Hollywood-Tourist Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I have finally moved on from my ex and have started online dating on Match.com which seems to be going good so far. I have been chatting to a woman 11yrs older than me and we are getting on really well so far. We've only been speaking for one week and we're getting on so well that we've even exchanged mobile numbers. Last night she randomly sent me this text which said: Her: Hi there (my name). So, you're not just (my name).....other names?x I responded........... Me: I know but I'm always wary giving personal details over the internet early on in situations like this. It's not that I don't trust you because I do, it's just that I would think at least meeting the person first or speaking to them would and should be the first step. x Her: Im still not sure i agree with you tho. Not gonna track you down and stalk you.x What I want to know is, was I right to say what I did and not give her mu full name yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Erm... personally I think she would be mad to go on a date with you if she doesn't know your name etc... What if your a mad axe murderer? One of the most basic bits of advise with OLD is tell someone who you are meeting, where, when and as much info as possible about them just in case... Sorry but I think if I were doing it I would do a bit of on line investigation or stalking simply because I want to know the person is legitimate... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Meh I'm fairly careless with on line dating. I don't give out personal information that could damage my financials or career. But for the most part I'm fairly open. I've yet to have any issues. I just wouldn't hand out your address and stuff. You don't want a stalker, or to ruin your finances. But here is how I suggest you deal with it when they ask for personal information you're not ready to give. "I'm simply not ready to give out such personal informatiom yet." If they still push just say "I'm new to the whole net dating world and need to take things slow." If they can't respect that I think you should move on. You'll know a scammer when you see one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 You did the right thing. You do not know her, she is a stranger, all you have is her word that she is not some wako, it has no value. Actually this week I have a friend who gave her full name to a man she has not met. He showed up at the bank where she works, then he sat in his car and waited for her to get off work to watch her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I would never meet a man off the internet if I did not know his full name. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I would never meet a man off the internet if I did not know his full name. And I would not give my full name to a man on the Internet. You don't need someone full name to meet them in a public place in the middle of the day. Every day you come across strangers in public places that you know nothing of them. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I agree with Gaeta. I never gave my full name to a prospective date before meeting them in person, nor did I expect women to provide that information until we'd had at least a few dates. Meeting in public - as is always wise - does not require such information. Once you've established an interest in seeing each other, you can exchange information. No-one has the right to expect details or do a background check if you're only meeting in public, and anyone who expects otherwise raises a red flag for me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Jules Dash Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 There is nothing wrong with withholding your last name until you meet. You just meet in a public place where she feels safe. If that is not good enough for her then I guess she doesn't get to meet you. I just made a thread about a similar situation in which a woman I met online was trying to fish out my personal info. I am almost 100% sure she was a prostitute working the OLD sites. I don't need someone like that having my personal info. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 There are two different equally valid schools of thought on the subject but neither camp is going to change their mind. If you don't want to give her your name, don't but don't be upset if she refuses to meet you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Do you know her full name ? When I did OLD I never held back who I was.. normally I took the conversation off of match in less than a week onto my work email and that gave away who I was I always used my real first name though but never gave my last name until the conversation came off of match and a meetup was going to happen. If you want to meet the girl then give her your name.. I can't think of a single person who would go out on a date with a guy knowing only his alias, talk about being stupid with her safety if she did. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
The Like Fairy Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Be upfront from the get go. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 What is the difference. You could have met this person in person randomly somewhere and they would know you name at least and you might give them your phone number. Even after you meet someone randomly in public and you give your number, they could still harrass you. Giving your phone number after you make a plan to meet them in order to be able to contact each in other in case of an emergency preventing you from meeting them or if you are delayed. If they harrass you by phone, so what, block them or ignore. You can even change your number if you have to. I wouldn't give an address though. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisisIt606 Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 She prob just wants to google you for confirmation,safety reasons, find other pics (to make sure you didnt post your "best" ones) numerous reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I thought you meant she wanted to know your SSN, mothers maidan name, where you went to high school and elementray school, the 3 digit CVV of your credit cards, your full address as well as the last 3 addresses you have lived at. But she just wants to know your last name. What are you hiding? Girls google my name, they find some basic info on me that can be pertinent to what they decide about me.....and I want them to find it. Now if I were a convicted felon or something like that, I guess I'd try not to make their search easy. And really, unless you got things to hide, they won't find much on the internet about you other than really basic stuff. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I do the same. I like to look for potential dates on Facebook. why? Because a Facebook that has been active for a few years tells me the guy is who he says he is. edit: if that makes me a stalker so be it lol Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Lol at how cautious people are haha I wouldn't even reply to someone to someone who's last name I don't know but then again I've slept with girls that never gave me a last name Link to post Share on other sites
slizl Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 After about the third or fourth email, I would leave my last name in my signature so they could google me to find out that I was just a normal dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 All, When I was with OLD I never gave out my last name because it was an unusual one and I could easily be tracked down. I never asked for theirs either. I would schedule a few dates at neutral places and see how it went. Most of these never went anywhere so it didn't matter. I always dated guys from out-of-town (about 30 miles away) as I felt safer doing that. I also observed all the other rules, not getting in their car, not getting a lot of booze down my neck etc etc. Just common sense really Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 I think you did right OP. I don't give out my surname until I have at least met someone face to face. If I don't feel great about the meet they never get to know my surname. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I don't give out my surname until I have at least met someone face to face. If I don't feel great about the meet they never get to know my surname. Same here. The guy I have been currently emailing and plan to meet in a few weeks gave me his name before he gave me his email address. I gave him my email but no name, explaining I've been stalked before. He didn't have a problem with it. I met a man in the UK, we had a good time but no love connection. We remain friends to this day. After a year we both realized he didn't know my last name! Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Maybe she wants to know your full name so she can look you up on FB or whatever. It is a bit stalkerish but she's a lady and we give her a pass on that because it's dangerous for women to meet up with random guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Maybe she wants to know your full name so she can look you up on FB or whatever. It is a bit stalkerish but she's a lady and we give her a pass on that because it's dangerous for women to meet up with random guys. the pendulum swings both ways on that concept. she gets a free pass??? There are plenty of wacko stalker females...so lets be fair and deal with the decorum.... As adults it would be best to save the surnames , they have only introduced one another a week ago! I'd be mindful of a pushy person. Whether you are male or female, if you sense the person is getting intrusive early on, then kindly sway them to respect your privacy. You do not owe them a "reason". If you are honest in your online data, then there is nothing to hide. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I find it a bit odd myself. I've met guys without knowing their surname, never occurred to even ask. My first thought is she wants to check you on facebook, so why doesn't she just ask. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 (edited) the pendulum swings both ways on that concept. she gets a free pass??? There are plenty of wacko stalker females...so lets be fair and deal with the decorum.... As adults it would be best to save the surnames , they have only introduced one another a week ago! I'd be mindful of a pushy person. Whether you are male or female, if you sense the person is getting intrusive early on, then kindly sway them to respect your privacy. You do not owe them a "reason". If you are honest in your online data, then there is nothing to hide. lol believe me I know plenty of these wacko stalker females you're talking about. I'm just saying in terms of danger it's a little bit more elevated for women. Plus, good luck getting a date with a girl online when you're being coy with her about who you are. They want to feel safe. That's why I always suggest very well populated areas during the day and very casual meetups until we get to know each other. It comes with the territory of online dating. You should expect that. I find it a bit odd myself. I've met guys without knowing their surname, never occurred to even ask. My first thought is she wants to check you on facebook, so why doesn't she just ask. Who knows, but I'd guess the same. She wants to check him out and make sure he's ok before randomly meeting him somewhere. I'm sure she probably also wants to see more pictures and decide silently in her head whether or not he's good enough. We all know people do that. I actually had a gf once who admitted to me that she had a cop friend of hers run a background check on me before we went out. I thought it was the weirdest thing but I guess she was just being careful... Edited October 19, 2014 by IronZ Link to post Share on other sites
michellew Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I don't think it's odd at all. Like others have said, she's probably just taking an extra precaution before meeting a stranger. Link to post Share on other sites
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