HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Following on from my previous post about the guy I met OLD and how we spoke for several weeks before meeting and built up a bit of a relationship. I tried to do things differently this time by getting to know the person a bit before meeting as I think chemistry can take over otherwise and then it turns out you arent compatible! I opened up a lot to him which usually I wouldnt but again I wanted to do things the right way and not game play or anything. I told him all this too. We have seen a lot of pictures of each other and wow did we get on we are so alike its uneblievable he seemed so perfect... until we met and he was far bigger than his pictures he is very overweight and its hard to see a resemblence in his pics. I feel totally mislead it doesnt take a lot to work out you are not that person in the pics anymore, he let me open up to him and he never once said this when he could clearly see I was being as open and honest as possible to give this the best start. I have slept on it over the weekend and I now just feel very angry and disappointed. Why do this to people its misleading and I dont know how people can have the audacity to turn up knowing they look nothing like their photos anymore, why do it? Im not shallow but it is important to find the person you are with attractive and I really feel like Ive been lead right up the garden path with him. I guess I just feel angry about it he cant have not known that he doesnt look like that anymore x I just want honesty! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Maybe he thought that if you fell in love over the internet you would be able to look past his huge beer gut - who knows? This is why you should meet up sooner rather than later. You waste less time on people who you are not compatible with, mentally or physically. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 Yep and usually I just meet and take it from there but more often than not we end up fancying each other and infatuation takes over then a couple of months down the line u realise u dont really have a lot in common which is why this time I wanted to do it differently and have a proper basis which would have been great had he not have looked a completely different person than in the pictures. I could hardly even look at him and just feel gutted when he knew how honest and open I was being to not even mention it x Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Yep and usually I just meet and take it from there but more often than not we end up fancying each other and infatuation takes over then a couple of months down the line u realise u dont really have a lot in common which is why this time I wanted to do it differently and have a proper basis which would have been great had he not have looked a completely different person than in the pictures. I could hardly even look at him and just feel gutted when he knew how honest and open I was being to not even mention it x Why didn't you made a ''video conference'' before meeting with this guy? Or Skype etc? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 Why didn't you made a ''video conference'' before meeting with this guy? Or Skype etc? I dont know really I probably should have done but after the honest and open way we started I felt he was being totally honest with me x I know people dont look the same as in pics thats quite normal but there isnt usually a huge variation but this was like two different people x Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I dont know really I probably should have done but after the honest and open way we started I felt he was being totally honest with me x I know people dont look the same as in pics thats quite normal but there isnt usually a huge variation but this was like two different people x Trust no one because expectations usually lead to disappointments..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Always meet sooner rather than later. In person chemistry far outweighs ANY chemistry you think you have behind technology (text/phone/computer) Building a relationship without meeting in person is BS. For this reason, I tend to frown upon those in LDR's who have never met. It's a farce IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 Yea I get that but looks can be deceiving and someone you meet who u really fancy and have a good laugh with is not necessarily someone that shares the same views on things and you cant get too deep on a date! I just wanted to see we had similar morals etc I just was not expecting him to look 20 years older than his pictures and nothing like the guy I thought I was talking too... ironically he said I look much better in real life... not to bad if it goes that way but it was completely the opposite for me! x Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Yea I get that but looks can be deceiving and someone you meet who u really fancy and have a good laugh with is not necessarily someone that shares the same views on things and you cant get too deep on a date! I just wanted to see we had similar morals etc I just was not expecting him to look 20 years older than his pictures and nothing like the guy I thought I was talking too... ironically he said I look much better in real life... not to bad if it goes that way but it was completely the opposite for me! x I think you're approaching this all wrong. Who says you have to figure out ALL of their views on the first date? The sole purpose of dating is to get to know the person. You wouldn't be in this position had you met in person early on and gotten to know eachother over several dates. Hell, you would have known early on whether or not he was someone you didn't find yourself particularly attracted to and could have spent time looking elsewhere. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 I think you're approaching this all wrong. Who says you have to figure out ALL of their views on the first date? The sole purpose of dating is to get to know the person. You wouldn't be in this position had you met in person early on and gotten to know eachother over several dates. Hell, you would have known early on whether or not he was someone you didn't find yourself particularly attracted to and could have spent time looking elsewhere. No you are right but I can tell you exactly the position I would have been in... i always have met first and it has always been that we fancy each other and get carried away on looks only then by the time u find out he's a (enter your response here) its too late and you are involved. Ive always done it that way thats why this time i wanted it to be different. As long as he looked like someone i could fancy then Im happy to get to know him and his personality a bit and meet up but he didnt look anything like that x Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 and now Ive got to know this lovely person that seems a perfect fit for me, I believe this could go somewhere as Ive not based it all on looks Ive wanted to get to know him a bit first too and then Im confronted with something completely different. To be fair I do feel lke Ive been CatFished x Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Reality didn't match your fantasy, it rarely does. Next time meet the person soon rather than build up a picture in your head of someone that doesn't actually exist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 It wasnt a fantasy the picture in my head was based on the facts he gave me including physical pictures, I even checked it all out to make sure it was the same person but what he failed to mention was that he no longer looks anything like that x Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Until you meet the person, it is a fantasy. As you have found out for yourself. The person you were opening up to etc doesn't exist. You built this picture in your head that wasn't based on reality. Next time meet him soon to prevent false intimacy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 and what about that lovely, complimentary, gorgeous bloke you have just had a date with.. u know the one that has no bagguage said all the right things, acted in the right ways and 5 months down the line turns out he's a player... Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 and what about that lovely, complimentary, gorgeous bloke you have just had a date with.. u know the one that has no bagguage said all the right things, acted in the right ways and 5 months down the line turns out he's a player... I don't have those dates.... guess because I don't believe in fairy tales. Link to post Share on other sites
mbee Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I believe you may have read my post about the guy I was seeing. We emailed for 2 months, mainly because I was not living in the country at the time. After a few weeks of heavy emails, I mean 3000 word emails, I had to know more. We then, video skyped. It's not the same as in person, but does help establish how the person looks. For instance, he did look like his pictures but his hair was longer and shaggier. There were subtle differences. It allowed me time to think if I was attracted to this person who looked quite different than what I pictured in my head. When we met, there was still some differences but really they were all positive things. I think video skyping will help in the future. In my case, obviously it did not end well for me, but in the future, I'd strongly suggest skyping or maybe emailing for a week so you can get some of the basics without building up too high of an expectation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 He even sent me extra pictures that werent on OLD i researched him it looked great and added up, i do believe the 'person' he was pesonality wise was 100% legit but the pictures were years out of date. Ive always, like you, have never met someone that looks 100% like their pics but usually u can still see a resemblance that person but with him you couldnt x I just dont get why not just be totally upfront x Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I just dont get why not just be totally upfront x When I used OLD, I used to run into this. It's always better to cut to the chase and just meet sooner rather than later. You don't get why people can't be upfront? For a few reasons. Not confident in how they look. Insecure about how they are perceived. Feeling that they need to match up with being at least reasonably attractive in comparison to the tons of other "applicants" on OLD. This is common on OLD. I'm not sure why you're acting surprised. Or maybe it's disappointment on your part that you built an image in your head and it didn't quite match up. In the future, get the meeting set-up before you start getting attached over the computer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 Maybe Ive just been very lucky that everyone i have met has looked like their pics Ive never encountered this before and done a lot of OLD, my biggest problem so far has been that he looks like he said but he definitely is not looking for LTR or actually he's a player or we have nothing in common apart from fancying each other.. Ive never had it that the personality matches but the looks dont x Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I understand your frustrations. I've been here a few times myself and wrote about one specific Catfish moment in a threat I started about Catfishing. It is indeed disheartening to meet people on OLD sites who aren't completely upfront about themselves, particularly about their physical attributes. And it doesn't even make good sense since the whole intention of being on an OLD is to MEET someone in real life and make a connection. How can that happen if you start off on a lie? At the same time, you must realize that your experience isn't uncommon. That this type of thing happens to just about everyone on some level and at some point when navigating the OLD genre. The key is to not take it personally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 This is why you should meet up sooner rather than later. You waste less time on people who you are not compatible with, mentally or physically. Yes, one reason to meet earlier. I just don't understand the lengthy emailing, texting, etc. before meeting. I email a few times, ask for a phone conversation and then ask for a date within 1-2 weeks. Meet them, determine whether I like them and then move on from there. Leave the getting to know them when you are face to face. Just my 2-cents. Anyway, OP, people mislead with pics, et al, b/c what people look like matters to the vast majority of people. He figured that if he had pics of himself in his most current state, he wouldn't even get a bite or nibble. So, he created an illusion, put his best cyber-personality foot forward, and hoped that his appearance wouldn't be as a big factor. He was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 Yep and Im definitely going to learn from it... just dont see why, as you say they are only going to meet in person anyway so why not just be honest and not waste each others time. I feel like I thought I had potentially met someone just like me and invested time getting to know them, opened up, didnt play any games, dont things totally 100% the healthiest way but actually it was that person but in a shell of someone completely different x Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 just dont see why, as you say they are only going to meet in person anyway so why not just be honest and not waste each others time.x Because they hope the connection that you've built before meeting will supersede/compensate for how you feel when you actually meet them in person. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Some people trick you in real life. Some people trick you online. That's life... you have to learn from your mistakes and learn to spot these things earlier. Don't be taken in by a player's script or good looks. You sound very bitter and jaded from your past experiences. I hope you are not treating people based on the actions of their predecessors. Link to post Share on other sites
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