How can you tell when a guy is for real or just really good at acting that way

[confuddle]

I got out of a long-term relationship about six months ago and just started dating a new guy about one month ago. My last relationship ended when I found out my ex had been cheating on me for a year and lying to me the whole time. I felt like I had moved on, and for the first time, was ready to date someone again. When I met this new guy, I was totally head over heels for him. It's the first time I felt something like this for anyone that wasn't my ex in at least 4 years.

 

At first things were going really well, but now I'm starting to worry that maybe I've been had by a smooth talker, or maybe my past relationship is affecting me still. The person I'm dating lives together with me and about twenty other people on a research station in the jungle, so we pretty much spend at least half of every day together. He has been so sweet to me, much kinder than any other man had ever been to me. After almost three weeks together, he told me he was really starting to develop feelings for me.

 

I had to leave for a week to go back home for something. He took a ten hour bus ride with me to get to the airport and then for my connecting flight, which was leaving at 6.30 am, he woke up at 5am just so that he could call me before I took my flight. While I was home, he emailed me once a day with really sweet things.

 

But now I'm back and I feel like he has no time for me. I know his work just became insanely busy, but it seems like his free time he doesn't want to spend with me. I've only been back for three days, so maybe I'm overreacting. But he will text message me to say that he is coming back to the station and wants to hang out, and then I don't hear from him until 1am and other people tell me he was in the local bar drinking with other people there. There is also a new female student here that is working on a project with him. She is very beautiful and a few people have told me they were seen together all the time talking very friendily. I know that she was at the bar with him that night but when I asked him about it he never mentioned her name.

 

Am I over-reacting by becoming suspicious or is it possible that this guy was just charming me to get into my pants and then as soon as something else came along, he decided to go after that instead? I did ask him about exclusivity, and he said he was interested in only me and that he truly cared about me. But I also know, from experience with my ex, that men can lie.

 

How can I tell if he is for real and these past few days have just been weird or if he is using me?

[soccerrprp]

1. ...remote research station in the jungle and you were the ONLY(?) available, attractive girl to be with

2. You leave and new, very attractive girl comes into play

3. His behavior changed since her arrival

4. Already got into your pants...

 

hmmm....the only way you can tell if he is for real is for him to get back to how he behaved when there were no other options available, but then again, his interest may be b/c you were or the only option at the time. I am not saying that you are not worth it or attractive, but just an observation.

 

See how he behaves when the two of you are together in the presence of this new arrival.

[confuddle]

I think you are right. Although I am not the only girl here around his age that is attractive, I am just one of three.

 

It is really disappointing though. I finally thought I had met someone that I could really be happy with and now it looks like I've been tricked again. I feel as if maybe I have some kind of strange attraction to toxic men or I am incapable of telling who is honest and who is good at sounding honest. I was so afraid of getting involved after what happened with my ex and now I feel like I ended up with someone very similar. I don't know what to do to insure that the next person I date isn't like this too... It's so hard to tell when someone is for real

[HappyLove]

The only way to tell if a person is real or fake is by their ACTIONS! People won't tell you what they really think about you but they will show you! If he's only coming around for booty calls maybe you need to wake up. He's not the only guy in the jungle if things don't work out.

[preraph]

He's trying to get or has gotten the new student. He's trying to keep you dangling because he doesn't want to be up there without female resources should either of you fizzle. It's not a situation conducive to building trust.

 

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with your other BF. Once that happens, I guess everyone will tell you you'll get over it and love again -- but the truth is, once you get really hurt like that, you may love again, but if you have a brain in your head, you'll never fully invest yourself to the point of blind trust again. It's just survival. People are self-serving beings. A lot of men find it perfectly acceptable to tell women what they want to hear to keep the gravy train going. It's a fact of life. Many of them feel perfectly justified in hiding things in order to screw around. They want you to believe they love you as much as you love them, but it doesn't really wash because loving means not wanting to hurt someone, even if it means some degree of personal sacrifice. Actions mean more than words. Transparency is the only road to real trust.

 

Try to enjoy your stay there at the research station. It can be a wonderful experience if you just don't get caught up emotionally with guys while you're there.