Having Trust issues. :(

[Orije]

So I'm 19 and my girlfriend is 18. We have been in a relationship for a month now. The problem is that she used to use dating apps like Tinder and I didn't find a problem with it because she told me she used to use it, but not anymore. Today I got a facebook message from a guy stating that he was talking to my girlfriend on Tinder and they talked about meeting up and was talking sexual and he had to tell me because she told him that she has a boyfriend and he felt he needed to contact me.

 

Knowing myself i immediately called her to confirm this. She went on to tell me that she was talking to him, but just to have normal talk and he was being an ass. She said she told him that she had a sweet boyfriend and she wouldn't cheat. I told her to be 100% honest about it and she said she was honest.

 

She then began to tell me that she used the app because guys at high school called her ugly and fat, but on Tinder they treated her well and now that she has me, I'm filling in that void and keeping her happy. I feel like i should believe her, but at the same time i don't want to be an ******* of a boyfriend and go through her phone to confirm any cheating. she said she is faithful and she wouldn't cheat, but i dont know if to believe this since it strikes my trust issues. What can i do to make things better?

 

Any advice guys it would help alot

[kolleamm]

Wow, so she's there on online dating for the compliments? Need I say more guys not believing me that online dating doesn't work for most?

 

Anyways, I would check her phone if I were you. Also ask her to delete the app, how dare she even be on there while she's in a relationship. She's not only doing harm to you but to other decent guys on there as well and crushing their hopes.

 

That's pretty harsh.

[Orije]

I'm going to see her today at a friends party. Is it a good idea to tell her to log onto Tinder and to let me see her messages so I can put my mind at ease? If she denies then I know she is hiding something and I will end the relationship with her. I just want her trust and to see if she is actually worth my trust

[nousername21]

That actually sounds like a really good idea.

[Orije]

Should I ask just to see Tinder or go through her whole phone like texts, facebook, snapchat? Cause she might be hiding things there. If so what should I say so I can see her phone?

[nousername21]

I wouldn't ask to see all that cause then she may feel like she has no privacy. I'd just stick with Tinder. If she's hiding anything, it'll definitely be there. If it's not there, there's most likely nothing. I would just say "I really hope this doesn't sound weird but ever since that guy messaged you, you've been feeling weird. It's really not that I don't trust you but given what's happened could you just show me your tinder inbox to put my mind at ease? I'm sorry if it feels like I'm invading your privacy but I have a hard time trusting people and I'm trying to not think too much in it so I'd really appreciate this. I don't need to read every single message and this isn't gonna be a big deal after this. I just don't want to sit around and dwell on this and this would completely set my mind at ease".

[GemmaUK]

I think you had best get a detective on the case following her and making video recordings and logs of everything she does,

This is what we all had to do back in the day before technology as we had absolute nightmares because people used to speak to people in real life and interact with them.

Most folk couldn't afford the detective fees though so relationships just stopped happening. The population plummeted as those who could not afford detective fees were no longer having babies. This is when the test tube baby was invented as most babies born in the 1900's are just test tube.and were given out to couples who were not real as the government just matched people from the census and made them marry or their heads would be chopped off.

 

It's only now since the invention of mobile phones and the internet that us commoners have any way to track people at all times so relationships are now happening again and babies being born naturally again.

 

*cough*

 

She has explained to you why she is on there still.

You've only been together for a month.

Websites and apps can become just habitual and addictive.

You are dating her yet appear not to have any respect for her as you only seem to respect what the stranger who contacted you said.

 

Why don't you just see how things go with this girl rather than demand proof right now?

Give her a little trust and respect and you will probably find she gives you the same in return.

Edited July 12, 2014 by GemmaUK

[Gaeta]

So who's that guy that messaged you? is he a friend of yours? an acquaintance? or a complete stranger?

 

Why did he care at all to tell you this? Because guys stick together? Nah!

 

I think she rejected this guy and he got even with her by telling you a sh.1t story.

 

You could ask him to give you a screen shot of their conversation. I bet you he's got nothing.

[Wisecrack]

Don't do ANY of the above about seeing looking at her Tinder etc. Don't become a clingy insecure boyfriend. You've confronted her about this. She has given her excuse and most girls will convince themselves into believing any excuse is reality. Now you set the ultimatum - delete Tinder, no contact with guys of that kind of nature. Set your relationship boundaries.

 

The thing about what you have to do now is show her that, if she screws up, you move on and you don't care. She has to feel that it is a privilege that she is with you. Keep an eye on if the dynamics of you and her change. If she becomes distant. It is time to pre-empt and break up with her as she is most likely already planned on ditching you.

[travelbug1996]

Give it time. Dont start being possessive. If you don't trust her break up. If you don't want to break up give her some time because if she's a dishonest person, she won't be able to hide it for long.

 

Focus on your life not hers.

[d0nnivain]

You don't have trust issues. Trust issues are when you can't trust somebody who objectively deserves your trust. You have a proper sense of boundaries & acceptable behavior.

 

Her previously be on Tinder is one thing. There's nothing you can do about how someone behaved before they met you.

 

Her being on Tinder now, lying to you about it & thinking that you can just be platonic friends with a guy you "met" on a notorious hook up site, are really good reasons to cut her loose because she can't be trusted.

[Orije]

I can't see messages from either party because once one person blocks another on Tinder, both parties cannot see messages so I only know what they say to be the truth. When I see her today I'm going to give her an easy solution to make things work out. I want her to delete these dating apps she has because if I'm not out talking to other girls when im bored then she shouldn't be doing the same. If she wants to talk to a guy she can contact me or just go single. I want to make things work for her. If I don't see a change and notice she is still trying to screw me over in the next month before she goes to college, I will end things and I'm going to make this clear for her.

[Jay77098]

enigma32 has this exactly right. Dump her now. You don't trust her because she isn't trustworthy. She lied to you. SHE. LIED. TO. YOU. She told you she wasn't on Tinder but she was. What else will she tell you that isn't true?

 

And if that isn't enough to make you run (and it should be), consider this angle. You are allegedly her boyfriend, but she's still trolling around on Tinder? How disrespectful toward you. How inconsiderate of your feelings. How straight-up rude.

 

Dump her, move on, and find a better woman. It's hard, I know. But do it.