Amethyst84 Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Have you ever been in a relationship where you have a lot of fun together in person and enjoy their company, but when you're apart you question your feelings? I've been with my boyfriend 5 months and I can't stop questioning things when apart. I worry that my feelings aren't intense enough and that I am not "in love". I'm afraid that this means something is wrong and that I am deceiving him (but I'm not, he knows how I feel). When we're together though, we have a blast. We are always laughing and I feel like it's the most functional relationship I've ever had. We click well, respect each other and get along great. I feel a lot of affection towards him. The only issue is my constant worries when we're apart. No matter how good of a time we have, I always end up worrying again when I'm alone. I have really stressed myself out about it and its making me unhappy. I want to just relax and enjoy the great relationship in front of me, but I can't stop torturing myself with these thoughts. Anyone had similar issues? If so how did it turn out?
Versacehottie Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 um, maybe. Because they are just usually fleeting, quick thoughts--that in hindsight, i "forget" or creatively re-create history that they never happened. I think a lot of people do that. I think when they are those fleeting thoughts, it usually boils down to something about the pace of the relationship (usually in my case that it's going too fast when i have these thoughts) and being truthfully a little scared about it all. I think if it was more than a fleeting thought, i would be concerned in your case but that hasn't happened to me. I would say all turned out WELL in that they were relationships that deserved to move forward even if we broke up for other reasons later. Unless it's a nagging thought you have, I don't think anyone has a crystal ball and if you are having fun, why not go for it? I think if you examine what triggers these unhappy feelings, it will be your first step toward figuring out how to address. I hope that it's just a little bit of fear since you said you have so much fun together! That sounds great. Good luck!
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I had these thoughts in my last relationship and they were there because I wasn't in love. When you are in love you will know it without question.
Under The Radar Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Have you ever experienced these feelings of anxiety in previous relationships?
Author Amethyst84 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 Not really, I've been in relationships where I was infatuated and over thought/read into everything the guy did. So I was constantly thinking about that. But I've also been in relationships where I didn't have strong feelings and I was never bothered by it once. I think the difference here is I know how much my current boyfriend likes me and that it could work out long term.
Versacehottie Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I think the difference here is I know how much my current boyfriend likes me and that it could work out long term. See that in itself can be a bit scary. Guys aren't the only ones who are scared of commitment. We can be too, deep-down. 1
Under The Radar Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 I tend to agree with Versacehottie here ...... Think about it: You have an amazing time together, over a period of 5 months, and feel it's the most functional relationship you have ever had. You stated that you are very affectionate towards him and share a mutual respect. The thought that he could be the one you spend the rest of your life with is understandably scary ...... especially when you have had previous relationships that didn't go the distance. You said he is aware of your anxiety and the unhappiness it is causing you? What does he say to that? It might be a fear of losing this relationship that's worrying you sick when you two are apart. You definitely don't want this insecurity to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. 1
Author Amethyst84 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Posted February 21, 2014 He's really supportive about the whole thing. He's confused why it bothers me so much and doesn't think I need to be so concerned with my feelings at this point. He's pretty laid back/realistic about relationships . I've just got it stuck in my head that there's some sort of time limit to falling in love and that otherwise I'm leading him on. But he knows where I'm at and it doesn't bother him. The thought of ending it makes me cry though, so I don't know if that means anything. I am aware though that worrying so much might be a self-fulfilling prophecy, I don't want to think my way out of a good thing.
Under The Radar Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 Well, he is aware of your feelings and is patient. If the thought of breaking up with him stresses you out, more than when your apart, I'd give it some more time. Honestly, it sounds like you have a good catch here (go check out the breakup section of the forum).
Recommended Posts