Marks Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 After my recent bust with a girl I met through OkCupid (met once, seemed to go well, but then she ignored my question about meeting a second time), I'm back to trying to find other girls through the site. However, I'm still having trouble with figuring out how many times to message each girl before I ask them to meet up. I've read through this forum that some girls want the guy to ask them out pretty quickly, or otherwise they lose interest. On the other hand, I've read some responses that indicate that they would prefer going back and forth a bit to get to know the guy better, before they would agree to meet. I'm sure it depends on the girl...but how do I know? Right now I have two girls who replied to my initial messages, and I've exchanged three to four messages so far with each. But, I don't know how long to keep this up before I ask them out, or if I should even ask them out in the first place. They're both giving me very short replies and not asking me any questions. Feels very one-sided and I almost feel like I'm pulling teeth. That being said, they keep replying, so I don't know if that means that they're interested and are waiting for me to ask them out, or what... Any rule of thumb to this? At least the messaging with the last girl I met up with was more involved and more naturally led me into asking her out (we went back and forth for a while and both asked each other questions and shared things about each other). Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Everyone is different & there is no rule of thumb. I suppose the best you could do would be in an early message ask her preference & abide by it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosopher Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 In general I would say earlier is better when asking to meet. However it does vary with the individual. As a rule I would say if they are writing long responses to your messages and asking questions, suggest to meet by the third or fourth message. If they reply with short messages and don't ask any questions then in my experience it usually means they are not that interested I'm afraid. You could ask these two girls if they want to speak via IM and see if they are more chatty there. If they do then suggest meeting up. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 I'm female. it varies, yeah, but (in general) I won't consider meeting up before 4-5 solid email exchanges, not just 'hey how are you stuff.' I want to know a bit more about a person. Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 I would personally prefer chatting for at least 3-4 days before deciding on meeting. If anyone loses interest in that much time then they didn't like talking to you... Or they were not interested to begin with... Also it is not like if you ask out at the right time means a girl will say yes to the date always If it is meant to be .. it will work out... there is no rule.. Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 It's not about what you want always.. right? Ask the girl, what she feels comfortable doing. If she wants to speak on phone.. great... if she is more comfortable texting... then go for that... she wants to email... then email... As a girl, I always see which guy is more concerned about making me comfortable... Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Then a girl like me wouldn't talk to you... but I am sure there are others who would agree to your view point... and talk to you immediately on phone... However I would love a guy who would text to me... even if he isn't fond of doing it... just shows how much he likes me Link to post Share on other sites
Gottabestrong Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 However, I'm still having trouble with figuring out how many times to message each girl before I ask them to meet up. I've read through this forum that some girls want the guy to ask them out pretty quickly, or otherwise they lose interest. On the other hand, I've read some responses that indicate that they would prefer going back and forth a bit to get to know the guy better, before they would agree to meet. I'm sure it depends on the girl...but how do I know? I've got a new theory that I am trying out. Want to hear it? Just be yourself and do what comes naturally! Here is the thing, you are right, some girls will like you asking them to meet early, others wont. Some girls want to be kissed on the first date, others want to wait until at least the third. Some girls want you to text/call them daily, others would rather wait 1-3 days in the beginning. There is no way of knowing in advance. And unless you ask each new girl you talk to, it is all a process of trial and error. My view on dating is that we are all trying to find one person, the one we are compatible with. We might have to talk to or date a bunch of people to find the right one, but the goal is to find the one who likes you the way you are and you don't have to change yourself for them. So here is my advice: Just be yourself! Obviously don't do anything crazy or stalkerish like telling a girl you love her on your first date or showing up at her work after she mentioned where she works, etc. But if you want to ask her out, ask her. If you want to text her, text her. It might turn off some girls, but the right girl will like you for it even more! And that way you will speed up the process of weeding out the girls you are not compatible with. Good luck! P.S. Now, if your goal is to just play the field, go on lots of dates with different girls and don't have a relationship, then you might want to do whatever the majority thinks is best in order to improve your odds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 I've got a new theory that I am trying out. Want to hear it? Just be yourself and do what comes naturally! Here is the thing, you are right, some girls will like you asking them to meet early, others wont. Some girls want to be kissed on the first date, others want to wait until at least the third. Some girls want you to text/call them daily, others would rather wait 1-3 days in the beginning. There is no way of knowing in advance. And unless you ask each new girl you talk to, it is all a process of trial and error. My view on dating is that we are all trying to find one person, the one we are compatible with. We might have to talk to or date a bunch of people to find the right one, but the goal is to find the one who likes you the way you are and you don't have to change yourself for them. So here is my advice: Just be yourself! Obviously don't do anything crazy or stalkerish like telling a girl you love her on your first date or showing up at her work after she mentioned where she works, etc. But if you want to ask her out, ask her. If you want to text her, text her. It might turn off some girls, but the right girl will like you for it even more! And that way you will speed up the process of weeding out the girls you are not compatible with. Good luck! P.S. Now, if your goal is to just play the field, go on lots of dates with different girls and don't have a relationship, then you might want to do whatever the majority thinks is best in order to improve your odds. Good answer! Link to post Share on other sites
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