Daisydance Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I met this really nice guy on new years eve so we have been dating nearly 6 months. At first I was nervous because he seemed very ambitious about his career and had mentioned that he may need to move away to pursue this. He has told me about a difficult break up with an ex. I was also concerned that this happened a couple of years ago yet it clearly still bothers him. I went on holiday in may and missed him terribly, I found myself feeling very proud whenever I mentioned him. When I got back he picked me up from the train station and took me out for food and I was so happy to see him. The next morning he put an offer in to buy a house and it was accepted and I was so happy that he wouldn't be moving away anytime soon. So that night I couldnt contain it any longer and told him that I loved him. He responded saying he will tell me when he's ready and that every time he has said it in the past he has been let down so doesn't feel comfortable saying it anymore. He said his family are not like that either and none of them tell each other they love each other. I was quite hurt by this response but tried to not show it. It's been 3 weeks since that weekend and it's still bothering me. We had a difficult time agreeing what we were going to do together Friday night, he just seemed to want to say no to everything I suggested. He left quite early on Saturday. So Sunday I woke up really early and the weather was great so I suggested the beach. It took him 4 hours to respond and he said he didnt feel like it. I was so annoyed that I told him it wasn't working and I didn't know what was going on but I felt like I was being strung along and that he had hurt me after I said I loved him. Anyway now it feels like its over and that's not what I wanted. He said if thats what you want, it doesnt seem to be working out anyway. Then he deleted me on fb! I was just in a bad mood and feeling insecure about things. I don't know how to work this out. We are both quite stubborn. I don't read into it too much but he is a Scorpio man and I am a Taurus woman, I was just reading a few things and they have rung true. I am gutted as other than this weekend he has been one of the most reliable, caring and kindest men I've ever been with Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Uh oh! I am not really one for star signs but I do know something about Scorpios! He unfriended you on FB. Something you said publicly humiliated him. This sounds like daft OTT FB stuff (I am aware of that) but to him..it's personal. Before that he was thinking about how he felt and needing time for that. Scorps do not rush in and they weigh up everything. What did you post on FB? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I am sorry Daisy, the only way to handle this is to withdraw yourself gracefully. You cannot convince or talk a man into loving you back. I know you don't want to lose him but you have no control over what he feels, or not feel. Six months is plenty for him to know if he has fallen for a woman or not. He hasn't. His excuse of having been hurt in the past is just that, an excuse. We all have been hurt in the past, I am sure including you, and people move on and love again. He is just not in love with you and he realized that when you told him you loved him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 It sounds like things were going very well for six months. So well you told him you loved him. He replied he wasn't ready to say it back yet. You were upset. Things were a bit awkward for three weeks. You got frustrated and broke up with him ('this isn't working'). He accepted that and went no contact. I think you might have put too much importance on hearing the words. If this guy was showing you through actions he deeply cared about you, it might have been better to give him a bit more time to say it. Some people can say ILY almost reflexively. Others hold off on saying it until just before a proposal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Enjaycee Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 As a man who once had a rebound relationship, I can tell from what you said that this man obviously is not over the past relationship fully. He may have been nice and great to you over the first 6 months, but the past is still in his head. If he was with his ex for a long time, then yeah maybe I can see that he's still not over it. It's up to you to figure out if you want to wait for this man to figure things out and be ready for a serious relationship with you. If not, then I would stay broken up. I know that option is not easy, but whatever you decide, you need to stick with it. It took me two years to fully get over my ex of 18 months. I found that I still thought of her even when I was dating other beautiful women. The rebound I had found after just two months, and we entered a relationship after a few weeks, then broke up a month later. Bless her heart, she was the right person, but at the wrong time for me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 The problem is you were right when you said it wasn't working. You just don't want to be right. He told you before you said I love you that he wanted something fairly casual. You were not part of his long term decision making process. You mis-read his decision to buy as a house as decision based on putting down roots to remain near you when in fact it probably had nothing to do with you. You took a risk to bring this relationship to a level where you wanted it to be. Good for you. Unfortunately, he didn't want to be on that level & you felt rejected. You then got mad which is also understandable. If you aren't getting your needs met, why do you want to stay in the relationship. Being proud to call him your BF is not a good enough reason, btw. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 If he was showing interest in you through his actions and treating you well then maybe you need to swallow your pride and admit to him you screwed up and didn't mean what you said. Or keep your mouth shut and lose him forever. Seems he's not very emotionally available which is a whole other story but sounds like you feel bad because you said ILY and he didn't so you went and made a big stink over not going to the beach. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daisydance Posted June 25, 2014 Author Share Posted June 25, 2014 Well I do feel bad for throwing a strop but I think it is difficult at this stage of a relationship when you do want to know where it's going. He has contacted me twice since just to say he is sorry and that he doesn't want any hard feelings. I feel the best thing to do is to take a step back as it would be too hurtful if I asked to try and sort it out and he rejected me. He apologised for not being as open emotion wise as I am and said that's just the way he is. Unfortunately I think ultimately I need the reassurance of the words and not just the actions or a hint. Im sure he understands what I want so I just have to wait and see if anything changes. I don't understand the fb thing as this was not communicated through fb and both of us are private when it comes to fb. He must of just been hurt when he did that. Thanks for all your help Link to post Share on other sites
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