Nbd1964 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 This is my first post here, I joined to get some input and opinions on my situation. I met a girl at a party, we hit it off, had a nice conversation, and exchanged numbers. She started texting me a couple days later, we started dating that week, talking and texting every day, everything was great. We started having sex on the second date, and for a month or so afterwards. Then she started denying me sex, woman reasons, headache, tired, etc., then started avoiding seeing me at all. Ok, she lost interest, not into me, whatever. But she keeps contacting me, says "Do you still want to talk to me?". I ask what she wants, how she feels. She says she still has feelings for me and is attracted to me, but we had sex too soon, and she feels smothered. We see each other a couple more times, no sex, but some physical activities/contact. Never saw her a lot, maybe once a week since the start. Now she says she still doesn't know what she wants, still has feelings and attraction, but wants to have a completely platonic relationship, hang out, and if something develops, great. She said it could take a year, she doesn't usually move that fast. We're in our 4th month of seeing each other. My opinion is once you start a physical relationship, you can't back up from that. I don't want to hang out hoping something 'develops', while still wanting her physically. It would be too frustrating. I've never had this happen before, nor have I even heard of it happening to anyone. I finally, after much arguing, said if there's no physical relationship, then I'm out. You're either into someone after 4 months, or you're not. I would like some opinions, am I right? Link to post Share on other sites
molimo140 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Your opinion sounds entirely reasonable to me. Do you believe that you are more into her than she is into you? If that is the case, I would walk. There's no use in wasting your time if the person you're with isn't as in it as you are. Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 You were right to walk away. She is one of those women who use sex as a tool or weapon to manipulate you. Those are the not good prospects for LTRs (if that is what you are looking for). Obviously, she is not good short term material either. You have been more than patient enough. Let her go (even if she offers a physical relationship as you are leaving). By the way, it is highly probable she is banging another guy(s) on the side while she is shutting you out. She is no prude (sex with you on date 2). In fact, her statement that she felt 'smothered' by having sex with you during month #1 was code that she wanted (was with) other guys for this period. When she saw you as LTR (provider) material, she started the sex rationing manipulation while getting her physical needs met elsewhere. She doesn't care much for you but is interested to see how many hoops you will jump through to get another shot at her. The admission price will be unreasonable, one sided (your side) devotion to her. I think your instincts are right. Let her go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Yes, you are right. Walk away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 It'd be one thing if she was prudish about sex from the start, but she wasn't... she dove into a sexual relationship with you and then she backed off without any valid explanations. You're perfectly within your rights to tell her you're not satisfied with a platonic relationship. But it shouldn't be framed in a "We're over unless you have sex" tone, because the last thing you'd want is for her to force herself to have sex in an attempt to hang onto you. So maybe more like "You've made it pretty clear that you don't want sex with me, which is fine and I would never insist on that, but it's not the type of relationship I want." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I'm a woman and I think she is being unreasonable. She wants to keep you around until she finds someone better because attention from you feeds her ego. Trying to make a platonic relationship after intimacy is just screwy and she is a fruit loop. Move on and forget about this girl. Backsies isn't healthy and it isn't fair to you as a human being. What is the point of this for you? Nothing because she gets your attention when she needs it and can do whatever she wants when she doesn't. She isn't a nice girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 She sounds like one of the worst kinds of women you could ever meet! You've done the right thing for sure and you've kept your dignity! She is a selfish fruit loop who wanted to use you for companionship until someone 'better' comes along **** that! Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 She sounds like one of the worst kinds of women you could ever meet! You've done the right thing for sure and you've kept your dignity! She is a selfish fruit loop who wanted to use you for companionship until someone 'better' comes along **** that! i think shes better than girls who string you along and dont even kiss u. at least u got in her pants and she acknowledged that you had something! the worst thing is a girl denying she ever liked you in the first place and being strung along for nothing Link to post Share on other sites
SYLLPalmer Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I would simply place my focus elsewhere and see where it leads. Don't initiate but reciprocate as you please. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts