CrystalCastles Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Need some advice for a friend. She liked this guy for several months, and he asked her out for coffee. Semester got busy so they didn't go out again until two days ago. He confessed to her that he had feelings for her, and then kissed her. She admitted her feelings for him (she also frequently invited him to places throughout the semester though he'd turn her down, and texted him frequently, basically doing her best to make her feelings obvious). However, the next few days after, he started acting distant. As if kissing her didn't mean anything to him, and that the weren't dating or that anything is or had been going on. My friend is really confused now because she doesn't know why the distance. Any advice? What should she do? I told her to talk to him about it, but I don't know if that will scare him off because it would make her look too into him. He's not a shy guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Where did they make out? Link to post Share on other sites
Adele0908 Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Could be the "rubberband" effect, where a man pulls away after intimacy. I would tell her to relax, try not to assume anything, and do nothing. It seems she has been in the role of the aggressor up till now. He may feel flattered, but he doesn't get to experience any yearning or desire for her if she is constantly pursuing him. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 He's just not that interested in her. He tried kissing and presumably still didn't feel much attraction so left it at that. Sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Could also be that he was trying to get into her pants, she didn't want to go further than just making out, so he's moving his attention to other potential targets. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrystalCastles Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 They made out on a bench outside on our university campus. He's in one of our classes. I don't think he would have tried to get into her pants- she would have said something about it to me, we're really close. He did schedule a date today. But acted lukewarm towards he after we wrote our final exam. That's why I'm not sure if he really is "just not that into her". Link to post Share on other sites
Adele0908 Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 So if he's just not that into her, what are you going to do? Telling your friend that he's not into her might upset her, and she may not even believe you. He is in college too so perhaps he is just busy? He scheduled a date with her, that means he's still interested. We can't determine his interest level, and since it's early, maybe it's just average. I'm kind of curious as to why you're so concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrystalCastles Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 (edited) So if he's just not that into her, what are you going to do? Telling your friend that he's not into her might upset her, and she may not even believe you. He is in college too so perhaps he is just busy? He scheduled a date with her, that means he's still interested. We can't determine his interest level, and since it's early, maybe it's just average. I'm kind of curious as to why you're so concerned. I'm concerned because she's my friend and I give a crap about her concerns. She's asking me for advice about this situation and frankly I don't have a whole ton of experience to back me up, but I'd like to be of some use to her regardless. And if he's not into her, wouldn't it be best if I tell her that? So that she doesn't waste her time chasing some guy who can't be bothered? I've told friends my thoughts about similar situations when they asked my opinion, and they were grateful for the truth. She would know where I'm coming from, I only want what is best for her. Could it also be that he's one of those "wafflers"? Maybe he's just waffling because he doesn't know what he wants... Edited April 15, 2014 by CrystalCastles Link to post Share on other sites
sagetalk Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Any advice? What should she do? I told her to talk to him about it, but I don't know if that will scare him off because it would make her look too into him. He's not a shy guy. I'd say there is a good chance that both of you are overreacting and thinking too much. Sometimes people are their own worst enemy. He said he has feelings for her. Do you think he is a liar? If so, then why would she want to date a liar? Link to post Share on other sites
Adele0908 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 I'm concerned because she's my friend and I give a crap about her concerns. She's asking me for advice about this situation and frankly I don't have a whole ton of experience to back me up, but I'd like to be of some use to her regardless. And if he's not into her, wouldn't it be best if I tell her that? So that she doesn't waste her time chasing some guy who can't be bothered? I've told friends my thoughts about similar situations when they asked my opinion, today they were grateful for the truth. She would know where I'm coming from, I only want what is best for her. It would be nice but the fact is, you don't know. If she just leaves the situation alone for now and stops chasing and being the aggressor, the truth of how he feels will be revealed in time, through his actions (or lack of action). Link to post Share on other sites
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