Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 So I have been dating this girl since last week, but we've been friends since early last year. She is a truly lovely person. Very sweet personality and she is beautiful. I feel extremely lucky to be with her. But there are issues with her that I never guessed at before we started dating. She wants to stay over almost every night, she has moved clothes and stuff in, and besides one day when we stayed over at her parents, she has basically moved into my place. It wasn't weird since she stayed over while we were friends, but she is different now. She leaves her clothes on the floor, takes stuff out of cupboards and leaves it lying around, doesn't put food away once she's finished with it, etc. She has also started using my car which I had no problem with initially since it's newer than hers (my parents bought it for me for my 21 last year), and therefore safer, but she has just made a mess of it. Now when I drive it i'm like wtf! When I confront her about it she just smiles and hugs me and tells me it'll be OK and don't worry etc. As if I'm a 5 year old. She also doesn't want to do stuff I want to do at night, like last night I wanted to re watch Game of Thrones before the new series comes out, and she watched 1 episode and then wanted to have sex. I know tough position for a guy to be in right? Lol. The problem is that she wants to do it very often, and mostly just me going down on her. Don't get me wrong... I love doing it, but I also want to have time for other stuff. I can't really say too much though, because I do think she's an incredible person and I don't think I will ever get such a hot girl again. I really don't know how to tell her how what she is doing is annoying me.
GemmaUK Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Sorry, but she is walking all over you. I think you need to pack her bags for her and keep hold of the keys to your car. 11
David87 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 If she's doing this kind of stuff now it will only get worse in time. Tell her how you feel about what she's doing. It doesn't matter how hot she is because that doesnt mean she can trash your car and your house and your alone time. Set some rules of some sort. 4
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 The problem is that she is good to me in a lot of other ways, and she really is a lovely person. I don't want to rock the boat so to speak.
David87 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) The problem is that she is good to me in a lot of other ways, and she really is a lovely person. I don't want to rock the boat so to speak. Let me get this straight. She trashes your house, your car, she practically moved in with out asking first, she rips your head away during oral, she doesn't let you enjoy movies and tv shows. And you accept all this because she's hot ? Edited March 25, 2014 by David87 4
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 No! That's not what I want either. I just want her to stop the messing up, but I want to tell her in a nice way and have her actually listen. 1
David87 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 No! That's not what I want either. I just want her to stop the messing up, but I want to tell her in a nice way and have her actually listen. Just tell her in a ''nice way'' every time she does something that bothers you. For example: Oh honey I found your sock on my laptop...could you please put it in the laundry basket where it BELONGS Like that. 3
Arieswoman Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 ML, You need to start setting some boundaries and fast. Grow a pair and tell her to stop acting like a spolied brat. She messes your place up and then expects you to clear up after her? Nah. Never mind being nice. She doesn't listen to nice. Tell her to shape up or ship out, life's too short to be a nursemaid. 2
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Just tell her in a ''nice way'' every time she does something that bothers you. For example: Oh honey I found your sock on my laptop...could you please put it in the laundry basket where it BELONGS Like that. I've tried this. She will just smile, be apologetic, give me a hug, be sweet, and I kind of run out of steam... how can I be angry at this girl? But even though she cleans up her mess that time and perhaps the next time, after that I have to clean it up for her. Stuff I have found on my car mats: make up stuff, empty water bottles, half empty water bottles, school papers.. etc. Unacceptable! I could be overreacting because I know I'm a neat freak but it just annoys me.
SammySammy Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 The problem is that she is good to me in a lot of other ways, and she really is a lovely person. I don't want to rock the boat so to speak. Don't want to rock the boat? She's disrespecting you and your property. Women don't tend to stay with guys they don't respect. Guess who they leave and go to - a guy who won't tolerate her disrespect. We teach people how to treat us by what we ignore, what we stop and what we encourage. You better rock that boat. If this behavior is unacceptable to you, put a stop to it or you're going to wish you had. 7
SammySammy Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 The problem is that she is good to me in a lot of other ways, and she really is a lovely person. I don't want to rock the boat so to speak. Don't want to rock the boat? She's disrespecting you and your property. Women don't tend to stay with guys they don't respect. Guess who they leave and go to - a guy who won't tolerate her disrespect. We teach people how to treat us by what we ignore, what we stop and what we encourage. You better rock that boat. If this behavior is unacceptable to you, put a stop to it or you're going to wish you had. 1
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Don't want to rock the boat? She's disrespecting you and your property. Women don't tend to stay with guys they don't respect. Guess who they leave and go to - a guy who won't tolerate her disrespect. We teach people how to treat us by what we ignore, what we stop and what we encourage. You better rock that boat. If this behavior is unacceptable to you, put a stop to it or you're going to wish you had. The funny thing is her previous boyfriend treated her badly. He only met her at her parents house to have sex. If she organised a date or activity he always cancelled or just didn't show. In our group we joked about him being the invisible boyfriend. I vowed if I ever had a chance with her I would treat her better. I don't know what it is about her. I think she's spoiled. She is a real daddy's girl. But she doesn't act rudely. She's always very sweet to everyone. I have seen her upset but never angry. I don't think this is a deal breaker. But maybe you're right. I should put my foot down more. 1
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Let me get this straight. She trashes your house, your car, she practically moved in with out asking first, she rips your head away during oral, she doesn't let you enjoy movies and tv shows. And you accept all this because she's hot ? Dude you have no idea how hot. I thought she was a 9. Until I saw her naked. Even the way she smells drives me crazy. 2
iiiii Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Like David 87 says, just ask her to do something different, each time she does something that annoys you. Be polite and firm, and consistent. She will get it. Remember that there are probably some things you do that piss her off too. So think about how you would like her to approach you and talk to you when you are inadvertently doing something annoying. Then try to treat her the same way about her annoying habits. Be aware that if she is basically a messy person and you are basically a neat freak, you may both need to compromise and meet in the middle somewhere. If you aren't willing to do that, then that might be a deal breaker for both of you. IMO if you can't communicate about these things and resolve issues as they arise, the relationship won't last. But if you can learn to communicate and compromise over little things like this, the relationship (IMO) has a better chance of surviving any major issues that occur in the future. 3
gaius Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I'd probably start the conversation with some variation of how sexy she is, and then bring out how her messiness drives you a little crazy. Keep the energy positive and you might escape with your life. 4
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Thanks iii I am willing to compromise for her. It's just difficult because I like things clean. But she's definitely worth it to me. Like David 87 says, just ask her to do something different, each time she does something that annoys you. Be polite and firm, and consistent. She will get it. Remember that there are probably some things you do that piss her off too. So think about how you would like her to approach you and talk to you when you are inadvertently doing something annoying. Then try to treat her the same way about her annoying habits. Be aware that if she is basically a messy person and you are basically a neat freak, you may both need to compromise and meet in the middle somewhere. If you aren't willing to do that, then that might be a deal breaker for both of you. IMO if you can't communicate about these things and resolve issues as they arise, the relationship won't last. But if you can learn to communicate and compromise over little things like this, the relationship (IMO) has a better chance of surviving any major issues that occur in the future.
Mascara Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 It might not bother you now, because it's new and she's cute and you're in the first flushes etc. but a few years down the line it will be a deal breaker. My ex liked living among clutter, I hated it. He kept EVERYTHING, and would cram shelves with crap, leave bags of laundry laying around. He'd just shrug in the end and say "well you don't like clutter, I do.... it doesn't make you any more right, we just like things differently" There were many reasons I couldn't keep living with him, but that was one. I'd never live with a clutterer again. 2
Emilia Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 It might not bother you now, because it's new and she's cute and you're in the first flushes etc. but a few years down the line it will be a deal breaker. My ex liked living among clutter, I hated it. He kept EVERYTHING, and would cram shelves with crap, leave bags of laundry laying around. He'd just shrug in the end and say "well you don't like clutter, I do.... it doesn't make you any more right, we just like things differently" There were many reasons I couldn't keep living with him, but that was one. I'd never live with a clutterer again. It comes down to idleness at the end of the day. I can't tolerate it. Don't be lazy, clean up after yourself, respect that other people share your living space too. Can't stand it. 1
David87 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Dude you have no idea how hot. I thought she was a 9. Until I saw her naked. Even the way she smells drives me crazy. You are so funny, but I can relate in some way because I did alot of stupid thing for models ) and hot girls. Still tell her next time she trashes your car. 3
Pineappls Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 not a good match and she dont take you serious , tell her its better to move out. you like her but the mess is to much.
David87 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 not a good match and she dont take you serious , tell her its better to move out. you like her but the mess is to much. You have to see her naked, then decide ) lol
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 not a good match and she dont take you serious , tell her its better to move out. you like her but the mess is to much. Thanks but I don't want to do this. She's so sweet and beautiful, I won't get another girl like this. She also does a lot for me... gets me a lot of gifts, writes me sweet messages, wants me to spend time with her at her folks, I don't believe she is intentionally disrespecting me. I just have to find a way to put the point across in a firm but kind way. Being angry with her is very difficult. She can melt me pretty easily.
Haydn Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 This will get worse. Then when she is bored of trashing you she will go trash someone else. I am sure she is wonderful but like another poster said, its cute for a while but then it becomes a monster. (Emilia, i am known for my minimalist lifestyle) Thanks but I don't want to do this. She's so sweet and beautiful, I won't get another girl like this. She also does a lot for me... gets me a lot of gifts, writes me sweet messages, wants me to spend time with her at her folks, I don't believe she is intentionally disrespecting me. I just have to find a way to put the point across in a firm but kind way. Being angry with her is very difficult. She can melt me pretty easily. 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I can't believe you've let a chick you've been dating a whole week move into your place and start staying over every night. Is this a joke? Does this really happen? I PROMISE you, if she is annoying you this much now, it will only get worse. Conversely to what you seem to be thinking right now, asking her to move out and laying down some boundaries are pretty much the only thing you can do to NOT lose her. Going this fast is almost a guarantee of it crashing and burning pretty fast. And like others said, women don't respect men with no boundaries that they can walk all over. 4
Emilia Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 She's so sweet and beautiful, I won't get another girl like this. I think you kind of need to get out of this mentality if you don't want another person to keep walking over you. You are far too young to judge what kind of girls you can 'get' throughout your lifetime and let's face it, it's very unlikely that you will end up marrying her. As you mature, you will likely find that your taste in women will change anyway, I've seen it with lots of guys. They prefer different kinds as they get older and certain things become more important. One lesson for life is not to allow yourself to be painted in the corner because you literally have no idea what happens down the line.
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