Lona.loba Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Hello My bf and I have been together for 2 years (long distance ) now we are actualy together I'm in his country (studying in unevirsitu there) and I sometimes love with him. My country the one I'm from is really conservative and people there are closed minded( that's why I never wanna go back there I don't feel that I belong in such community ) my bfs country the one I'm currently in is European it's open minded not conservative and doesn't view sex before marriage as something wrong like my country. Simce we were long distance dating, my bf age 21 now sometimes texted me that he wants to have sex with me and he can't wait for it. I'm 18 now and I'm ready for it but I'm not sure if I should because of my country. He told me that he is going to marry me , he is the one that brought up marriage not me , and I became extremely happy when he told me that he wants to marry me and that our wedding would be amazing. I extremely love him to death and he does too but he doesn't seem to want to wait , he wants sex . In my country if people know that I had sex before marriage they might kill me seriously ! He is going to marry me after I finish UNi So what do u think should I have se with him r what should I tell him? He totally understands my countries views but he's like " baby no one would know, I can't wait to get in u " Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I was a little skeptical after reading the conflicting information in your previous threads (is this 'you' or 'your friend' now?), but I'll bite. If you are from where I think you are, don't do anything rash until you have obtained Residence. Otherwise, if things fall apart and you are forced to go back, you're going to be in pretty bad shape. Not to mention that due to your upbringing, you are likely to have led a protected life, and so you will fall easily to persuasion and promises. Take your time instead to learn and grow as an independent woman first. BTW, " baby no one would know, I can't wait to get in u " <-- This does not turn you off at all??? My privates just grew icicles when I read that... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 Pleas ignore all my previous threads thanks Don't ask why this thread is about a whole different thing Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Pleas ignore all my previous threads thanks Don't ask why this thread is about a whole different thing And I have given you my response to this thread... Link to post Share on other sites
xxmusical Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Pleas ignore all my previous threads thanks Don't ask why this thread is about a whole different thing Umm...so assuming this guy isn't the one in the thread where you were asking if you were catfished? First off, have you ever met this guy in real life out of the 2 years you've been dating? Personally, I feel that at 21 years old (and you being 18), marriage is much too early of a thing to be discussing. He could romanticize your marvelous future together all he wants, but it's much too early for that and could end up being just all talks. Some people are really just smooth talkers, making you feel like you're the most fortunate woman alive, but no actual action taken. What if he took your virginity and you two end up breaking up? Are you OK with this "European" mindset, something that you didn't grow up with? I don't think you're ready for sex yet, especially when you're not clear with your own boundaries, so definitely don't let him pressure you into doing it. BTW, " baby no one would know, I can't wait to get in u " <-- This does not turn you off at all??? My privates just grew icicles when I read that... XD I'd be totally turned off by this...! Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Don't rush it, if he really loves you he will wait Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 A reply to all replays : Hello thanks all No I haven't met him in the two years we online dated but now I'm with him and met him and stuff . There is a part f me that wants to do it but still there I another part in me which is hesitant about it. I never really wanna go back to my own country cuz I don't feel I belong there, since my views and the way I dress and etc are not considered consirvatve, and I'm more of an open minded person about everything. He promised me that he Willard me and we even talked about how it would be and stuff . He said he will marry me after I finish UNi but if we don't get married ill find my way of immigration to stay there cuz I really don't wanna go back to my country . I still don't know what should I do though Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 A reply to all replays : Hello thanks all No I haven't met him in the two years we online dated but now I'm with him and met him and stuff . There is a part f me that wants to do it but still there I another part in me which is hesitant about it. I never really wanna go back to my own country cuz I don't feel I belong there, since my views and the way I dress and etc are not considered consirvatve, and I'm more of an open minded person about everything. He promised me that he Willard me and we even talked about how it would be and stuff . He said he will marry me after I finish UNi but if we don't get married ill find my way of immigration to stay there cuz I really don't wanna go back to my country . I still don't know what should I do though Emigrants rarely want to go back to their countries; but yet many are forced to if their applications for permanent residency fail. It is not that easy to get, unfortunately. If you had sex with him and he left you instead of marrying you, would you be OK with that? That's really the answer to your question. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Sex can wait. You and your boyfriend have a life time to have sex. What's the rush? So if your boyfriend loves you so much why is he ready to risk your life by having sex with you when your immigration situation is not settled? How long is Uni? 3 or 4 years? Anything can happen in that much time. You can be forced to go back to your country, your relationship can go bad and he may break up with you, you could get sick and have no choice but to go back to your country. Do you want to take any chances? You may have had a 2 year online romance with this man but you still don't know him. He can turn on you anytime. If he loves you as much as he says he can marry you in 6 months and settle your immigration for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 Emigrants rarely want to go back to their countries; but yet many are forced to if their applications for permanent residency fail. It is not that easy to get, unfortunately. If you had sex with him and he left you instead of marrying you, would you be OK with that? That's really the answer to your question. I'd be more devistated that he left me than that of the sex. I'm ok with sex as long as I don't get pregnant, get any disease , and as long as no one in my country knows about it. But we rarely fight and things rarely get bad between us. He's my dream guy, he has everything I ever wanted in a guy personality, love, care, good looks , athlete . And he say I'm his goddess, and he's not interested in girls of his country, he told me he never dated any of them he just dated foreigners , and he's still a virgin too. Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Make sure he is putting your considerations first, as opposed to his sexual needs. Love and sex is putting the other first. If a GF told me she could get into trouble for sex, I wouldn't do anything that could put her in harms way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 We nth don't want an early marriage since I'm busy with UNi , and marriage has a whole bother problem that we think we worked out a solution for Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 I'd be more devistated that he left me than that of the sex. I'm ok with sex as long as I don't get pregnant, get any disease , and as long as no one in my country knows about it. But we rarely fight and things rarely get bad between us. He's my dream guy, he has everything I ever wanted in a guy personality, love, care, good looks , athlete . And he say I'm his goddess, and he's not interested in girls of his country, he told me he never dated any of them he just dated foreigners , and he's still a virgin too. Okay, fair enough... We nth don't want an early marriage since I'm busy with UNi , and marriage has a whole bother problem that we think we worked out a solution for If you are currently in NZ as you mentioned in your other thread, marriage won't solve your problem anyway. Spouses are not guaranteed residence and you still have to live together for a year before you apply, same as everyone else. On the same note, you don't need to be married to apply. So if he wanted, you two could live together for a year, you apply with his sponsorship, then have sex after your immigration is settled. I agree with Gaeta that if he did love you, he wouldn't be trying to persuade you to do something that could cost you your life if you are forced to return. Is this the first boy you've dated? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 Okay, fair enough... If you are currently in NZ as you mentioned in your other thread, marriage won't solve your problem anyway. Spouses are not guaranteed residence and you still have to live together for a year before you apply, same as everyone else. On the same note, you don't need to be married to apply. So if he wanted, you two could live together for a year, you apply with his sponsorship, then have sex after your immigration is settled. I agree with Gaeta that if he did love you, he wouldn't be trying to persuade you to do something that could cost you your life if you are forced to return. Is this the first boy you've dated? Yeah fair enough. No he's not the first guy I dated, I never date guys from my country , I've dated a British guy and an American, ( they were in my country it was real not online) But they turned out to be jerks. My current bf is nothing like any of my ex bfs. I currently do love with him in the same house on my free days not everyday, and we sleep on the same bed all cuddled up, but no sex happened tell now . .... I know about those immigration things and I told h , he told me that it's not guaranteed to be excepted if I apply for it now but it would be guaranteed mostly when we are engage or married . And I really never wanna leave him or go back to my country or any stupid closed minded Arab country. I'm not sure still about sex , cuz I want to and don't want to have it at the same time. He said he wants me to be his first and last Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 Hormones make most people want sex so badly Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Yeah fair enough. No he's not the first guy I dated, I never date guys from my country , I've dated a British guy and an American, ( they were in my country it was real not online) But they turned out to be jerks. My current bf is nothing like any of my ex bfs. I currently do love with him in the same house on my free days not everyday, and we sleep on the same bed all cuddled up, but no sex happened tell now . .... Okay, it's good that you have some experience. I know about those immigration things and I told h , he told me that it's not guaranteed to be excepted if I apply for it now but it would be guaranteed mostly when we are engage or married .From personal experience, I can assure you that this is not true. Talk to a licensed immigration advisor, they will tell you the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Yeah fair enough. it would be guaranteed mostly when we are engage or married . And I really never wanna leave him or go back to my country or any stupid closed minded Arab country. I'm not sure still about sex , cuz I want to and don't want to have it at the same time. He said he wants me to be his first and last Not true, I know couples who got married and still had to wait a couple of years to enter the country legally. Your boyfriend is thinking with his d.1ck and not his head. I would not trust a 21 y/o when it comes to getting accurate information on immigrations law. Yeah sure now he says he wants you to be his first and his last. After he'll get sex with you then his story will go : I am not sure I am ready for a serious relationship. You are 18 years old, what will happen if you get pregnant? Does his family know about you? Have you met them? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 18 is a very young age to start having sex even in an open minded sexualized Western culture. If you have grown up in a conservative country, emotionally you are probably even younger. Don't rush everything. You can't get it back. From the woman's perspective sex is an invasive process that can really mess with your head. Stick to your plan. Date your BF. Plan for the future. Graduate from university & then have sex. At that point, whether you do it before or after your actual wedding date is up to you but at this point, even after 2 years of "dating" without having met (A concept I find absurd & unrealistic) do not immediately jump into a sexual relationship with him. On a more practical side, if you do decide to have sex, make sure you educate yourself about birth control & ways to prevent disease. Also have a back up plan of what you will do if this relationship doesn't work out. I'm guessing a non virgin won't be able to go home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 Ok so I decided not to have sex with him, I haven't seen him today I wanna tell him tht I won't have sex before marriage and see his reaction and response. This will show me if he really loves me. I don't really know if having sex will bring us closer together or move us apart so I won't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 He did see me half naked a few times while i was changing my clothes though but nothing happened between us Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Hello My bf and I have been together for 2 years (long distance ) now we are actualy together I'm in his country (studying in unevirsitu there) and I sometimes love with him. My country the one I'm from is really conservative and people there are closed minded( that's why I never wanna go back there I don't feel that I belong in such community ) my bfs country the one I'm currently in is European it's open minded not conservative and doesn't view sex before marriage as something wrong like my country. Simce we were long distance dating, my bf age 21 now sometimes texted me that he wants to have sex with me and he can't wait for it. I'm 18 now and I'm ready for it but I'm not sure if I should because of my country. He told me that he is going to marry me , he is the one that brought up marriage not me , and I became extremely happy when he told me that he wants to marry me and that our wedding would be amazing. I extremely love him to death and he does too but he doesn't seem to want to wait , he wants sex . In my country if people know that I had sex before marriage they might kill me seriously ! He is going to marry me after I finish UNi So what do u think should I have se with him r what should I tell him? He totally understands my countries views but he's like " baby no one would know, I can't wait to get in u " I can't help thinking.. what if you guys have sex, and he doesn't marry you? You then have to go back to your country, and face the consequences brought by your cultural values. He can marry you now, or he can wait. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted June 18, 2014 Author Share Posted June 18, 2014 I can't help thinking.. what if you guys have sex, and he doesn't marry you? You then have to go back to your country, and face the consequences brought by your cultural values. He can marry you now, or he can wait. I decided not to have sex, I will see his response of that tomorrow. He waited for me two years to come to his country he can wait longer for sex 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 18, 2014 Share Posted June 18, 2014 Ok so I decided not to have sex with him, I haven't seen him today I wanna tell him tht I won't have sex before marriage and see his reaction and response. This will show me if he really loves me. I don't really know if having sex will bring us closer together or move us apart so I won't do it. The last sentence shows maturity & insight. The idea of telling him you won't have sex until marriage so you can guage hsi reaction in an effort to determine if he really loves you is a TEST. Testing your partner in this way is deceiptful & immature. Talk to him. Don't test him. He's not a animal you train to jump through hoops. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lona.loba Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 I told him that I won't do it, he said: " ok sweetheart, but u know that I really really want to." I changed the subject after he said that cuz I didn't know what to say We were watching random tv when u told him Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 I told him that I won't do it, he said: " ok sweetheart, but u know that I really really want to." I changed the subject after he said that cuz I didn't know what to say We were watching random tv when u told him I don't like your boyfriend's attitude. It seems to be all about him and what he wants. He wants sex without weighing the consequences for you. Now that you tell him you won't go ahead with it he again makes it about him by saying 'you know he really really wants to'. It's wise of you to wait. You don't know this man. From what I have read so far he sounds selfish and in it for himself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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