What does "spark" mean to you?

[Kid_Charlemange]

So I was dating this woman for a couple months. I felt we were incredibly compatible on so many levels; intellectually, culturally, politically, we shared the same weird sense of humor. She introduced me to her friends, I to mine. The sex was amazing.

 

After a weekend visit, she told me yesterday, via email, that we're done.

 

I kinda let that sink in, and tonight we did some text exchanges. I couldn't figure out what went wrong, and she was open to talk about it -- said she was incredibly sad because this wasn't working, and that I was such a great guy. I asked if there was someone else, and the answer was no. I asked if it was a physical attraction thing, and she said no, not really. Eventually she answered: "Nothing was wrong. Nobody did anything wrong. I just didn't feel that spark thing that one is supposed to feel. I wanted to--I really did--but I didn't. I'm sorry."

 

I'm not sure what "spark" means. And keeping in mind, she's a transplanted Brit. What I got out of her through the night was that she never really felt any "spark," but her girlfriends had told her she was being too picky, so she went along to see if it would come. Now keep in mind we would text for hours a night, every night; by her own admission, the sex was fantastic (and she says that' unusual for her "without some strong connection." So I guess I don't really understand what the term means.

 

What does it mean to you?

 

I'm not worried about this one -- it's done, and she is pretty clear that she never had any real connection with me. But I've heard the term used before as kind of a catch-all, and thought it might be an interesting topic.

[Thegreatestthing]

Sparks and electricity is energetic,even spiritual it can't be rationalised and it is a deep inner knowing ,this little thing that sets you off ,I've always been disappointed when it didn't happen with even the hottest most compatible guy,she's doing you a favour so you can be with your soulmate and her hers.im sure she is disssapiinted too.

 

I have to tell the guy I'm dating that I don't feel the spark soulmate thing and what really made me realise was the question could I marry this guy,maybe she asked herself that,

[carhill]

To answer the title, to me it's knowing the person, the good, bad and ugly and, regardless of that mix, and the uncertainty, for life, of their feelings for oneself, feeling impelled to have them in one's thoughts and, apparently, experiencing the same thing from the other person. This can exist within or outside of an official 'relationship'.

[Damia]

I have just gone through the " other side " of your situation kid-Charlemagne

I was seeing a really great guy we had a lot in common but the " spark" was just not there for me.

 

No tingly anticipation about our next meeting, no toe curling when kissing, no disappointment at going home separately at the end of an evening.

 

Just the feeling of catching up with a close friend who's company you enjoy.

 

I am still second guessing myself as good relationships are supposedly ment to last longer if you are good friends first?

[Astrolink]

Read about the hormone oxytocin. It will explain the chemical changes that occur in a woman if she falls romantically in love with you. That's what creates the "sparks."

[todreaminblue]

a spark to me is a certain brightness,

 

a lifting of the heart a certain lightness,

a spark of warmth and a kind smile,

 

while searching my thoughts for just a while

 

a spark to me is from passionate eyes,

\a mouth that you know does not like to lie,

 

a spark to me is a rare and elusive thing,

 

a spark to me to start a heart to sing,

a heart to say could this be the one you are waiting for,

is this it, is that the spark that, i want to see more

so with sparks i try to search to know for sure,

if i should open or close the door

 

what is that spark that rare elusive thing poets do disagree,

i just know what sparks do so mean to me..........deb

[Imported]

Physical attraction. Sexual arousal. Or you'll be 'friend zoned'.

 

Deep conversation where you emotionally connect. Showing "your weakness" in a way that they think they understand you better and they become endeared to you because of it. Being able to communicate without words that you are attracted. Being caught "unintentionally" showing more interest than you intended. Acting in a way where you're a misunderstood tough guy, but they understand you and you're actually nice to them. Something like that.

 

Spark doesn't happen when you just talk about things like...the weather and your conversations are forced and you're not so much having a conversation as you are trying to think about what to talk about next. And everything you talk about is just boring. Or your date goes like an interview where you just ask/answer questions like a computer program written by a very smart kid, but he doesn't actually know anything about girls.

 

Or maybe "spark" is just a way for a girl to reject you without saying you're ugly and repulsive and/or boring.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Imported

[Supernatural]

'Spark' is a deep intuitive knowing that this person is meant to be in your life. I don't think you can create spark; it's either there or not. Spark is an unseen energy, so to me, that means no matter how good the conversation, the sex, the texts, or e-mails, it's something on a more spiritual plane that can't really be explained. It has to be felt and lived. The reason we're all here.

 

There is this young woman. Danielle. my age. 25. She comes in and out of my life. We have never kissed, had sex, or been on an official date. But we see each other in a deeply romantic light. I have this energy every time we're around each other. Like the world stops and nothing before that moment matters. Everything is complete presence.

Both of us know we are connected in some deeply profound way and are meant to end up with each other at some point because that 'spark' is so intense it cannot be ignored. Even if one of us is in the happiest place in our lives... 1 second around her; it blows everything else away. Even if my life is choas... She's like water in a church to me. It's like we can't escape one another. Not that even want to. Whether I end up with her or not, that's besides the point. The point is; that's 'spark'.

[Seraque]

Honestly, sometimes it could all be bull. For some people, a spark is an elusive thing they had with an ex or a type of guy/girl they liked in the past (likely a bad boy or girl type) that made them crazy, but didn't necessarily work out but now they are still searching for. Maybe she doesn't want to settle into something mature, or is not ready for a good, compatible partner, depending on her history with other guys. You may never know for sure, and the next girl you date might be crazy for you so don't feel too bad.

 

Also for some reason, the movie 500 Days of Summer comes to mind? Maybe it's that kind of thing where the girl really likes you but it's not "it". Ugh dating..

[Zippy2000]

Im a Brit too but I m beginning to believe this "spark", word or "chemistry" is beginning to sound like some sort of lame excuse not to be with someone.

 

However due to lots of dating I ve had this myself where sometimes I just dont feel it.

 

I guess some people are drawn into someone with some sort of "magneticism", or sexual aurora. Some people need it instantly but for some it comes slowly like a small emeber burning into a huge fire.

 

Me? I ve had spark feeling many times but unfortunately the other side hasnt.

[Kid_Charlemange]

 

Or maybe "spark" is just a way for a girl to reject you without saying you're ugly and repulsive and/or boring.

 

I got a bit of clarification from this woman after I wrote my original post, and that's exactly it: Apparently, I was so nice, and so funny, and so clever, and we matched up so well on virtually everything, and the sex as so good, that she tried for two months to get past my looks, but in the end just couldn't do it.

 

At least she was honest.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Kid_Charlemange