mellogaylea Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Its been two months with a guy who just automatically moved himself in rather than go back to his moms place. No dates, ignored my birthday, borrows money and never pays it back, doesn't work, collects only food stamps, ignores my feelings, storms off for hours when I confront him, doesn't help with any living expences, lies to me, never co pli ents anything but my cooking, and shows no ambition to right the lifestyle he is leading at age 46. And now thanks to my trusting his word I just lost my car ins due to not having the money toay this month and I'm broke for no reason. Am I crazy to still care about a guy who can't be a man? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Why did you let him move in? Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Its been two months with a guy who just automatically moved himself in rather than go back to his moms place. No dates, ignored my birthday, borrows money and never pays it back, doesn't work, collects only food stamps, ignores my feelings, storms off for hours when I confront him, doesn't help with any living expences, lies to me, never co pli ents anything but my cooking, and shows no ambition to right the lifestyle he is leading at age 46. And now thanks to my trusting his word I just lost my car ins due to not having the money toay this month and I'm broke for no reason. Am I crazy to still care about a guy who can't be a man? If YOU don't know the answer to that question, you are in for years of heartache. But, you won't be alone....plenty of women like yourself get trapped in lousy relationships even when all the signs are there to get out. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Yes you are.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BikerAccnt Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Yep. Throw the bum out. Link to post Share on other sites
BradJacobs Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 You are enabling this behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Not sure what the hell about a 46 yr old man leeching off of you is so damn hard to let go. Has he really impacted you that much in 2 months that you would put yourself in the same situation he's in?? Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 At 46yrs old. He's not likely to all of a sudden get his $hit together. Boot the lazy sod out! Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 If you have to even ask the question, you are in for a WORLD of pain and heartbreak!! Seriously, go back and read what you posted. Does this really sound like the kind of guy that cares for you at all??? Do yourself and him a favor and kick him to the curb. You can do better than this bloodsucking man-child. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 This is why you pay attention to red flags. 46 no job....NEXT! Link to post Share on other sites
CarismaLeoni Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 You seem to like to be the nurturing type of a person. The one who takes care of everything and everyone, risking her happiness and often settling down for an immature man, someone who is incapable of "surviving" without you. What kind of person is a nurturing type? * loving and forgiving by nature * having huge (even unrealistic) hope in the partner * feeling responsible to "repair" their partner, teaching them everything they don't know yet * likes to feel that someone needs them (It doesn't have to be all of it at once of course.) If that's the case, you could encourage your man to be someone better, but if that is not possible you will just end up nowhere if you keep on "raising" him day by day and making him dependent on you, until he gets independent and leaves you, like a child leaves a mother's home. You know already that there are two options: take it or leave it. You wonder how to be sure which one to chose? You said you love him very much but you need to do a self respect check and ask yourself many questions to be sure what you want and what are your absolute deal breakers in terms of a relationship. Then you need to find out if you could get accustomed to this situation and be ACTUALLY*happy--- if you can not be happy--- you would need to find out next - (not assume !!!)- if he is the kind of a man who could improve things that bother you. Improve them not only for you but for HIMSELF as well. This is a complex situation, and even though your man seems like a bum character, he might not be. Depression or various reasons make people discouraged about working on themselves and their dreams in life. Have you spoke to him about it in a loving way? What are his dreams? What are his qualities which he would like to improve? Age is one thing, being stuck in a hopeless situation for years is another. This is truly depressing, also "love-consuming". Maybe your partner is depressed and acts hopeless (useless) because he doesn't have more hope for himself. For most people, that would be the reason why they aren't good at loving their partners fully. It might be that your man doesn't love himself fully because he feels stuck and the only thing he has is you. As a nurturing type, you feel subconsciously that he needs you and you would be caring anyway, even if he didn't have a job, hobby, even a smile on his face. Or even if he was depressed to the point he wouldn't want to come out of bed. My general advice for you: DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU. Before you make a decision to stay with him or cut him out of your life - you need to understand why you are in this situation in the first place to be able to either make it better or come out of it and never be in this situation again. I think you should ask yourself why you keep choosing men like this. It would be essential to discover the reason (for that pattern) with the help of a good professional sometime soon. I assume you are still young at heart and you would love to be in a true partnership, in which both people mutually take care of each other. You should find this kind of relationship, no matter how old you are. All of us want to have a good life to share with a loving person. It would be great for you both to find out where you got stuck and how to get out of there step by step. Life is short. Time is not promised. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) OP, I appreciate and agree with a lot of what carismaleoni has to say, but I want to add my own perspective on this....that will differ. 1. He is not going to change. He's 46, unmotivated and jobless b/c he is what he is. By this age, for certain, the core personality of the person DOES NOT CHANGE. Literally immutable. 2. You remind me of a few friends (female) who wasted years of their lives with men who they waited for to change, fix...but couldn't. Whether you want to believe it nor not, the dysfunction or unhappiness in the relationship has as much to do with you as your bf. YOU are the one preventing yourself from having a happier relationship with a man that you deserve. Yes, you. There comes a time when you have to pick yourself up and shout at the top of your lungs that YOU DESERVE BETTER. This is one of those times...one of those times to kick this guy's butt out the door and NEVER look back. 3. He's a walking red flag! You're annoyed and again, there is a reason why he's collecting food stamps. I suspect it's not just b/c he is incapable of working, rather something more unsettling... Edited March 25, 2014 by soccerrprp 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 As good as it gets? Yes. As long as you accept that behavior, that's as good as it's going to get for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Armegoggon Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Honestly, if I had a girlfriend that REALLY cared about me, I'd take advantage of this and feel very less pressure. In your case, it is not a good situation you want to be in if he doesn't seem like at all he cares for you. Bottom line is, warn him that if he doesn't start to show interest, it's about time to break up. Just have the will to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
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