coralsmith Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 An old coursemate asks me on a date and I accept. However, on a night out I kiss a guy. I later find out it's my coursemates friend. The friend is very, very keen. Like hand holding,affectionate keen. It's nice, but disproportionate considering i'd just met him that night! I get annoyed with him as I'm trying to dance with friends. He takes the hint and goes away, but finds me later in the night and gets my number. When the coursemate tries to arrange a date, I tell him I don't feel comfortable, because I've kissed/swapped numbers with his friend. The next couple of months the friend and I exchange texts. I'm not massively into him at this point, but I start to like his quirkiness. He's also keen to chat, but never asks me out. When he eventually does, it's a month down the line and last minute - he suggests we meet up and go for a walk because it's a nice evening. I have to say no because I have other plans. He asks again a few weeks later - do I want to meet up for food than night? Again, I can't because I have other plans. We resume our chatting every so often. I bump into him on the street and we chat a bit - this time he actually suggests we go for a drive in the countryside when he finishes his uni exams. I'm actually very keen for this (I love going for countryside drives!), but he never follows up or mentions it again. A few weeks later, I finally decide to ask him. I suggest we do something after his final exam. He agrees and I say we'll figure out what we wanna do nearer the time. On the day of his exam, I sent him a snapchat, with a message asking how his exam went. It doesn't get delivered. Assuming there's something wrong with it, I send him a whatsapp message. It gets read, but he doesn't respond. Thats when I realise, to my bewilderment, - He's deleted me from snapchat and is ignoring me. Suffice to say, I never bother contacting him again. Then last weekend, I see him on a night out - this is a month and a half after he ignores me. I'm holding hands with another guy, and when I walk past him I just glance at him coldly. He looks at me like a little lost puppy - all forlorn. I'm baffled by this. If he ignored me and stopped everything, why's he looking all upset and sad? So my question is, what on earth happened with this guy?! I wasn't head over heels for him, but I was starting to enjoy our chats and wanted to get to know him better. I'm tempted to ask him outright. I'm new to dating so I'm going through a learning curve right now and guidance/insights would be much appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Well, you declined his invitations a couple times. You weren't all that into him and I'm sure he could tell. By the time you finally came around he'd had enough, I'm sure. If he had come here talking about the girl he met that he was asking out that kept telling him she couldn't go out and would text him sporadically, I would have told him to delete, block and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coralsmith Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 Well, you declined his invitations a couple times. You weren't all that into him and I'm sure he could tell. By the time you finally came around he'd had enough, I'm sure. If he had come here talking about the girl he met that he was asking out that kept telling him she couldn't go out and would text him sporadically, I would have told him to delete, block and move on. It wasn't that I didn't want to see him - I mentioned, I found him interesting and enjoyed chatting with him/wanted to get to know him better. Any time he did ask me out, it was very last minute. I wasn't sure if it was just because he was bored and had nothing better to do. I had to decline because of other plans, rather than because I didn't want to. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 It wasn't that I didn't want to see him - I mentioned, I found him interesting and enjoyed chatting with him/wanted to get to know him better. Any time he did ask me out, it was very last minute. I wasn't sure if it was just because he was bored and had nothing better to do. I had to decline because of other plans, rather than because I didn't want to. Hm. I think I would just ask him what happened. He might not respond, but at least then you'll know he's not interested any more. Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 It wasn't that I didn't want to see him - I mentioned, I found him interesting and enjoyed chatting with him/wanted to get to know him better. Any time he did ask me out, it was very last minute. I wasn't sure if it was just because he was bored and had nothing better to do. I had to decline because of other plans, rather than because I didn't want to. theres seriously something wrong with women like you. you are either just dumb and stupid or reli clever. hes asked u out twice. he declined twice. if u were interested you would have counteroffered. you arent even that into him otherwise you would have jumped at the chance to see him. you are an attention seeking girl who likes the ego boost. a girl who says i enjoy his chats and wanting to get to know him means ur keeping him on the backburner until something better comes. you were holding another boys hands in the club again. attention seeking girl pfft. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 It wasn't that I didn't want to see him - I mentioned, I found him interesting and enjoyed chatting with him/wanted to get to know him better. Any time he did ask me out, it was very last minute. I wasn't sure if it was just because he was bored and had nothing better to do. I had to decline because of other plans, rather than because I didn't want to. I get what you're saying but the vibe you put off was that of uninterest and like I said, if he were my friend and told me the story from his POV, I would have said "forget her". For future reference, if you're interested, let them know. Show more interest and be present. Don't go days without speaking and set a date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coralsmith Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 theres seriously something wrong with women like you. you are either just dumb and stupid or reli clever. hes asked u out twice. he declined twice. if u were interested you would have counteroffered. you arent even that into him otherwise you would have jumped at the chance to see him. you are an attention seeking girl who likes the ego boost. a girl who says i enjoy his chats and wanting to get to know him means ur keeping him on the backburner until something better comes. you were holding another boys hands in the club again. attention seeking girl pfft. What?! Did you not read what I wrote? I declined twice because it was so last minute - I couldn't go without letting someone else down, which I'm not prepared to do. I DID counter offer! This is nothing to do with me "attention seeking". And I did like him, I just wasn't head over heels over someone I barely knew! Sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder, please don't take it out on me Link to post Share on other sites
Author coralsmith Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 theres seriously something wrong with women like you. you are either just dumb and stupid or reli clever. hes asked u out twice. he declined twice. if u were interested you would have counteroffered. you arent even that into him otherwise you would have jumped at the chance to see him. you are an attention seeking girl who likes the ego boost. a girl who says i enjoy his chats and wanting to get to know him means ur keeping him on the backburner until something better comes. you were holding another boys hands in the club again. attention seeking girl pfft. Single Female holds hand of Single Male in social setting!?!? - someone alert the village elders! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author coralsmith Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 For the record spoke to him again, this time online. I asked him if he'd had a good night on Friday. He rebuked me for not saying Hi. I said it would be awkward for me to say hi, after he ignored me. He then started jumping around this "ignore you? when?" I explained I'd text him the day after his exam but never got a response. I now he's seen the message but he hasn't responded. And just because I didn't pursue him recklessly doesn't mean I didn't express interest - I was very enthusiastic about going for a drive and I was very apologetic when I had to turn him down and explained the reasons why. I don't think it's fair for everyone to blame him being immature, on me being disinterested. Don't always blame the girl. Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 What?! Did you not read what I wrote? I declined twice because it was so last minute - I couldn't go without letting someone else down, which I'm not prepared to do. I DID counter offer! This is nothing to do with me "attention seeking". And I did like him, I just wasn't head over heels over someone I barely knew! Sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder, please don't take it out on me[/QUO actions speak louder than words. stop playing games and flirting with others if you like him. girls like you make dating for guys like us so difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coralsmith Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 actions speak louder than words. stop playing games and flirting with others if you like him. girls like you make dating for guys like us so difficult. I didn't play games or flirt with others. When I was holding another person's hand, it was long after he'd ignored me. I hadn't spoken to him in over a month. He wrote back explaining why he suddenly ignored me - he said he wasn't sure and got bored. So I can only deduce that, after a few halfhearted attempts at actually getting me to go on a date with him, he finally decided he wasn't that interested when I put him on the spot and asked him out. Sounds like he was the one playing games if he was texting/chatting with me for that length of time, only to loose interest when I make a move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coralsmith Posted August 12, 2014 Author Share Posted August 12, 2014 I asked him outright in the end. He said he didn't really know/he got bored. So it seems like he made a few half hearted attempts at asking me out and when I actually put him on the spot, he faltered. I just said "oh, ok" and didn't speak again. He has now removed me on Facebook (no idea why, I didn't contact him again and never interact with him). I get the feeling more went on that he is letting on, but I can't be bothered with people who play mind games anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 When he asked you those two times and you turned him down, you should have counter offered then and there. He had to ask you three times to hang out before you finally extended hanging out when you didn't hear from him for a few weeks. I think it somehow just fizzled out with the weeks in between after every offer to hang out and he lost interest or felt that it was too much effort to just get a date going. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 theres seriously something wrong with women like you. you are either just dumb and stupid or reli clever. hes asked u out twice. he declined twice. if u were interested you would have counteroffered. you arent even that into him otherwise you would have jumped at the chance to see him. you are an attention seeking girl who likes the ego boost. a girl who says i enjoy his chats and wanting to get to know him means ur keeping him on the backburner until something better comes. you were holding another boys hands in the club again. attention seeking girl pfft. you are quite mistaken i feel........ i was going to write something else but i would be skirting a warning......so ill play nice not all women who tell a guy want to know you better and i enjoy your chats are being dishonest or playing games ......nor is there anything "wrong" with me or other women who say things like this ....some women believe it or not have lives and get busy some times ...life has a way of getting women busy ....just like men.....dont presume to know someone you have never met as in the case of this woman ......or any other woman....say what you know for sure and dont ridicule a woman because she asks for advice call her an attention seeker people who write on these boards are seekign attention they are asking for advice so yeah .....thats why we help......... opening poster .....my advice is if you are single and still interested in this man ring him talk to him and arrange a time to meet so you can be honest with how you feel tell him that you were being honest before and that you reacted the way you did because you didnt understand why he had deleted you, i would guess it had something to do with the other friend you were talking to, who is his mate....thats a sort of mine field to walk into and walk around in...i wish you the best.....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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