whodat11 Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 (edited) So here's the deal. I'm a 20 year old guy and have been with this incredible girl for around 4 years now. I always had this "what if" feeling since the start of the relationship. I know I love her and everything about our relationship. One thing though, is that we are very very different people with different attitudes, personalities, interests, and same goals but different motivations. Ever since day one I've had GIGS. Never faded and now it's stronger than ever, but at least I finally realize what it is. Lately I've had GIGS with someone specific too. Very serious GIGS. Never really had it before like this. Only one other time with a different girl, but it faded quickly. I really can't seem to shake it this time. What bothers me the most also, is that I am unsure if this girl would be loyal or how she is in a relationship. We really do connect though. I mean we are spot on compatible in terms of interests (music, what to do for fun, etc.) I generally have a way better time, more fun, with this other girl than I really ever do with my gf. This other one has slept around though and has a few close guy friends. But I dunno. I know for a fact that I can resist the urge to cheat, but I don't know how to shake this GIGS. Is there any way to get rid of these feelings? I know that this girl would make a perfect wife. She already makes a perfect girlfriend and best friend. Some side notes: I have not had sex with my girlfriend. She is a virgin, I'm not. She wants to save it till marriage but would probably give it up if I tried. Not that I will or won't, just saying. Also, I got into the relationship with her very fast after I left my last gf who cheated on me, but I was crazy about and really had strong feelings for. I also lost mine to her. This one, I have never had feelings of the same intensity. So what can I do? Or is there anything I can do? Is GIGS something everyone has to deal with? Will I, no matter who I marry, just have to say f-it and muscle through the GIGS? Edited September 11, 2014 by whodat11
mightycpa Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Is there any way to get rid of these feelings? Dump the GF and follow your heart. You're too young anyway. Marry the GF and probably crash and burn at some point, or have GIGS all your life, or both. FWIW, most people are the same, plus or minus a few things. The grass isn't greener. Sometimes, it's a little thicker, or it's got more weeds, or it is a different variety. Tall and wheaty vs. kentucky bluegrass vs. Florida sawgrass. But whatever it is, eventually, you've got to mow it all the time. That said, if you feel it, you've generally got to get it out of your system. It probably won't just go away. 1
doeblin Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 So you're more interested in other girls than in your gf. You're 20. 20s should be a time of exploration. DO NOT cheat on her though. If you want to have sex with someone else, just break up with your gf respectfully. Also forget about vine swinging. Don't jump into another exclusive relationship a week after the break up. Explore. 2
aussietigerwolf Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Also don't expect your current gf to want to get back together when/if you get this all out of your system.
Author whodat11 Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 Honestly, I think I will end up breaking up with her. It just sucks because I know that she is what I want to marry. I'm just young and want to see what else is out there/have some fun though. And I feel like crap because I know I'll look back and know that it was a stupid reason to give up what I had. I already know it is. I do know that there are only a handful of girls like her in the world. If I could just get rid of this GIGS I would, because I love her and am genuinely happy with what we have. I also know that if or when I break up with her, I have a long line of bad relationships heading my way (People just aren't as respectable or honorable as they used to be). She definitely defeats the general population.
Author whodat11 Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 @aussietigerwolf I know, that's why I'm really thinking this through. If I could, I would do just that though. But I would feel bad for doing that to her. And that's just not how things work.
doeblin Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 I do know that there are only a handful of girls like her in the world. More like a million. You will probably hit a few skanks along the way though. If GIGS is a common occurrence for you, then you shouldn't even be thinking about marriage till the other side of your 20s.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Jesus, I'm three years older than you and even I can't see myself settling down in earnest at this juncture. You're not even old enough to drink, you can't even rent a car by yourself nor a hotel room. You are so incredibly young that in another 20 years (two of your lifetimes) you WILL STILL BE fairly young. That being said, how many topics like this are you going to start before you end it? You're having (perfectly natural) thoughts and urges regarding going out and experiencing life. Fine. But what's not fine is you having these thoughts and urges while still pretty much stringing your girlfriend along. That isn't fair and it isn't a very nice way to treat someone you claim to regard so well. Break it off. You've had more than enough people tell you it's the right thing to do. Your waffling and contemplating will result in the same end anyway. Now you're just dragging things out. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Guys your age shouldn't be in relationships, don't care how "mature", responsible, wise for your age you think you are...in 10 years you'd stomp your "now" self into the ground in terms of everything. You need to go out and get it out of your system while you're young and pretty much everyone is "available" on a rotating cycle and nothing is ultimately in that "really serious" state. But doing it for another girl specifically is a bad idea because you're just going to want to leave her too, I wouldn't get tied into her either and relationship hop. You need to just stay single and not get too involved in any one thing because you think she's the best thing on earth, it's easy to feel that way when you have no experience in your romantic relationships and only spent most of your somewhat adult life with one person, you have no perspective, experience at all compared to what you'll gain within the next ten or even five years...even mid 20's is quite young but at least you've got some grown-up experience and thinking by then that's been tested a little bit...hopefully. Go out and have sex with as many girls you want or that you think you can get if that's what you want, staying in this relationship and then just fantasizing about other women isn't going to just go away...and you're not even having sex in your relationship now which is a disaster waiting to happen...you'll either stupidly get married because of it too early on or feel even more intense about this. If you're only worried about whether you're going to lose the current girl, you're already in the wrong frame of mind...you don't know how awesome she is or would be down the road, you have no idea if this relationship will even be in over in the next 3 or 4 years anyway, even if you get married...you're still figuring out yourself, let alone another person...don't stay with her just because you think there's no one else like her....the reality is there are plenty of people in the world, she is not the only one, and with your experience I have 100 percent confident you have no idea what that even is, or anyone your age for that matter. 1
Diezel Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 It just sucks because I know that she is what I want to marry. Trust some of the older people on this... No you don't. You don't know that she is the one you want to marry.
CharlieFox Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Forgive me for my stupid question, but what is GIGS?
mammasita Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 You shouldn't be with her if that's how you've felt from day 1. When I was younger, I always gauged how much I was into the person by whether or not I felt like there was someone "better" out there.....of course back then, I had no idea what "GIGS" was. Case in point - years ago there was a guy who was very into me, perfect on paper, my friends LOVED him. My girlfriend asked me why I wouldn't date him....my response was "I don't feel like he's it" meaning I would always feel like there was someone else out there. You've done this girl and yourself a disservice by carrying on as long as you have. Let her go now.
d0nnivain Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 You don't have GIGS. You have outgrown your high school GF, that's all. Having sex with her won't change anything except make her crazy because you took her virginity & left. Don't be that kind of a jerk. Go explore. Live your life. Be happy & don't look back.
PegNosePete Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 If GIGS is a common occurrence for you, then you shouldn't even be thinking about marriage till the other side of your 20s. Fixed for ya! 1
doeblin Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Forgive me for my stupid question, but what is GIGS? It's named after Ryan Giggs, coz' he just couldn't keep it in his pants. 1
Author whodat11 Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 So a break up is eminent and for the better. And better sooner than later, but there is a problem. Her birthday is in a week exactly. After that, about a week later, we were going to take a trip out of state to see a concert and she's really been looking forward to it. I really doubt that she would go if we break up. How should I handle it? I don't want to be an jerk, but I'm a jerk if I leave her right before her birthday, I'm a jerk if I leave her right before the trip, and I'm a jerk if I string her along through it all just to dump her.
d0nnivain Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 There will never be a good time. You can't string her along. Now is better but intellectually I can understand a decision to wait until after the trip despite how disingenuous that may seem. You are trying to less the blow but there is no time that will make that happen.
Author whodat11 Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 Do you think that she would appreciate it if I wait till after it all?
doeblin Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 So a break up is eminent and for the better. And better sooner than later, but there is a problem. Her birthday is in a week exactly. After that, about a week later, we were going to take a trip out of state to see a concert and she's really been looking forward to it. I really doubt that she would go if we break up. How should I handle it? I don't want to be an jerk, but I'm a jerk if I leave her right before her birthday, I'm a jerk if I leave her right before the trip, and I'm a jerk if I string her along through it all just to dump her. LOL there is another thread with the same issue in the breakup section. ("How to leave such a sweet girl") Are you the same guy with a different nick? Your prose is different though. You see it clearly that you'll be a jerk either way. That's just the way it is. Anyway, don't string her along, if you want to break up do it soon. Be firm.
Author whodat11 Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 Oh wow ha I just read through that thread. It is nice to see someone else's view on a similar situation. I feel that he will probably have a harder time leaving his girl than I will though. I am more certain than not that it's the right thing to do. That's probably an indicator on my part that I should't hesitate with it all. So yeah, I guess this weekend when I see her I'll let her know how I feel. It just makes me feel almost evil because she's been nothing less than a fantastic girlfriend to me.
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