Feeling betrayed. I thought he was my boyfriend

[Febreze]

I feel really bad right now and I'm here sitting at home on this rainy day so full of misery like u don't wanna know

 

Here's what happened. I'll try not make it too long for u guys ok.

 

I met this really awesome cute confident guy last month at my job when he came to drop off a package at the hospital.

 

He's Italian and I'm Italian and Irish so I liked him instantly.

 

He works for UPS as a deliveryman and yea yea yea he's a little cocky but I thought he was interesting and definitely better than some of these other guys I see regularly around here.

 

We flirted and we traded numbers and we started going out pretty fast

 

He would come to see me after he got off work. This was around 9pm or so and we would just fool around.

 

He was funny, always smirking and always have these snarky comments I found cute.

 

He's 31 and me 37 so we're sort of in the same field and he isn't married or anything but then things take a turn

 

Last night he was at my place and we was watching Taken 2 on DVD and he suddenly pulls his phone from his pants buckle.

 

He's talking on there like a lot of yada yada kind of stuff u know.

 

Then he suddenly ups and goes and says how he's going to see his girl and he'll "holler" at me soon?

 

I was stunned

 

I didn't know what to do at that moment.

 

Now look it took me a while for this to register because I thought I was his girl and now I'm not?

 

I mean, WTF is this **** he's putting me through? The nerve of him!!

 

Now I finally got him on the phone today and he tells me both of us are his "girls" and says this crap with that Staten Island Italian accent since he's from there anyway.

 

I told him I'm not a whore and to not treat me like one because I cooked a nice meal for him and made him sandwiches all the time because he always wanted it.

 

And I gave him tons of backrubs and we made out all the time because he always wanted it and I let him have me how he wanted to and he just says he didn't know I felt like that? I mean, huh? That's it?!?!

 

But with even all this I feel down and cheated on and betrayed and I also got into a big fight with my sis because she keeps telling me that I just cant steer clear of these types of guys.

 

How it's all my fault.

 

And I think she's right and I feel like crying right now because I like him so much and yet I feel like I cant really have him or get him to really care for me the way I do for him

[Omei]

Did you not ask if he was single when you met him? If not then your sis is right.

[topaMAXX]

This is what happens when you go for looks over character.

 

Your sister is correct.

[HappyLove]

"He would come to see me after he got off work. This was around 9pm or so and we would just fool around."

 

Has he ever even taken you on a date? Sounds like you assumed a lot of things. Next time ask questions before you start dating a guy. And if you want to be treated with respect demand it. Him just chilling at your house all the time was stupid. Move on and leave this guy alone.

[soccerrprp]

Yikes. You got mixed up with a class-A sleaze ball. Well, you liked him b/c he was Italian and cute....did you ask him if he was single? I suppose you would expect that he wouldn't be...yuck.

[GoreSP]

"He would come to see me after he got off work. This was around 9pm or so and we would just fool around."

 

Has he ever even taken you on a date? Sounds like you assumed a lot of things. Next time ask questions before you start dating a guy. And if you want to be treated with respect demand it. Him just chilling at your house all the time was stupid. Move on and leave this guy alone.

 

I agree with this. Don't assume a man is your boyfriend until he says he is. Otherwise you are just his play toy.

[soccerrprp]

I agree with this. Don't assume a man is your boyfriend until he says he is. Otherwise you are just his play toy.

 

Ugh. I have to agree...ugly.

[Febreze]

This is what happens when you go for looks over character.

 

Your sister is correct.

 

@ Omei I didn't think I had to be asking him stuff like that since he was so into me from the start. And I never had to ask this in the past.

 

@ topaMAXXX I was drawn to his looks I wont deny that ok but I said like a zillion times that he was funny and interesting not just cute.

 

I messed up in a way from not communicating some things to him.

 

And I accept that but how dare he play me like that while sitting on my sofa in my home after I made him another sandwich and gave him some shoulder and backrubs?

 

This is what got me so hurt right now ok?

 

It isn't something that I deserved but I got it anyway.

 

And he acts like he doesn't understand what he did wrong.

 

As if I'm just a nagging old lady or something

[travelbug1996]

Stop all that cooking and backrubs and actin like a wife. Make him take you out or you will get played again.

 

Also ask questions.

[InnocentMan]

You've only known him a few weeks, and he's punked a few sandwiches off you. Be glad he was honest, relatively speaking. I find this difficult to believe from someone of your age.

[ASG]

I agree with this. Don't assume a man is your boyfriend until he says he is. Otherwise you are just his play toy.

 

This, a 100 times this.

 

You assumed he was your boyfriend without ever having talked to him about things.

Now... even when I'm the one dating 2 people at the same time, I'd never be tacky enough to mention that to the other person. Certainly not in the "oh, gotta go now, date number 2 is waiting".

 

Next time, ask.

[GoreSP]

@ Omei I didn't think I had to be asking him stuff like that since he was so into me from the start. And I never had to ask this in the past.

 

@ topaMAXXX I was drawn to his looks I wont deny that ok but I said like a zillion times that he was funny and interesting not just cute.

 

I messed up in a way from not communicating some things to him.

 

And I accept that but how dare he play me like that while sitting on my sofa in my home after I made him another sandwich and gave him some shoulder and backrubs?

 

This is what got me so hurt right now ok?

 

It isn't something that I deserved but I got it anyway.

 

And he acts like he doesn't understand what he did wrong.

 

As if I'm just a nagging old lady or something

 

I'm sorry hun - he didn't play you. You gave him something and he took it. He didn't do anything wrong. You 'gave up the goods' and didn't ask for a commitment.

 

I understand that you are hurt, but next time be a little smarter.

[NYC-BigKat]

I feel really bad right now and I'm here sitting at home on this rainy day so full of misery like u don't wanna know

 

Here's what happened. I'll try not make it too long for u guys ok.

 

I met this really awesome cute confident guy last month at my job when he came to drop off a package at the hospital.

 

He's Italian and I'm Italian and Irish so I liked him instantly.

 

He works for UPS as a deliveryman and yea yea yea he's a little cocky but I thought he was interesting and definitely better than some of these other guys I see regularly around here.

 

We flirted and we traded numbers and we started going out pretty fast

 

He would come to see me after he got off work. This was around 9pm or so and we would just fool around.

 

He was funny, always smirking and always have these snarky comments I found cute.

 

He's 31 and me 37 so we're sort of in the same field and he isn't married or anything but then things take a turn

 

Last night he was at my place and we was watching Taken 2 on DVD and he suddenly pulls his phone from his pants buckle.

 

He's talking on there like a lot of yada yada kind of stuff u know.

 

Then he suddenly ups and goes and says how he's going to see his girl and he'll "holler" at me soon?

 

I was stunned

 

I didn't know what to do at that moment.

 

Now look it took me a while for this to register because I thought I was his girl and now I'm not?

 

I mean, WTF is this **** he's putting me through? The nerve of him!!

 

Now I finally got him on the phone today and he tells me both of us are his "girls" and says this crap with that Staten Island Italian accent since he's from there anyway.

 

I told him I'm not a whore and to not treat me like one because I cooked a nice meal for him and made him sandwiches all the time because he always wanted it.

 

And I gave him tons of backrubs and we made out all the time because he always wanted it and I let him have me how he wanted to and he just says he didn't know I felt like that? I mean, huh? That's it?!?!

 

But with even all this I feel down and cheated on and betrayed and I also got into a big fight with my sis because she keeps telling me that I just cant steer clear of these types of guys.

 

How it's all my fault.

 

And I think she's right and I feel like crying right now because I like him so much and yet I feel like I cant really have him or get him to really care for me the way I do for him [/quote

I almost felt bad for u until I saw how u still like this kind of guy & I don't know why.

[topaMAXX]

@ Omei I didn't think I had to be asking him stuff like that since he was so into me from the start. And I never had to ask this in the past.

 

@ topaMAXXX I was drawn to his looks I wont deny that ok but I said like a zillion times that he was funny and interesting not just cute.

 

I messed up in a way from not communicating some things to him.

 

And I accept that but how dare he play me like that while sitting on my sofa in my home after I made him another sandwich and gave him some shoulder and backrubs?

 

This is what got me so hurt right now ok?

 

It isn't something that I deserved but I got it anyway.

 

And he acts like he doesn't understand what he did wrong.

 

As if I'm just a nagging old lady or something

 

I'll be brutally honest here. At 37, you are way too old to be falling for the good-looking, interesting, funny guys (let's face it....you found him interesting and funny because you were already attracted to him....because of his looks).

 

These posts could easily have been made by an 18 year old.

 

Let me ask you an important question: would you like to be married and have children? If not, by all means, keep doing what you're doing. If so, well, good luck!

 

Your sister sounds like she knows what she's talking about. I'd listen to her if I were you.

[Antenna_Of_Destiny]

Exclusivity is never implied. If that is what you want then you have to communicate your need for exclusivity before doing anything you think you could regret if you become emotionally invested and he isn't exclusive.

[Leigh 87]

This is what happens when you go for looks over character.

 

Your sister is correct.

 

 

 

Unless you are a knockout yourself then yes, those guys will hold out for a beautiful girl and have fun casually with other girls in the meanwhile.

[Febreze]

I'll be brutally honest here. At 37, you are way too old to be falling for the good-looking, interesting, funny guys (let's face it....you found him interesting and funny because you were already attracted to him....because of his looks).

 

These posts could easily have been made by an 18 year old.

 

Let me ask you an important question: would you like to be married and have children? If not, by all means, keep doing what you're doing. If so, well, good luck!

 

Your sister sounds like she knows what she's talking about. I'd listen to her if I were you.

 

Oh wow so now I'm so old because I'm 37 and wants to find a cute guy that I can connect with?

 

Thank you very much Mr. Negative!

 

You cant sit here and tell me that I only found him attractive because of his looks and his looks only when I told you I was also drawn to his character as well.

 

FYI I've always been into confident funny guys. Most of my friends are like this ok.

 

The sooner you learn this about women young or old, the better you'll be.

 

And sorry for not finding many men that fit the bill or I would've been off the market by now

[Tayken]

Unless you are a knockout yourself then yes, those guys will hold out for a beautiful girl and have fun casually with other girls in the meanwhile.

 

 

Wrong....nobody is immune to this. I mean look at Jennifer Aniston

 

She can't seem to hold down a man to save her life, she is just be used and dumped left right and center, same goes for Halle Berry

 

It's not always about the looks, some of us that have been round the block (married) once know this...we want more than that and sex.

[bubbaganoosh]

Boy did the Italian come out in you. Soon as the guy gets there, your feeding him (I'm half Italian too my Mother's side)

 

OK Now that you got this all on the table, the question I have is, have you learned anything from it? You got hooked up with a player and he played you so don't make the same mistakes over and over.

 

If a guy wants your company then he's going to ask you out to dinner or a movie and if it works out that you both enjoy the company then do it again and then when you feel that you two have a connection and care about each other, then break out the Capocollo and Provolone and a nice glass of Dago Red and if he's real good, sausage and peppers but not until you know for sure, then tell him he's skinny and feed him and pinch his cheeks. Top or bottom cheeks who cares.

[Leigh 87]

@ Omei I didn't think I had to be asking him stuff like that since he was so into me from the start. And I never had to ask this in the past.

 

 

 

LOL.

 

He was NOT " so into you"

 

WHY did you assume he was into you?

 

You are 37! You need to know by now that you should not make a guy sandwiches, cook him meals and give him back rubs UNLESS he has declared to you that he wants you to be HIS one and only!

 

He is good looking and affable - he likely has plenty of options, why did you assume that he wanted to be your boyfriend?

 

Dating 101: a man is not into you just because you and him have chemistry and he wants to spend time with you!

 

Please get a higher standard as to what you constitute as "into you".

 

I have met two or three guys within the last year who ALL ranted on and on about how AWESOME I was!

 

That's right - two of the guys would literally repeat over and over again that " I am so amazing, I am so awesome"

 

Then they disappeared on me or changed their minds.

 

I have had THREE men act like they were "really into me" only to disappear.

 

We, as women, have to take responsibility. It IS our job to screen for the men who are truly into us, versus those who aren't.

 

Here is a basic list all women MUST adhere to in order to ... have a much better chance at finding the guys who are genuinely into them VERSUS the men who they THINK are " so into them":lmao:

 

- a guy who is truly into you will arrange proper dates; no matter how busy he is. He will find an hour or two over his weekend or create time to see you if he is THAT into you. He WILL NOT purely arrange dates at your houses.

 

- a man can utter a lot of sweet words to you; they can hold you at night, cuddle you for hours and tell you that you are so amazing; they can do all this WITHOUT being that into you!

 

- if a man is into you, no matter how casual he normally likes to keep things with girls, he will move mountains when he meets a girl who knocks his socks off; he will arrange dates, he will want to make her HIS girl; his one and ONLY.

 

He didn't take you out. He had a spare hour or two each week he could have made you a priority

Instead, he went to your house, let you cook for him and pamper him without him ever mentioning that he wanted to focus on you and only you. He never IMPLIED he wanted to be exclusive!

 

 

 

You need to smarten up.

[Leigh 87]

Wrong....nobody is immune to this. I mean look at Jennifer Aniston

 

She can't seem to hold down a man to save her life, she is just be used and dumped left right and center, same goes for Halle Berry

 

It's not always about the looks, some of us that have been round the block (married) once know this...we want more than that and sex.

 

 

 

 

Jen has a great body and she is cute but she is not a knock out; Halle Berry, on the other hand...

 

Seriously, men are crazy for leaving THAT:o She seems intelligent enough and empathetic, too. From her interviews.

 

But yes I have a gorgeous model friend who cannot get a guy..... They leave her, one said he preferred larger less pretty women, the other preferred Asians.

 

She has sh*t luck Lovely girl too...

[topaMAXX]

Oh wow so now I'm so old because I'm 37 and wants to find a cute guy that I can connect with?

 

You're old if you plan on giving birth to children, yes. Most women seem to either not realize (or are in some kind of weird of denial) that having children becomes much harder after 35 and is very rare after age 40, even with things like IVF.

 

If you don't plan on having children, have it. Go for as many Mr. Studs as you want until you find the right one.

 

Thank you very much Mr. Negative!

 

I prefer to think of it as realistic.

 

At 27, I know that I would like to have a family before I'm too old. I also know that I have some bad habits and that I've generally been dating the wrong types of women. So I'm trying to change that.

 

You are 10 years older than me. You should have had that realization long ago.

 

You cant sit here and tell me that I only found him attractive because of his looks and his looks only when I told you I was also drawn to his character as well.

 

I have enough female friends and experience with women to be able to read in between the lines. You obviously were not drawn to his "character" since he seems to have a poor one (unless you're into that).

 

FYI I've always been into confident funny guys. Most of my friends are like this ok.

 

And the good looks (likely extreme good looks) didn't help either, right?

 

The sooner you learn this about women young or old, the better you'll be.

 

Which one of us on a forum asking questions and which one is giving advice?

 

And sorry for not finding many men that fit the bill or I would've been off the market by now

 

Many men DO fit the bill of what you say you want (confident and funny). Many men do not look like models though (what you actually want).

[MissBee]

Sorry for what you're experiencing, but the biggest problem I noticed is that it doesn't seem like you ask any questions or actually allow a man to date you "properly", i.e. take you out, you go out in public in the day time or evenings, have conversations, meet his friends etc, and have him treat you like a full person.

 

What you described is the classic booty call relationship, where you don't go on dates, this person just comes to your house at night time and you have sex and maybe you make them food and do stuff for them but in fact there is no actual dating going on and no kind of discussion about what they want from the relationship. Well truth be told, there is no relationship and actions are louder than words. A man who only comes to your place after dark and fools around isn't interested in being your boyfriend and having a relationship with you.

 

If you want things to change, set some standards and rules for yourself and only entertain men willing to treat you accordingly. First off, don't allow a man with whom you haven't even been on a date to come to your house at night, that already sets the tone for you to be seen as okay with a booty call relationship. If you exchange numbers, talk to him, discuss things, say something about not looking for sex but a relationship, allow him to take you out by daylight and to do things and COMMUNICATE what you both want. If he is interested he will gladly oblige, if not he will show his true colors and you will often see it before you have sex or emotionally invest. Don't assume a man is in a relationship with you because he sleeps with you and sees you. That doesn't mean he is your boyfriend. That is the first thing you should know. You're 31 hon, this is a lesson every girl should learn at 15, that a man can f--k you and call you and see you and that doesn't mean he is in a relationship with you. Unless he SAYS he is and takes you out and you meet his friends or family, a man coming over after 9pm to fool around is NOT your boyfriend and going forward you need to start asking questions and being more selective about what you will and won't allow.

[moonlightpath]

I see a lot of people are posting you should have asked if he was single. But you shouldn't have to ask!!! (But I guess you should ask since people these days are so insincere). He should be gentleman. I'm sorry this happened. I was in a semi similar situation. But at least he was honest and said he was also seeing someone else. The guy I was with lied to me and cheated for 6 months. It could have been worse for you.

 

In the future ask questions. Pay attention to what HE DOES FOR YOU. Not what you do for him. Don't be in denial about anything. If deep down you know something isn't quite right don't ignore it! I will try to take my own advice lol. Good luck!

[Do_The_Herp]

Boy did the Italian come out in you. Soon as the guy gets there, your feeding him (I'm half Italian too my Mother's side)

 

Half-a guinea here too. Whaddaya know, on my mother's side, too! lol

 

OP, you're more than old enough not to fall for this silly bull****, are you not? C'mon, now..