Mrlonelyone Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Oh, I know I am not what people usually have in mind but has I take stock of my self, and my life I realize I have all the core hallmarks of such. Yet I have not had a certified bonnified 100% normal BF GF or BF BF or GF BF relationship. (As I am both bisexual in practice and can present nicely as both genders all of those are possible for me.) Those who research this call "bad boys" those with dark triad personalities. I took an online quiz which is part of a research program on such people and derived from a peer reviewed published paper. I score above average on Narcicism, Machiavelianism and average on psycopathy. Narcissism is an egotistical preoccupation with self. [more] Because of all their experience with maintaining their self image, people who score high for narcissism will often appear charming but their narcissism will later lead to extreme difficulty in developing close relationships. Because of all their experience with maintaining their self image, people who score high for narcissism will often appear charming but their narcissism will later lead to extreme difficulty in developing close relationships. [less] Machiavellianism is a tendency to be manipulative and deceitful. [more] It usually stems from a lack of respect or disillusionment for others. Psychopathy reflects shallow emotional responses. [more] The relative lack of emotions leads results in high stress tolerance, low empathy, little guilt and leads them to seek extremely stimulating activities, resulting in impusivity and a disposition towards interpersonal conflict. The test URL is here. Dark Triad Personality Test Clearly someone who rates a large score on the above is not really a very nice person. Sure I take good care of my family, but even then, I must be a real beast towards those who are not that close to me. Which would mean I keep potential mates, at a distance. I am a bad bad boy (or a terrible **tch depending on the day). Yet I am not happy and a success with women (or men or anyone else). Since most here are strictly hetero let us focus on that side of things. Many are the times someone on here would write of how much they want to be the one women have sex with on the side. I am that person on the side, on the low. The one people want to screw but not the one most take home to mama. I am the one who your child might resemble. I have had sex with a married female teacher in high school. I have had sex with another unmarried female teacher in high school. With one of my best friends girlfriends, oh sure I was drunk. It's not like I fought her off. With a woman who I dated on and off who was latter engaged to another man and then had a baby I'm pretty sure is mine (they broke the engagement). I may have yet another baby mama, who is yet another woman, who had two men one of whom is so dense he seems to have had no idea about me at all even as I met her family in her home town. We carried on a whole relationship without that fool seeming to be the wiser. Every one of them was hot as hell too. That leaves out the queer side of my life in which almost everyone I have been with weather they felt they were LGB or T was with someone else to some degree, and it did not phase me. YET I WOULD TRADE ALL OF THAT FOR BEING A NICE GUY THAT SOMEONE WOULD SETTLE FOR AND SETTLE WITH RIGHT NOW. Dating success isn't banging as much as possible. It is finding real true genuine love for someone else, and having them love you back. It is finding that genuine person who will be there for you when it is darkest and to be there for them when it is grim. It is about so much more than sex. Nice guys hold your heads up high. So the ladies don't give you their numbers... when they do they really mean it and want you around them for years. That is worth way more than being an aged lonely bad boy. You are good and you are genuine and you will have much better relationships in the long run. TL;DR: In short after honest reflection on my dating life I have realized what I suspected for a long time must be true. While taking care of my family makes me think of myself as a decent human being, I am not a "nice guy" in my personal, romantic relationships. A personality test focused on the dark triad traits, the technical "bad" qualities psychologist study proves it. I am a bad boy. I am not alpha, beta, or omega. I am a rogue male who does whatever the hell I want. As one of my friends put it I have a eff the world attitude. Yet, I don't have a girlfriend. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Good post, Mr. Lonelyone. I hope you will find the love of your life some time soon. It is good when people realize that the key to success isn't being a bad boy, or being a jerk, because very very few women are really attracted to jerks who treat them like sh*t. Personally, I am attracted to gentlemen who treat me right and with respect, who have their own life, but who take interest in mine as well. A good balance of confidence and respect for the woman. Neither extreme (very confident to the point of arrogance and disrespect for women the way pick-up artists think they can land women, OR, wimpy to the point of admitting to be a loser and unworthy of being the woman's partner) is good/desirable. At least for me. I had a guy (seemingly a bad boy type, who claimed he was a "gentleman" -- funny how all the narcissists and the jerks are the ones who give themselves the "nice guy" and "gentleman" titles!) who told me I could wait on him if I liked him, while he played with some other woman he found more interesting than me. LOL. Clearly, he has such a skewed view of what women would put up with (maybe because he thinks he is god's gift to women). Anyone in their right mind wouldn't expect that 99.99% of women would put up with that sort of behaviour...
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 Good post, Mr. Lonelyone. I hope you will find the love of your life some time soon. It is good when people realize that the key to success isn't being a bad boy, or being a jerk, because very very few women are really attracted to jerks who treat them like sh*t. I wouldn't say I treat women like sh*t far from it. When I am with a woman I treat her like a queen. However.... I am a bad boy in the sense that I am one who a woman gets the sense she can cheat on someone else with. I can keep a secret without feeling serious guilt about it. Likewise since I am not in a relationship I don't see any point to being monogamous with someone who isn't themselves.* i.e. I kinda regret the encounter I had with the girlfriend of one of my best friends. However, I don't feel any real sympathy for the man I don't know of a woman I have sex with. Personally, I am attracted to gentlemen who treat me right and with respect, who have their own life, but who take interest in mine as well. A good balance of confidence and respect for the woman. Neither extreme (very confident to the point of arrogance and disrespect for women the way pick-up artists think they can land women, OR, wimpy to the point of admitting to be a loser and unworthy of being the woman's partner) is good/desirable. At least for me. I had a guy (seemingly a bad boy type, who claimed he was a "gentleman" -- funny how all the narcissists and the jerks are the ones who give themselves the "nice guy" and "gentleman" titles!) who told me I could wait on him if I liked him, while he played with some other woman he found more interesting than me. LOL. Clearly, he has such a skewed view of what women would put up with (maybe because he thinks he is god's gift to women). Anyone in their right mind wouldn't expect that 99.99% of women would put up with that sort of behaviour... Never gave myself a nice guy title. No, it is not true that "nice guys" who call themselves that are really bad boys. Don't fall into that trap. *To all that I could say that I attract women who are as bad as me. Sometimes I would read about women who have what is known as Border line Personality disorder being attracted to men with what is known as Narcicistic personality disorder. Maybe that has been my situation many times?
NoMoreJerks Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 (edited) Re: BPDs being attracted to NPDs, possible.Or co-dependent personalities, for that matter. I know I was co-dependent (am working on it), and got involved with an NPD and couldn't let go of him no matter how sh*tty he treated me. But even codependents have their limits, so... I told him not to let the door hit him on the way out. I don't think there's any scientific evidence that BPDs get drawn to NPDs.. I know quite a few men who have found themselves getting involved with BPDs, and they weren't NPDs, and NPDs who managed to reel in perfectly normal, albeit somewhat naive, women who aren't BPDs... *shrug* I think this thread and previous ones, dealing with the bad boy notion, indicate/illustrate that the whole concept is a BS/constructed one and no one knows what they really mean or what they are referring to. Anyway, I don't really think women have a sixth sense for bad boys the way you define bad boy.. if you tell women you don't mind if they cheat on their partners with you, then you are portraying yourself as non-relationship material.. and anyway, why would you be targeting women who are in relationships? Edited December 9, 2013 by NoMoreJerks
carhill Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Nice bit of introspection. How's the cosmos been treating you lately? Overall, it seems for a young guy you've gotten around plenty and perhaps cast your die in the propagate the genes game. If you are what you've postulated, you stand out. You get noticed. Notice is at least half the mating game; differentiating yourself from the sea of sameness. I had a friend like that. Married four times, never knew which way he'd blow. He inspired one to wear a sidearm. Died of a heart attack a couple months ago. Only 50. Had a lot of women in that 50. He got noticed. Good luck.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 Re: BPDs being attracted to NPDs, possible.Or co-dependent personalities, for that matter. I know I was co-dependent (am working on it), and got involved with an NPD and couldn't let go of him no matter how sh*tty he treated me. But even codependents have their limits, so... I told him not to let the door hit him on the way out. I don't think there's any scientific evidence that BPDs get drawn to NPDs.. I know quite a few men who have found themselves getting involved with BPDs, and they weren't NPDs, and NPDs who managed to reel in perfectly normal, albeit somewhat naive, women who aren't BPDs... *shrug* There seems to be plenty of anecdotal evidence. I think this thread and previous ones, dealing with the bad boy notion, indicate/illustrate that the whole concept is a BS/constructed one and no one knows what they really mean or what they are referring to. Anyway, I don't really think women have a sixth sense for bad boys the way you define bad boy.. if you tell women you don't mind if they cheat on their partners with you, then you are portraying yourself as non-relationship material.. and anyway, why would you be targeting women who are in relationships? Well let me put it this way. It's not totally false and constructed. It's just that real people are not as black and white as those categories make it sound. i.e. a classical bad boy jerky guy.... would be ultra macho, leader of a gang of people. While I am more of a loaner in the sense that I have no one clique but I mix well with lots of people. They are big and muscular and all that. If I were in a classical NDN tribe I would not be the War Chief I would be the two-spirited medicine man. The cure for what ails you would be sex with me. Headache, chanting, drugs and sex. Backache, sweatlodge, peyote, sex. You know. (I can say that and have it not be racist since I have the ancestry). Which leads me too.. Nice bit of introspection. How's the cosmos been treating you lately? Overall, it seems for a young guy you've gotten around plenty and perhaps cast your die in the propagate the genes game. If you are what you've postulated, you stand out. You get noticed. Notice is at least half the mating game; differentiating yourself from the sea of sameness. . That is so true. Every woman I've been with made the remark that they had noticed me. Sometimes they have the chutzpah to approach me even when I am dressed en femme. I have read that another thing women are attracted to are, in addition to signs of masculinity, and signs of creative intelligence. Those signs being dressing in a way that is eye catching. That is also construable as a sign of narcicism. (Think like a 70's or 80's glam rocker). I had a friend like that. Married four times, never knew which way he'd blow. He inspired one to wear a sidearm. Died of a heart attack a couple months ago. Only 50. Had a lot of women in that 50. He got noticed. Good luck. Thanks for wishing me luck. It may be as I have always thought to myself. To have a really happy relationship I will need therapy or who ever I end up with and I will need therapy. The larger dating lesson I hope to show with this thread is that being a guy that many women are attracted to does not equal being succesful with women in the sense of having an emotionally full filling relationship. What may have caused this? Problems with my parents and bad lessons learned from my early relationships. i.e. the married female teacher. What lesson did that "fantasy" teach me? Certainly not that being good and honest about this sort of thing is a good idea.
Eggplant Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Dating success isn't banging as much as possible. It is finding real true genuine love for someone else, and having them love you back. It is finding that genuine person who will be there for you when it is darkest and to be there for them when it is grim. It is about so much more than sex.Not the outlook of a dark triad member because they actually are incapable of loving. They don't understand love. I'm not an expert, but I've read this.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 Not the outlook of a dark triad member because they actually are incapable of loving. They don't understand love. I'm not an expert, but I've read this. Yes/no. It is possible to understand an emotion on an intellectual level even if you don't feel it (at least not as strongly as others).
Recommended Posts