shybutnotshy Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Hi, I am/was seeing someone who is driving me nut. Let's call him Mr.Nut. I've posted about him before, it's been almost four months since we met. As I am new to dating and stuff, I thought I would vent you guys for advise. At this point, I consider our non-existing relationship to be over as I am fed up with us. Six weeks ago, Mr.Nut and I had a hot date (heavy make-out, no sex) (that was not technically our first date). After that date, I expressed interest in seeing him the following weekend and gave him a specific date. It appears that Mr.Nut was so into me, that he wanted to come over mid-week, instead of waiting till the weekend. He went AWOL, he never came over mid-week or on the weekend. I did not hear from him for a week. Was he no longer into me? That was acceptable to me, but the silence was just nagging me. I reached out to him and asked if we could meet. When we finally met, I told him that I felt disrespected because he basically treated me like a **** buddy, a one night stand-er. He said he had no excuses/no explanation as to why he bailed out on our plans and said that he forgot that we were supposed to meet. It is upsetting that he supposedly forgot about our plan to meet when he expressed interest in seeing me mid-week in addition to our weekend date. When I push for an explanation, he said, he does not like when I ask for answers. I explained to him that there is no way he blanked out on our "dates" and there must be a reason for him to not call/text for more than a week as if I did not exist. So I told him, if he does not have an explanation, then I can only assume things about his AWOL-ness and this does not help any of us. I explained to him, that's not the way you should treat someone that you claim to love. That's when he finally opened up and said he has been stressed and busy and whenever he is stressed he goes MIA on everyone, including his family. He said, he does not want to talk, he just wants to sit on the couch with me and feel our body against each other. We did just that. He was stressed for valid reasons and I understand him. So I told him, that all he had to do was tell me he is busy and stressed and I'd have understand. I asked him to not make plans that his schedule won't all allow him to follow through, and I am okay if we go back to see each other when he is stress free and less busy. He said, he would text me,call me from time to time. I told him, just a simple message saying "hey I am going to be busy, won't be available to see you for X time" is fine. He apologized for making me feel neglected and explained that he thought I did not love him anyway. So I told him, I like him blah blah blah. He said he would like to take me on a date, start over, and wants to consider a relationship with me. I proposed that we make this plan when he is available and relieved from that thing that's keeping him busy and stressed. We've been texting since then. He does not call me nor return my calls. I too became busy the past two weeks, working 7/7 late hours (7-11:00 PM) on a project and I was out of town. Apparently, the "things" that kept him busy and stressed is completed. My project ended last Friday. I sent him a text last Wednesday, asking him if I will be seeing him again since his project is over and mine was about to be over soon. No response. It's been three weeks since we met and had the above discussion and that hiatus is making me lose interest in him. I've reached out to him and tried to make things work whenever there was a misunderstanding between the two of us. All this, just for a guy. This is against my nature and that's why I've always preferred to be solo. I have opted to not date because I did not want to deal with that kind of non-sense. I am tired of reading his mind, waiting for him, reaching out to him, and being sensitive to his feeling. It's ironic because he's been the one pursuing me. He is the one who tried to give me thousands of reasons as to why being in a relationship, having your special someone can be good and why I should make him my special someone. It's lame because I feel like I've lost him the moment I started to like him. I hate that feeling because this is taking too much rent space in my mind. Thanks for reading my rambling if it makes any sense to you.
Gaeta Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Dating is suppose to be fun, where's the fun part? Just the fact he did not show up med-week like he was suppose to would put him on my black list. You know why dating is hard for you? Because you waste too much time on little flakes like him. 3
Arieswoman Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 shybutnotshy, I don't believe he was too busy to call you even if he was working long shifts. You're flogging a dead horse here. Don't waste any more of your time on Mr Nutjob, you can do so much better. Good Luck.
Emilia Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 OP, I don't really understand why you put so much effort into 'dating' a complete stranger who isn't interested? You are way too involved with someone who doesn't care about you. Time to learn how to draw your boundaries. 2
Author shybutnotshy Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 Dating is suppose to be fun, where's the fun part? Just the fact he did not show up med-week like he was suppose to would put him on my black list. You know why dating is hard for you? Because you waste too much time on little flakes like him. I called him a flake last time, he bring his busy schedule up and his stressed life. I also told him that dating should not be so complicated. I've enough with the flakiness.
Author shybutnotshy Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 shybutnotshy, I don't believe he was too busy to call you even if he was working long shifts. You're flogging a dead horse here. Don't waste any more of your time on Mr Nutjob, you can do so much better. Good Luck. I am done wasting my time. You're correct. Like they say, you make time for what you want. Apparently that has not been the case. I will just ignore him if he texts/call or try to get in touch with me. I deleted his phone number from my contacts last night, so that I am not inclined to contact him at all under any circumstances. 1
Author shybutnotshy Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 OP, I don't really understand why you put so much effort into 'dating' a complete stranger who isn't interested? You are way too involved with someone who doesn't care about you. Time to learn how to draw your boundaries. I guess, I invested so much time in it because he always had an excuse and I try to understand him. I gave him his space because I did not want to be clingy. Also, I tried to understand him whatever excuse he brought up because he is apparently such a sensitive person,I have to watch what I say to him because he is so insecure and sensitive. I called him a flake, brought up his flakiness, and told him that he is playing game. He almost cried his eyes out because I said that I feel he is being hard on me because I was not interested in him when we first started. He got offended, so I backed off. At least I can say that his flakiness, behavior and attitude helped me learned what I am not looking for in a guy. You are correct, I can do better than that, and by that, I am not patting myself in the back.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 OP, I don't really understand why you put so much effort into 'dating' a complete stranger who isn't interested? You are way too involved with someone who doesn't care about you. Time to learn how to draw your boundaries. Agreed. He could have been more respectful of your time and feelings, of course. But you also should learn how to really recognize that someone isn't interested so you can invest your time and effort elsewhere.
Author shybutnotshy Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 Agreed. He could have been more respectful of your time and feelings, of course. But you also should learn how to really recognize that someone isn't interested so you can invest your time and effort elsewhere. You are all correct and I've my lesson. Hope it serves me well. Thanks all
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