Interpreting his actions

[hotchick83]

Okay,

 

Here's the story. I met this guy online. The first couple of messages were timely. The next message took about a week. The last message took a couple weeks. (He apologized for the late replies in all of them). It's online dating, so I didn't have any expectations for apologies or timing. I get that online dating is a numbers game.

 

The messaging then moved to personal email. We communicated everyday for about a week. Met for first date (Saturday). It was a great first date (really, really good). Before we knew it, we had talked for almost 5 hrs. Both of us seemed into it. He told me he would be interested in doing this again. He texted a few messages afterwards. I agreed, and told him to let me know. Didn't hear anything on sunday (I didn't text him). He texted me on Monday, texts were throughout day and flirty and he asked me out.

 

We met on Tues. The date was good. Admittedly, it wasn't as good as the first date, but it wasn't terrible. (Honestly, kinda hard to follow up the really good first date). At end of date I told him I had a good time, he said he did too, and to let him know if I wanted to get together again. As we left, he texted first, I responded and thanked him for the good time.

 

Next day I texted him a small have good day. He responded that night. Then, no communication for 4 days. (I'm really bad at the who should text who thing) So, I texted him. He responded. He mentioned something family-wise that came up (I didn't pry or ask him anything, my text was merely a friendly text). I asked him to lunch the upcoming weekend. He said he thought he had to work (he's military, so a special shift, which isn't uncommon), but if he didn't then yes. We texted a couple more friendly texts. Each response from him coming either early in the morning or at night, before he goes to bed.

 

He never got back to me about lunch. I assumed that he had to work, and if he didn't then he would've gotten back to me.

 

Two weeks go by. No communication. I texted him recently. He says I have good timing, that he just returned from training (Again, I didn't ask for explanation or inquire.. the text was merely a friendly text). We have a friendly texting back and forth. Again, with his responses early in am or before he goes to bed.

 

Normally, I'm the one who would advise another gal in my position that he's not interested and move on. I'm confused here for a couple reasons: he always texts back and the messages are more than short sentences. They're not as flirty as the first messaging that monday (it was very obvious he was interested then), but they are friendly. The last text he referenced something form our first date.

 

Background information: We're both in our early to mid-thirties and have busy lives. He's in the military, which adds more demands on him. I have in no way put pressure on him in my texts, asking to define any type of relationship, or questioned his timing. I also do not pester him everyday. Nor would I want to. I'm currently talking to a couple other men (so, I'm not coming form i'm obsessed with this guy perspective), but he has been the most interesting and compatible.

 

I guess I'm trying to gauge his interest. Should I be concerned that this style of communication is a red flag for how it would be if things panned out between us... or should I chalk it up to this is very early stage dating and he's busy. I've been told that when men are interested, they let you know. And I could obviously tell he was interested after the first date, but it's not that way anymore.

 

Any insight, especially form career-oriented men would be helpful!

[acrosstheuniverse]

Weeks are long periods of time to go with little conversation. And it doesn't take any effort at all to send a text, so I wouldn't take his long flirty texts as anything other than time killing for him. Similarly, the fact that texts are so easy to fire off and he isn't bothering to message you for weeks at a time, are all glaring red flags that he just isn't interested.

 

If he was interested he'd be in touch daily or almost daily, he'd have been out on a date with you again, progressing things. He probably just sees it as a time killer right now. Whenever I've had dating progress into a relationship the guy has been fairly invested right from the first few weeks, making time to see me, planning stuff for us to do together, travelling long distances just to meet up for a coffee, and within a few weeks asking me to be exclusive. If you FEEL like he's not really into you, he probably isn't. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

 

I mean, you asked him to lunch, and he said 'if I'm not working, yes' and then he didn't get back to you either way. If he was interested he'd have messaged or called to let you know that yes, he's working, and ask you if you were free on a different date to meet up. He just isn't that interested.