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Ex still wants me in her life and to be her friend, can I get her back?


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Old 6th January 2014, 10:26 PM   #1
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Unhappy Ex still wants me in her life and to be her friend, can I get her back?

Ex still wants me in her life and to be her friend, can I use this to my advantage to get her back?

My ex and I have always had feelings for each other since we became friends 4 years ago. We're both turning 18 soon, and we dated once at 13 and broke up fast. It didn't mean much but it I think it signifies how naturally infatuated we are with each other.

We had a "thing" for like a year, but we were committed to one another for about the last 6 months of the relationship. I wasn't a great boyfriend overall because I was naive, and didn't put in that much effort because I took her for granted from the beginning (it was easy to begin a "thing" with her, so the relationship was too easy to have as well). Honestly, I didn't treat it like a true relationship... I am regretful because I feel I kind of emotionally abused her because I acted somewhat insecure about her, and in hindsight I guess I didn't show her how special she was to me.

She dumped me because she fell out of love, and I don't blame her. She really wants to be friends like we used to. We used to talk about other guys/girls to each other, we were best friends and we were very close... She knows how I feel. I told her how I realize what I did wrong, and how I want to change. I know actions speak louder than words but I can't show her how I can be a better boyfriend because she won't give me that chance. I told her "I will try to be your friend and support you, like old times" and it meant a lot to her, but ultimately I want a new relationship with her; a better one, a real one, the one she wanted from the beginning. I don't see either of us dating any other people this year, but I still don't want to be just her "friend".

We're each others firsts in many ways. We've known each other since a young age and I'm the only one that has showed so much interest in her, and I know that I am the only guy so far that has ever loved her the way I do. And honestly she is the only girl in my life that has treated me so well, and I think she is the only girl that has ever loved me in a romantic way. We are both incredibly special to each other, but right now she is no longer "in love with me", and that's why she just wants to be friends.

She says that she still has feelings for me, but isn't "in love" with me anymore. She thought about breaking up with me for about a week, but mentioned that she realized she was unhappy for a while but didn't know it...? She says "it's nothing you did or didn't do, you're a great person but I am no longer in love with you". That right there should be the nail in the coffin, but I don't completely agree. Call me delusional but it is obvious that I could have done things differently, she even mentioned that herself at one point. I see it as her way to tell me to "give up" I guess, and I probably should, but I can't give up on her so soon.

The last time we hung out was for a few hours because she insisted that I stay. We had a heart-to-heart moment for a while, which I calmly used to express myself (maybe too much). She couldn't keep eye contact for most of the time, what could that mean? She was obviously very comfortable with me because we were in her room, and we held each other for a long moment. She also said that she had already moved on by that time (3 weeks after break up), it confuses me that she could friend-zone me so fast (but still has feelings for me).

I've told her everything I feel I could/wanted to say (again, probably too much talking), asking for a second chance, and now we are giving each other more space (NC). I don't feel the need to contact her anymore, I will allow her to break contact whenever that may be...

Is it possible to give up on someone, then find out later you want to try again?
Also, is it a good idea to try and be friends again; would it land me in the friendzone permanently? We have escaped each others friend zones a few times.


Her heart seems set, but she is still attracted to me and still carries feelings. I made it clear that if we were together again that it would be much different than before but I think it's far too soon to take anything back yet.

There are obvious signs to give up and maybe eventually become "friends" again, but there are still many reasons for me to hang on. I don't only miss the intimacy, I truly miss her. She was my best friend before we were together and we are compatible in so many ways.

Any help is appreciated.
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Old 6th January 2014, 10:31 PM   #2
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Quote:
Is it possible to give up on someone, then find out later you want to try again?
Sure. As proof this forum has a whole section on "second chances". I had a second chance relationship and it was actually pretty nice.


Quote:

Also, is it a good idea to try and be friends again; would it land me in the friendzone permanently? We have escaped each others friend zones a few times.
If you have had contact that is more than friendly then it is always possible you will again unless it was awful. If you had a sexual relationship before it can be again.

Since you are young you may not realize this one fact. Some people have relationships where they are friends, have sex every once in a while, and it means nothing romantically. It's like giving eachother a really deep back rub. This is known as FWB. Usually an EX becomes an FWB if the sex was ok.

Since you are young anything is possible. Odds are the next woman you fall for will make the last look wrong, then the next will look that much better... and so on.
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Old 6th January 2014, 10:31 PM   #3
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Sounds like you still have strong feelings for this girl. You should avoid being "friends".
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Old 6th January 2014, 10:43 PM   #4
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You don't want to be her friend. You want more. Until you can look at her and not fantasise about being in a relationship with her, and can picture her with other guys, you need to stay away.
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