Crushing on someone you grew up with

[Jive]

I was curious to find out how common it is in life to know someone personally, and in your gut you just KNOW that you two would be the perfect fit for each other, but for whatever circumstances, a romantic relationship just never evolved and now it’s someone you may think about from time to time and think If only I did this… or if only I said this, or that.

 

For example, I know this girl who I haven’t spoken to in a few years, but lately I’ve been thinking about reaching out to her, but I don’t know if I’m going crazy or not. I met her about 15 years ago when my family moved into the house next door to hers, she knows my entire family, has witnessed all my awkward stages, we carpooled to high school together and I’m very good friends with her older brother to this day. Her and I are both in our late 20’s now and she has since moved to another state (not sure if it’s temporary or not) and is single like me.

 

I’ve always had a crush on her growing up but never said or did anything about it, but I always felt SOMETHING there between us. I can’t explain it.

 

We had the same social circle and would go out to concerts and what not all the time. Being around her was like getting a jolt of electricity and I never wanted it to end. BUT I NEVER DID ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Partly because I guess I was just such good friends with her brother, and if she turned me down, well… being next door it would have made things awkward to say the least.

 

Well flash forward to college and we both move out and go on our separate journeys. I saw her maybe 2 or 3 times a year on special occasions. We both were also in serious relationships with other people at the time, so eventually my major crush on her kinda sat on the sidelines and I didn’t think about her too much because I had a steady girlfriend.

 

Eventually the guy she was with cheated and they broke up. A few months later, my relationship had ended as well for natural reasons. So now we were both single.

 

Shortly after this I saw her at a wedding for a mutual friend (I was a groomsman) after not seeing her for close to 3 years. She approached me at the reception and we had a warm embrace. She told me that she hardly recognized me from my beard and seemed genuinely into me the entire night. We danced, slow danced, and had a lot of fun in general, but hardly did any ‘catching up.’ At the end of the night I was looking all over for her only to hear that she had already left. I felt bummed that we couldn’t say ‘bye’ to each other since I had NO idea when I would see her again. It was always so random with huge gaps in between.

 

About 3 years has passed since that night and I saw her a total of 3 times in between then and now for a funeral, birthday get-together, etc. Each time strictly platonic with her brother always in presence.

 

It’s crazy because we have almost EVERYTHING in common: music, activities, movies, worldviews, religion, etc… Sometimes I feel like she’s the other half of me. It almost seems ridiculous that we’re NOT dating! My family growing up has always suggested me ask her out, but I just couldn’t get myself to do it.

 

We sorta keep in touch on Facebook. Once in a blue moon we’ll like something on one another’s page but that’s about it. This is crazy, but whenever I get a notification on Facebook that comes from her, I feel this powerful surge of joy. It’s like a digital feel-good shock lol.

 

I don’t know what it is… She’s constantly on mind and has been pretty much ever since I moved in next door 15 years ago. There has always been SOMETHING there between us. I can just FEEL it! But we hardly ever see each other anymore and I’m not sure if she ever plans on moving back. She currently has a temp job where she works that will be over within a year.

 

Should I reach out to her and see how it’s going? Would that be too weird given the circumstances? I was curious to see if anyone has ever been in a similar situation and has reached out. How did it turn out?

[Trimmer]

Should I reach out to her and see how it’s going? Would that be too weird given the circumstances? I was curious to see if anyone has ever been in a similar situation and has reached out. How did it turn out?

Why wouldn't you? How bad could it possibly be if it doesn't turn into anything?

 

I think your biggest obstacle is yourself, and your tendency to hold back. You had her, having a good time, sharing slow dances, literally in your arms - at a wedding, no less - and you didn't follow up? You will need to become bolder and more willing to reach out and take that risk if you're going to do this, but why not?

 

Wake up, dude! It's been half your life that you haven't taken a chance on this. How much more of your life will you agonize and keep thinking about it, instead of doing something about it?

 

You need two things: (1) an ability to go outside your comfort zone in reaching out and being more confident and assertive with her, and seemingly in opposition to that: (2) an ability to say: ok, if it turns out this doesn't work then it's time to leave it behind and move on.

 

So no collapsing of your life in a smoking heap if you try, and it doesn't happen, OK? If it doesn't happen then you are released from this decade-long burden, and you can move on, knowing that at least you finally tried.