Atticus9292012 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I have a former love interest that is now just a friend. We have dated other people since and we both know this. We also have a lot of mutual friends. On Saturday I had a party at my house and I mass invited friends of ours, which he was included in. Even when i invited him I told him he could bring a date...and he said "oh I'll just bring a friend." I really didn't expect him to show up given our history and the fact that he supposedly is dating someone else (which he will neither confirm nor deny to me). Well, he did in fact show up with a buddy of his. His buddy leaves after only about an hour. My friend stays. He knew everyone at my house so not knowing anyone wouldn't explain this....but he literally followed me around my house like a lost puppy. A couple of times I went into my room and he'd follow me in there and shut the door behind him. I kept thinking he was going to initiate something, but he never did. I went into my bathroom once and I came out and he was on my bed. I asked him if he was okay (we'd been drinking) so I thought maybe he had a little too much. He said "no, just comfy." I walked out of my room back where the rest of my guests were. He stayed all night and was the last person to leave. The entire night he kept getting me drinks and offered to help me with whatever I needed. At one point we were sitting next to each other on my couch and he showed me pictures of a hiking trip he went on recently. He was showing me pictures of him and suddenly he'd get to a picture of a girl or him and a girl and he'd pull his phone close to him so I couldn't see. He also made a lengthy phone call outside. I asked who he went on the trip with and he said just a friend. I have always been attracted to this guy, but honestly I really just want to be his friend. I genuinely enjoy his company. I was recently invited to a birthday party of a mutual friend of ours in a town an hour away and considered asking him to go with me. I am just worried he is going to expect something or was expecting something to happen Saturday based on his behavior. Am I reading too much into this?
PegNosePete Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 honestly I really just want to be his friend. I genuinely enjoy his company. Well he clearly doesn't feel the same. He wants more but isn't making a move, probably due to fear of rejection. It's virtually impossible to maintain a friendship when one party wants more. If you really want to try, then you need to nip this in the bud. Tell him it's never going to happen and if he wants to keep up the friendship then he needs to accept and get over it.
longjohn Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Ex's never make good friends, they make excellent ex's lol. This is all too common for an ex to want more while the other party has moved on. Leave the ex in the past where he belongs or risk inference in future relationships.
Author Atticus9292012 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 Another friend of mine made a comment that it seemed like he was waiting for me to make a move. It's just weird because so much time has passed and he has talked to everyone in our friend group about this girl he's dating but me. I guess he is hoping I'll be on the back burner if things go south with her? I also thought maybe I was reading into it, but glad to know I'm not totally crazy.
Dork Vader Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Okay ex'es are ex'es for a reason. They are not your friends. Even if it was just an old FWB. Even if you both want to be friends there is a history there. When you start to date someone else you'll either have to lie about them being an ex or tell the truth. That will lead to conflict at some point. The simple truth is no matter how done the two of you might be. There is potential for old feelings to rekindle. It can and will happen. Think about it would you want your boy friend maintaining a friendship with someone he's had sex with? Would you want him to be talking to that person about you?
smackie9 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Lookin for a FWB probably. He was hoping you would be vulnerable enough to go for it.
Mrin Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Another friend of mine made a comment that it seemed like he was waiting for me to make a move. It's just weird because so much time has passed and he has talked to everyone in our friend group about this girl he's dating but me. I guess he is hoping I'll be on the back burner if things go south with her? I also thought maybe I was reading into it, but glad to know I'm not totally crazy. That's exactly what he was doing. He laid down on the bed. If you had laid down next to him he would have initiated something. As to whether you are plan a or plan b - who knows... 1
biogal Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 He's either wishing he was with you and dating the other girl because he isn't with you OR with her and trying to keep things open with you in case things go south with her. Either way, it sounds like a bad situation and you need to either give up on any kind of friendship with him or tell him that nothing will ever happen between you two and see if the friendship survives that bomb-drop.
Author Atticus9292012 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 Yeah I will probably see him this weekend as we travel in the same circle and try to talk to him. The thing that is really interesting to me is he is the one who ended things with me. I find it ironic that he would expect me to initiate something.
smackie9 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I had an ex who thought after 3 weeks of him breaking up with me, that I would drop everything to be with him again....I laughed in his face and said no f-ing way. Needless to say but he was shocked and pissed off. He had a history of ex GFs clamouring to go out with him again....mmm not this time!
smackie9 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Yeah I will probably see him this weekend as we travel in the same circle and try to talk to him. The thing that is really interesting to me is he is the one who ended things with me. I find it ironic that he would expect me to initiate something. If he has good intentions then he would have man'd up and asked you out again or at least talked about it. 1
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