yxalitis Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Left the ex, see my other posts for that whole story... Moved out to a share flat, chose one with a single mum and her lovely 8-year old daughter. I wanted that sense of family, not just another 6-bedroom commune, or some "This is MY house, have a room over in the corner" share arrangement. The lady is a delightful Asian women, who was welcoming and friendly right from the get go. The first night we talked about my ex, over some wine, and I went to bed content I'd made the right share choice. The next day she started texting me, quite a lot, and was a little flirty and suggestive in some of her messages. After work I completed getting the last of my stuff from the ex, and she helped me bring everything up to the room, she's so nice like that. That night we once again sat down on the couch with a wine and talked, again, she wore little shorts and a light top under her robe, but this time she was a little less careful covering up, leaving her legs exposed. I suggested a foot massage, and things progressed form there. We had sex in my room, and what amazing sex it was! We were both a little stunned at the speed with which things developed, but I assured her I wasn't a fly-by-night guy, and we decided it wasn't a mistake, and to see how things went. So we are dating, living together, sharing meals, talking every night, and having the most amazing sex. This girl is exactly what I have been looking for, she is better in every single way then my ex. But ignoring comparisons, she is simply perfect for me. Her English is better, so just talking is easier, more involved, and more sharing. She doesn't have lots of little secrets like my ex, her phone has no passcode, if she's texting someone she will often mention who this person is, and how she knows them, not because I ask, or even really noticed, but simply to share her life and friends. She talks about me to her friends, asking their advice etc on the whole thing, and then tells me what they say. We are having a BBQ on Saturday with her friend, and dinner with her brother later next week. She is a wonderful, caring mum, her daughter is a terrific, happy little girl. She is super affectionate, hugs, kisses, holds hands, all the things I wished my ex did more often. She is caring, considerate, and thoughtful. I forgot my lunch, so she came over and gave it to me (I moved to a place about 5 minutes form work, so it's not like she crossed town, but still!). She is beautiful, taller than my ex (I'm 6'), and with an amazing body. We share chores, I'm not one of those "That's women's work" men, I clean up if she cooks, and I'll cook some meals on the weekend. I did a huge lot of the ironing while she cleaned the bathroom. She is going to Malaysia in a month, and invited me to come. We talk a lot about the fact that we hooked up so quick, she admits she's (of course) unsure about everything, and I admit the same, we both hope that the person we appear to be is in fact the person we really are. (Does that make sense?) I don't have any feelings for her yet. it is only a week, so that's to be expected. This morning I got the "I love you" from her. She certainly shows the signs of being in love, the long deep looks into my eyes, the stroking of the face, her fear that this is all too good to be true. IF this is all true, then I am the luckiest guy alive. Yet you know the saying, if it looks to good to be true... She hasn't had a boyfriend for about 12 months, but has coped very well bringing her little girl up alone. Yes, I am aware that part of the attraction to me is for support. I don't think a single mum out there doesn't have that aspect at least partially in mind when dating...it's bloody hard raising a child alone. But I really think there is a deeper attraction to me at work here, I don't believe her feelings are false...but maybe that's just my ego getting in the way. Hence this post. Am I just being naive? Is she just using me for support? (Even if she is...is that so bad...it's not like I don't love every second I spend with her) Or am I just the luckiest guy on the planet?
todreaminblue Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 whats more important to you to know about the doubt or the happiness you feel now.....deb
Author yxalitis Posted August 12, 2014 Author Posted August 12, 2014 I should mention I get along really well with the daughter, and treat her as I would my own child. (I'm a dad already of two older children). 1
michellew Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 This post has lust, rebound, and gold digger written all over it. She clearly seduced you on DAY TWO and you fell for it. You opened up about your ex on the first night and shared your vulnerable side which is how she got it. But like you said, is it so bad if she is using you for support? To each his own. If she makes you happy in return for your support, and helps you get over your ex, then who's to say that's not right for you and what you're going through? Only time will tell how this ends, but please proceed with caution OP. Afterall, there is a child involved. 1
isisisweeping Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Iwould hate to judge another relationship if both are happy, but it makes me nervous she let this happen - and so quick- with a daughter involved. Very nervous. 3
HappyLove Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Just a matter of time before crazy raises it's head in this mess. Grabs popcorn... 2
marcjb Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Sounds like she's trying to lock you in for longterm financial support vs a potential room to rent for a few months. What do you think her reaction would be if in a month you told her you had find a place closer to work but still wanted to make the relationship work? 1
dogeared Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 My friend's husband (before they knew each other) was a homeowner who rented out the spare bedrooms in his house to roommates. Well, one day this girl, I'll just call her Jane, responds to his ad for a room for rent. She was looking for a new place because her bf dumped her. "John" (friend's husband) thought Jane was super cool - so chill, really fun, etc. they also bonded over late night drinks. Well, it wasn't long (also a matter of days) before one thing led to another, they were sleeping together, taking her kids (her ex-husband had custody) out together, and everything seemed wonderful. Next thing John knows, Jane comes sobbing and crying to him about how she can't pay rent because she hasn't paid child support in 5 years and her paycheck was garnished. Long story short, Jane ends up living rent-free while John figures out how seriously crazy Jane was, that she was using him for support, etc. Not surprisingly, when he finally got Jane out of his house she did the exact same thing to the next guy she roomed with. Your chick sounds like a Jane, with the exception she lures men to her instead of going to them.
Author yxalitis Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 Sounds like she's trying to lock you in for longterm financial support vs a potential room to rent for a few months. What do you think her reaction would be if in a month you told her you had find a place closer to work but still wanted to make the relationship work? I'd basically have to live AT work to be closer....
Author yxalitis Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 Just a matter of time before crazy raises it's head in this mess. Grabs popcorn... I'd agree if there wasn't a child involved. But that calms things a lot, I don't think she'd be doing this with false pretences and therefore potentially put her child at risk.
SycamoreCircle Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Yeah, this sounds messed up. Firstly, a healthy relationship for you is one where the first thing out of your mouth describing it isn't "it's so much better than my ex". YOU ARE NOT READY. Secondly, that this MOTHER would start banging a roommate a week into him living there screams emotional imbalance. What on earth is she thinking? She doesn't know you. She's potentially subjecting her child to all sorts of repercussions! I think you're asking yourself the wrong questions. But, make no mistake, you're going to be asking yourself the right questions soon enough! There's a German word, Nestbeschmutzer. The literal translation is "to **** where one nests." 1
HappyLove Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 I'd agree if there wasn't a child involved. But that calms things a lot, I don't think she'd be doing this with false pretences and therefore potentially put her child at risk. Yea right! Any woman who brings a grown man and stranger into her house with a little girl living there is not even thinking about risk! 2
D.Mc. Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Hi, Yxalitis, You got to the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship in under a week? I can only think that you will get to the "divorce" phase just as quickly. That being said, enjoy the good feelings while it lasts. Try to remember that if you think it's probably "too good to be true", it is. That way if things go south, you have some emotional cushion. In the meantime, good sex & no fighting...great! 1
Author yxalitis Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 Hi, Yxalitis, You got to the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship in under a week? I can only think that you will get to the "divorce" phase just as quickly. That being said, enjoy the good feelings while it lasts. Try to remember that if you think it's probably "too good to be true", it is. That way if things go south, you have some emotional cushion. In the meantime, good sex & no fighting...great! Pretty much how I'm playing it... I'm not invested emotionally, I'm just enjoying the experience!
Mrin Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Ya man run with it. Lots of signs here that signify huge problems ahead. Those same signs also say you've met someone incredibly special. Only time will tell...
thysecret Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 (edited) I used to believe in "too good to be true", but then i realize some things can really be that good. What worries me is, why is she letting a male stranger to move into her house, especially when she had a young kid. It's weird.. I guess she might be desperate for any guy. Pros: she will love you so much, she will do everything for you. And partly whatever she does for you, it's what asian woman would had done. We are just brought up differently. Cons: She might turn into a super needy if you ever wanna get rid of her. She might be "crazy". Sometimes in life, you gotta take the risk. You never know if you never try. But do hold back a little, a week sounds a little TOO FAST. Slow down, get to know each other better. Some people fall in love fast, but also fall out of love fast. Get to know about her past first. Her feelings might not be false but her character might. Most people would put on their "best side" at the beginning. Maybe she's lonely, but that doesn't mean anything bad as well. Who knows, maybe she's will be your one true love. Just take a risk, but go slower Edited August 13, 2014 by thysecret
imfine Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 As a single mom trying to make ends meet, why am I busting my tail working when I could find a handsome stranger, under the pretence of being a roomate, to pay my bills? Can't believe I didn't think of this before! Wait, why don't I? Because I would never move a strange man under my roof putting my daughter's safety at risk. This is not normal OP. Even though it sounds like a fairy tale, I would be very cautious if I were you. 5
michellew Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Pretty much how I'm playing it... I'm not invested emotionally, I'm just enjoying the experience! I don't get this. You say you don't have feelings yet and aren't emotionally invested, yet you say she's so perfect, too good to be true, and already acting like a married couple. If you have no feelings by now, then this really is just lust for you and it's going to wear off sooner than you think. She will be left single, broke, and ANGRY when that happens. And her daughter will be left confused by yet another man that has come in and out of her life. Poor thing. 1
FitChick Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 Is she in the country legally? Do a background check on her. She may try to get access to your bank account info or something. Find out other places she's lived and for how long. Where is the kid's dad?
Author yxalitis Posted August 15, 2014 Author Posted August 15, 2014 Is she in the country legally? Do a background check on her. She may try to get access to your bank account info or something. Find out other places she's lived and for how long. Where is the kid's dad? No, all that is wrong. She's legit.
Author yxalitis Posted August 22, 2014 Author Posted August 22, 2014 (edited) OK, another week goes by. Sings of Crazy? Zero, nothing but affection, conversation, romance, sharing our past. We talk about the speed of things often. We both realise this is a very rapid development, we both admit we are concerned about it. But we both agree what we have now is amazing, natural, and real, and we are both extremely happy. I still have my room, she has hers, so whilst we are living in the same place, we still have our own space. So when she stays in my room, she is "staying over" I have met her best friends, proudly introduced as her boyfriend. I have had dinner at the brother's family. Her parents in Malaysia are both aware, and are looking forward to meeting me in a month. I have been included in Skype calls to them both. We talk openly about the situation. Afterward she tells me they voice their concern about the rapid development of the relationship, but as they have met me, are prepared to accept that I am the guy I appear to be, and not some fly-by-nighter here to take advantage of their friend/relation. She had birthday lunch with my daughters, and went out to buy her a surprise cake to have after. Spoke to them both at length. Sings of Gold Digger Zero. Before we got together, I told her of my short-term financial woes, paying half the mortgage, child support, having to abruptly fork over rent and bond to move out from the ex... The airline had a special, so she bought me the ticket to go with her and her daughter to Malaysia... Signs of prior impulsiveness: None Her daughter's reaction is typical of someone confronted by a new man in her Mum's life after a long break, and NOT typical of "Oh another one.." She acts up about her Mum staying in my room, as they normally share a room, we have talked to her, and she is slowly accepting it. Her friends' and families reactions all reflect that this is, indeed, a very unusual thing. Most have come around to, "I'm glad you've finally met the right man, good luck" Signs that this is all some sort of complex game/false pretences/fake emotions Zilch. The level and frequency of affection is perfect. I notice her just looking at me as I drive. She brings my lunch to work if I forget it She takes photos of me, her and me, her, me and her daughter, me and her friends/family. We talk about our past loves, failures, successes, and how amazing this relationship is. We stay up each night on the couch just talking, I haven't even turned the TV on in a fortnight... When I disciplined (verbally) her daughter one night because she was being unruly, she supported me, and I will continue to support her efforts to raise a child. So far, this really is looking like one of those amazing match ups that you read about... I'll post another update in a couple of weeks. Edited August 22, 2014 by yxalitis
Author yxalitis Posted November 25, 2014 Author Posted November 25, 2014 Four months on, and I can happily tell you all.. It's real We are in love, have a simply amazing relationship. I truly have found the perfect woman. Just thought I'd post this up here so some of the more jaded forum goers can see that sometimes you can get lucky. 1
preraph Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Is she in the country illegally and looking for a husband to make herself legal? Glad you're happy, but when I was 50, I had a 28 year old guy at a pizza place trying to warm me up and I engaged him in deeper convo after explaining how old I was and he was honest enough to reveal (though not admit) he would have to leave the country soon if he didn't get married.
todreaminblue Posted November 25, 2014 Posted November 25, 2014 Four months on, and I can happily tell you all.. It's real We are in love, have a simply amazing relationship. I truly have found the perfect woman. Just thought I'd post this up here so some of the more jaded forum goers can see that sometimes you can get lucky. Don't worry what other forum users post...if you are happy , stay happy dont let others influence you to search for doubt in your relationship.......i am glad to read of a happy relationship on this board that has far and few between happy threads.....there is a lot of sadness on this board and threads like this give hope.....good luck and best wishes.....for more happiness to come....deb
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