it and couldn't handle it they weren't wasting their time. I can't imagine actually volunteering that info to somebody but mine is more than the average so I can see it from that perspective. But a low number? What was the discussion up to her telling you that? What were you talking about, it can't have just come from nowhere... I reckon she's probably telling you it to portray herself as a 'good girl' or she thinks it makes her more desirable (you always want what you can't have easily more than you want the thing that takes zero effort). Maybe she's trying to communicate that you'll have to wait a while before you sleep together. Only she knows.
Author kaylan Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 It was during our hook up session. We would stop every now and again just to talk about whatever. The point in which she shared that info was when we got to talking about how our friends plan didnt last too long.
OwMyEyeball Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 What do you want the answer to be? And there it is. The answer to your question!
ascendotum Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 For a woman with a low partner count, I could imagine that revealing it early could be seen by her as a selling point so to speak. A lot of guys would see her as more like gf material. Also she might be indicating to you that she is not into casual hookups. Its hard to know what to believe when a woman talks about her past. I know female friends who make no bones about lying and like the women on here lie because they resent being judged. Some will only count the guys that were good or they weren't drunk when they did it. lol I've read an article on this topic in a woman's magazine and while it did not recommend lying it made it clear you don't have to tell the truth if you don't want to. Recommended approach = I've had my share of fun. For me getting that, I would assume she's embarrassed by a high number. A couple of former promiscuous girls I knew when young now older act different -'I'm an old fashioned romantic girl' or now get upset over sex talk and act like 'I'm not that type of girl' lol. If a girl had a high partner count and gave it out early on then as someone else said she's wants to be herself with you and wants to get it out there so you can deal with it early on and move on quick if its an issue. Good on them. I've dated a couple of girls in recent years that early on talk about the past and made it clear they had a lot of fun and talked about some crazy sexual hi-jinx without saying how many. The impression I had was they were revealing I've got myself an adventurous exciting women (though one was not as kinky for me as they used to be). Current gf dropped it mths in while we were watching a movie (big #). She gave mixed signals before.
ScreaminEagle Posted November 7, 2014 Posted November 7, 2014 Ancient Chinese Secret: Multiply what she tells you times 3. I had a girlfriend do the same thing. Volunteered early. She only had six partners. Ok no big deal. Also wondered why she volunteered this so early. That was only the trickle truth. Those six partners turned out to be 36, although my situation maybe extreme I think her guilt was talking or insecurity.
Jules Dash Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Ancient Chinese Secret: Multiply what she tells you times 3. I had a girlfriend do the same thing. Volunteered early. She only had six partners. Ok no big deal. Also wondered why she volunteered this so early. That was only the trickle truth. Those six partners turned out to be 36, although my situation maybe extreme I think her guilt was talking or insecurity. Or maybe even 4 or 5 or 10. The number they give means nothing to me. I always assume it's higher and just keep on trucking. 1
xxoo Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 If it's a very low number, she might be trying to communicate her nervousness. I know there is a lot of skepticism and cynicism, but if a person (man or woman) truly has not had many partners, sex with a new partner might be intimidating to them. That might be part of the reason the number is so low, don't you think? 2
sagamore Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 I'm happy to volunteer my partner count anytime. Mostly because I don't give a sh*t and assume my partner won't either. I mean, the past is the past! I'm not ashamed of any of my sexual decisions and I assume any partner I seriously considered would feel the same way.
BluEyeL Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 My bf blurted out his low number early on. It actually made me uncomfortable, because it felt like I had to share mine....mine is also low, very low for my age, but I don't think it matters. Why do people share this? I never knew my exH number but I know I wasn't his first, and never cared. I think in my case he wanted to show that he is not the type to sleep around.
TheGuard13 Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 She probably wants to see if you're the judgmental type.
Quiet Storm Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Since you consider her # to be low, maybe she thinks it's a selling point? If she thinks men value low numbers, then she could be advertising. She could also be testing you, to see if numbers are important to you or if you will judge her. Another possibility is that she genuinely wants to share her life experiences, so that you really know her, to build intimacy.
PogoStick Posted November 8, 2014 Posted November 8, 2014 Some women will tell you to counter the notion that they sleep with a lot of people, especially when she's planning (or already has) to sleep with you quickly. Her actions say she is easy because she's sleeping with you on, say, the second date. To make HER feel better she then tells you things like she's only been with 3 guys, or she was with only one guy for 10 years since high school. It doesn't matter to me, since I don't judge women on such things in the first place.
Author kaylan Posted November 15, 2014 Author Posted November 15, 2014 (edited) Lemme update. So she said she told me because she felt it was part of the convo. While we were hooking up I mentioned that I was clean, and then she said she was as well. So she thought the number count thing tied into the convo and let me know. Anyways, she seems cool so far..but I am a bit confused by the revelation still. Especially since today she texted me while tipsy with a friend. Just silly buzzed texts, but also a text mentioning how she thinks Im cool and feels we will have really great sex. (there is good chemistry) Its weird. Normally I wouldnt care about such things...but Im slightly put off because the behavior so far doesnt line up with what Id think a girl with few partners (less than 5) would act. And Im not put off by the count at all...but by the fact that I think I may have been told something untrue in order to alter my perception of her. I honestly would be more cool-headed assuming or knowing the number was high, or not knowing at all. So you see, my issue isnt numbers...as I wasnt planning on asking. My issue is that I may have been told something thats a fib. Edited November 15, 2014 by kaylan
preraph Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 She has no idea how people will judge her for that, but the good thing is she's not ashamed of it. It's better to be a person who doesn't do anything they care if other people know about than one who does it and feels ashamed or lies about it. Much healthier if she's fine with her number and expects other people to realize it hasn't squat to do with them.
xxoo Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 How do you expect someone with a low number of partners to act?
Author kaylan Posted November 15, 2014 Author Posted November 15, 2014 How do you expect someone with a low number of partners to act? Lol, based on past experience, the girls with the lower counts were a bit more conservative. And less forward with how they spoke and acted toward me.
Author kaylan Posted November 15, 2014 Author Posted November 15, 2014 She has no idea how people will judge her for that, but the good thing is she's not ashamed of it. It's better to be a person who doesn't do anything they care if other people know about than one who does it and feels ashamed or lies about it. Much healthier if she's fine with her number and expects other people to realize it hasn't squat to do with them. Like I said, I enjoy that she was open with me. And actually I felt a bit put on the spot and shared my number because she shared hers ( i normally keep that to myself early on) But it is what it is. Counts dont bug me...and heck, im still getting over a good friend whos hit 30 partners. I knew her number and wanted to date her. My issue is I can be too untrusting. And I guess Im overly cautious. I just wanna make sure Im not gonna have someone be dishonest with me. Thats my biggest dating hurdle, is my ability to trust. Still working on that.
Million.to.1 Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 Lol, based on past experience, the girls with the lower counts were a bit more conservative. And less forward with how they spoke and acted toward me. Well, maybe she is trying something new. Maybe she has had a boast of confidence and finds being forward a turn-on she hasn't experienced before. I think you are reading too much into it. She was probably just trying to tell you that hooking up with guys she just met (like she is with you) has not been something she has done in the past.
thecrucible Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 Could be she's insecure about it? Or maybe she's had guys be judgemental about it previously and she doesn't want it to happen again? Or perhaps she likes to be straightforward and have everything out in the open?
xxoo Posted November 15, 2014 Posted November 15, 2014 Lol, based on past experience, the girls with the lower counts were a bit more conservative. And less forward with how they spoke and acted toward me. I can you first hand that is not always the case!
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