Is she on the fade?

[KFuPanda]

Yeah, I met this girl through OLD. She said she was mostly looking for friends since she just moved to my city.

 

We met once, we clicked, it was a good dinner. She took her train back home after a hug and that was it. We met a week later, drank some beers, talked for a long time. Went back to my place, we were talking and I just kissed her.

 

We made out for a long time, then she went home.

Next few times we did things, nothing more progressed, just making out before she went home. She told me she liked me.

 

We started going to a few clubs, she danced with me very provocative, it turned me on and she knew it. We went back to my place, said we weren't having sex, no problem. We made out some, slept next to each other.

Another time like this, we drank until super late and I had been drinking all day for a friends going away party. She said she would come over the next day and bring me dinner and we could watch a movie. She did, I was super tired from the day before, and she just kept asking me if everything was fine. Or if it was too much.

 

I said yeah, sure I am just tired from last night I guess. She went home even though she said she was going to stay the night. We met a week later, and she came in and said she was really bothered about last week. That I should have told her that I was too tired and that it made her uncomfortable. I apologized, told her that I did want her to come over but didn't realize how tired I was going to get and still be from the night before.

 

We had dinner, drank some wine, hung out, and I went for a kiss and I could sense something was different. She sort of pulled away. I asked her if she was uncomfortable by it, and she said yes a bit. Now? She had made out with me in a club after giving me a boner. Now she is uncomfortable? Anyway, we talked, I guess she said she didn't want to get involved with someone who was just 'meh' about her.. because apparently the week before I gave that impression when I was tired. Because she can't only go in part way and apparently it was all now too fast, maybe I could handle the making out and stuff, but for her she can't control or keep her emotions from going full in when we make out and things.

 

I told her fine, we could just take a step back and slow it all down. She was crying about it, we were also slightly drunk. She still hugged me, put her hand in my pocket and pulled me close to her. She ended up staying the night and cuddling with me.

 

Next day, I sent her a message to apologize about the time I was tired and that for everything that has made her uncomfortable. She wrote me back saying it was all okay, blah blah and signed it 'Kiss, name'... which is ironic because apparently my kissing is too much. Not like we're virgins or anything, she is 34, 5 years older than me. I didn't know making out was so emotional.

 

Anyway, that was almost 2 weeks ago. We have both been busy, she has been in another city. I actually went to that city to meet some friends but had some time before they came so I sent her a message. She was really friendly for two responses and said she would love to meet for a coffee if she has time and that she would call me. Which she never did.

 

That was our only contact now in almost 3 weeks. She hasn't logged into our OLD site, texted me, or anything.

 

Is she fading out? What did I do? It seemed like things were going all too well and then she freaks out over nothing, over me being tired and hungover after we drank together until 4 am, and withdraws completely. I find it strange.

[cdt76]

It seems that is the way of the world these days. I had a similar thing happen. I think you can chalk it up as done. I mean, who wouldn't understand all day drinking and into the night causes a person to be very tired!?? My guess is she just used that as an excuse to leave. There is no reason or explanation. If there was, I'd have heard it by now because this has happened to me dozens of times. I'm sorry brother.

[Mrin]

She's definitely on the fade. That much is clear.

 

I'm a dude, so there rest is pure conjecture and probably wrong. But hey, I'm a writer and like making stuff up. So here goes:

 

1. The night she came over when you were tired - she felt rejected. It honestly doesn't matter whether you intended to reject her (you didn't) or whether she understands that now. The short of it was she felt rejected and from what I can tell, feeling rejected (whether rooted in fact or fiction) is one of the worst feelings a woman can have. May have dredged up old feelings and experiences. Just the mere experiencing of that emotion was enough to send her into a tailspin with you.

 

2. After entering the tailspin she went out of town and visited some friends. 2 things could have happened:

 

Possibility A: She met some guy and hit it off. Felt desired.

 

Possibility B: I've seen this a lot and unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it). She hung out with her girlfriends and talked about you. Analyzed you and her to death. Probably along with some other guys in her life. Wine was drunk. Tears were shed. And I'm afraid the group consensus was that she didn't need to get wrapped up with you right now in her life. She just moved to town. She should make other friends, meet other people. This probably has a lot more to do with her than you. Resolute in the group's consensus she came back to town with a new attitude and you're seeing it.

 

Frankly, not much you can do except move on and wait for her drunk text/call.

 

Best of luck dude!

[KFuPanda]

Yeah, she was going to visit her good friend. She actually had a year plus relationship with her a while back but both decided they'd rather be with men for the long term. Who knows, who knows. I wouldn't be jealous of the two girls hahah, maybe it's because I am not in love with her or anything.

 

I just am a little pissed off about the fade. I am a very patient and easy going person. Her last contact with me was very genuine that she likes spending time with me, thinks I am cool, and wants to continue, just that she wanted to slow down the romancin. ****, call it what you want, friendzone whateves, I don't care. I am more annoyed about the fact it was a lie. The fade is such a weak way to end a relationship. I know we were only seeing each other for a couple months, I just feel annoyed by the lack of closure.

 

I feel like telling her that. Thanks for the time, I did really enjoy it. Wish you all the best.. or something like that. Just for my own sake. Is it possible that she is trying to kill romantic feelings and maybe wants to start over later? Should I send this?

[Haerts]

As a woman myself, I'd be annoyed too if a guy I'm hanging out with doesn't show much interest. When you're tired, you do that. Even if it wasn't your intention, that happens. However, you told her what happened, you said you were sorry, so there's nothing you should be worried about; she should understand and just forget about it. But really, after a week and she was still sad about it? Even after you said you were sorry?

 

Also, she said she would love to meet you for a coffee and said she would call you. She didn't. And until now, there's no contact. She's obviously not interested anymore or it could be that she is, but she would rather walk away first for fearing a rejection or something like that (I'd bet on this last possibility, considering she was very hurt by something so small).

 

If I were you, I'd just move on. If you feel like you're confused and you would like an answer, call/text her and ask what's up, if something happened to make her fade away, I don't know. I don't think it's worth it, but if you think that will make you feel better, why not? At the worst scenario, you won't receive an answer, which is enough to make you realize that it's over.

[Elle1975]

she would love to meet for a coffee if she has time and that she would call me. Which she never did.

 

There is your answer. "Next" and move on.