markanderson Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I am divorced and have daughter. I am dating a woman since almost a year now. We are in a long distance relationship. When I first met her I told her I have a daughter, she said she had no problems with it. Any how few weeks back she had a fit and went to go drunk, the reason she started hating that I have a kid. and today another bombshell, She told me she cannot be near any children and that if my daughter is home, she will go away from home. This is after we get married. I asked her where, she said she will go out with a guy friend till my daughter leaves, I asked her is this right that after marriage she hangs out with men and spend the night with him ?. she says it is ok. I asked her why not female friends, she told me she is comfortable only with male friends. I said no I will not allow you to spend time alone with a guy friend when we are married. She is from a different country. I do not know what to do. Should I stay in this relationship or just say goodbye to her and find another one. I feel like she cares more about her making friends than me. She says she has no friends here and wants to make friends with men . I love her and i know she loves me too. Just confused what to do.
darkmoon Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 (edited) hating that you have a kid? hating the evidence of your ex and you sleeping together, imho, the guy friend thing (not a female ever) is her childish retaliation for you having an ex with whom you share a child sit down with her and ask her, not sure if she will admit all this, but there are adult ex-step-children who describe the torment from step-parents when they were young, caution is my advice she is not going to be easy-going, so far there no hints of this, she has made her attitude clear Edited January 9, 2014 by darkmoon
CarrieT Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 There should be no confusion here. You have a woman who hates your child and is going to go out with men. You break up with her immediately and don't look back! 7
happywithlife Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 When a person enters a relationship with a person who has children, they also start a relationship woth those children. She is not willing to have a loving relationship with your daughter. This will result in an unhappy situation for you and an unhealthy one for your daughter. In this case put your daughter's well being first and end the relationship. You can find someone who loves you and accepts your daughter. 4
polynomial Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 She sounds quite immature and childish to be honest..
Ok Good Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 sometimes my friend, love is not enough she has clearly stated her position LISTEN to it otherwise you are in for a world of hurt. 1
soccerrprp Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Just confused what to do???? Tell her "goodbye!" 2
Author markanderson Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Yes you are right this is her retaliation of me having a ex and kid hating that you have a kid? hating the evidence of your ex and you sleeping together, imho, the guy friend thing (not a female ever) is her childish retaliation for you having an ex with whom you share a child sit down with her and ask her, not sure if she will admit all this, but there are adult ex-step-children who describe the torment from step-parents when they were young, caution is my advice she is not going to be easy-going, so far there no hints of this, she has made her attitude clear
Author markanderson Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 This is something I have been, thinking about since some time. When a person enters a relationship with a person who has children, they also start a relationship woth those children. She is not willing to have a loving relationship with your daughter. This will result in an unhappy situation for you and an unhealthy one for your daughter. In this case put your daughter's well being first and end the relationship. You can find someone who loves you and accepts your daughter.
nescafe1982 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Yeah, sadly, you cannot have a relationship with a woman who can't accept that you have a child. It sucks that she waited this long to tell you about her problem, but it's probably better for all concerned if you make a mutual break at this point. There are women out there who will embrace you for who you are, OP. Don't settle for less than that. Good luck! 2
Author markanderson Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 This is her exact words to me "I love your daughter, but only from 50 kms away" She bad mouths me when she is upset, then she tell me she loves me.
nescafe1982 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 This is her exact words to me "I love your daughter, but only from 50 kms away" She bad mouths me when she is upset, then she tell me she loves me. That is a horrible thing to say! Wholly inappropriate. OP, you deserve better. Break it off with this woman before she makes things even worse. 2
Author markanderson Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Thanks, I hope she will treat my daughter right.
CarrieT Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Thanks, I hope she will treat my daughter right. I am very confused. Are you going to continue in a relationship and HOPE that it turns out for the best when you have been given all the signs that she is going to make it worse for your daughter? 2
wavejumper Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 she sounds like a horrible person. why would you stay with someone so awful? further, it sounds like she is using you to get citizenship, or for a sundry of other reasons. run, and thank your lucky stars you found this out before getting deeper into it. 1
Sand Man Dan Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Dude how are you even unsure of what to do? Get a grip man. Dump her ass 2
diore Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I am divorced and have daughter. I am dating a woman since almost a year now. We are in a long distance relationship. When I first met her I told her I have a daughter, she said she had no problems with it. Any how few weeks back she had a fit and went to go drunk, the reason she started hating that I have a kid. and today another bombshell, She told me she cannot be near any children and that if my daughter is home, she will go away from home. This is after we get married. I asked her where, she said she will go out with a guy friend till my daughter leaves, I asked her is this right that after marriage she hangs out with men and spend the night with him ?. she says it is ok. I asked her why not female friends, she told me she is comfortable only with male friends. I said no I will not allow you to spend time alone with a guy friend when we are married. She is from a different country. I do not know what to do. Should I stay in this relationship or just say goodbye to her and find another one. I feel like she cares more about her making friends than me. She says she has no friends here and wants to make friends with men . I love her and i know she loves me too. Just confused what to do. No culture will favor a married woman spending time with male friend alone. Also,she sounds like a very selfish petson unless your daughter is unbearable.
Author markanderson Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 Yes I had a talk with her, and there was lot of misunderstanding between us, we are going to take our relationship slow and not rush in to marriage right now. She said she will be ok with my daughter. She was going through lot of depression when she said all that. Any ways I am going to be careful.
CarrieT Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 She was going through lot of depression when she said all that. I am a firm believer that when someone is depressed, they feel free to say what is in their heart. I don't believe her feelings will change, but she will learn how to guard herself from saying things that will be hurtful -- but she will still feel it. Please, please, please don't marry this woman until she actually can care for your daughter. Not just be nice to her, but actually have affection for her. 4
ChessPieceFace Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 This is her exact words to me "I love your daughter, but only from 50 kms away" She bad mouths me when she is upset, then she tell me she loves me. Ugh. Get this woman out of your life immediately. She will be terrible for you and your kid(s). 2
Lady2163 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Listen, I am single and I'm not interested in a man that has full custody of his kids. Would I be able to tolerate every other weekend, school vacations etc. I'd like to think I'd do better than tolerate it, I'd enjoy it. Would there be massive adjustments and several tense moments? You bet. But I'm not interested in every spare moment being dedicated to a step child. When I read profiles on OLD that say, I spend four nights a week with my kids and every weekend with them, they are my life. I think to myself, "does he not know he just told a woman 'get involved with me only if you're willing to accept that my want and needs and my kids wants and needs come waayaayyyy before yours..." You've only been seeing this woman a year. Cut and run. She doesn't like your daughter. She thinks it's okay to spend,the ninth with a male friend she has just met. She is using her depression as an excuse. This will get worse, not better. She is not taking care of herself. Rule number one of mental illness: no drinking or drugs. 3
nescafe1982 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Yes I had a talk with her, and there was lot of misunderstanding between us, we are going to take our relationship slow and not rush in to marriage right now. She said she will be ok with my daughter. She was going through lot of depression when she said all that. Any ways I am going to be careful. Watch her actions. Not her words. What is she going to do about her depression and feelings of rivalry with your daughter? Apologies mean ****-all if she doesn't fix the problem. Therapy might be a good start. But I'd be more inclined to leave her. 1
OpheliaSong Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 She told you how she really felt and then backpedaled when you didn't approve of it and agree with her to get rid of your daughter. A woman who loves you will love your kids by extension or they will try really hard to be mature about it and know that you cant ask a man to choose between you and his kid. She is bad news and depression is NO excuse. 1
soccerrprp Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I am sorry, but too many people in this world use their emotional/mental handicaps as an excuse. Her disapproval of you having a child and wanting nothing to do with her is not about her alleged depression. Even if it did, you cannot risk, which is likely, that she will feel resentful about your child's presence though on the surface she may pretend, in the short-term, that she is okay with it. Don't take the risk. You already know enough to move on. That's if you value your own child more than this relationship or this woman. 3
John-Dough Posted January 31, 2014 Posted January 31, 2014 Any how few weeks back she had a fit and went to go drunk, the reason she started hating that I have a kid. and today another bombshell, She told me she cannot be near any children and that if my daughter is home, she will go away from home. This is after we get married. Do you really need to ask what you should do?
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