Winherback Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Is it me or does timing have a lot to do with everything? I am bummed this evening and really unsure if I did the right thing here. Could use some reassurance or reprimand from some "clear minded" folks such as yourselves. Met this beautiful girl online earlier this year, the sparks were so flying, we have a ton in common and have so much potential together. BUT, I was just not ready and over my previous relationship yet so basically I helped myself flounder something good. It was a clean break after a few months of dating, and I always wondered if I was in a better place, what could have been. But none the less, we didn't speak for a few months but still friends on FB. She met this really good looking ripped French dude and they apparently hit it off and got into a relationship according to her FB, but apparently he broke up with her on her birthday, ended up being bipolar and said some really really mean things to her. Meanwhile, unknowing of this relationship I sent her a happy Bday text and we have been talking every since very slow, but steady and positive. Having drinks a couple weeks back we talk all about this and she confesses to me on her own that it is over and 100% done. Ok... but I have my reservations going forward as this was all just last month. So we have a double date yesterday, I go to her place, she cooks me dinner, it was great. Daughter there so no sex, and haven't yet. We talk about things, and it was what I thought possibly the beginning of us trying it again. I have been very patient, understanding, no pressure, and letting things go with the flow. We talked today and I basically asked her where she was, if she was in a good place to continue communicating to simply see where things go, that I don't want her to feel pressured, and that I understand she went through some things and that I would prefer if we were upfront and open about these sort of things. She replied with that she is right now just looking to be single and have fun. And that she doesn't want to rush into a relationship again, and that she would respect if I didn't want to talk if we were just friends, that she just isn't ready for anything more RIGHT NOW. So I responded I totally understand, as I have been there before. But that I have plenty of friends, and that if she is not in a good place to at least have the openness for the idea that I would prefer to go down another path and that I wish her all the best. She said she understands, take care, etc. Did I blow a chance to just go along until she might have been more ready? Or is it just all that damn thing called TIMING that is in the way? I am now mulling whether I was a bit hasty in all of this.
deathandtaxes Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Such passivity on your part. smh. Why not be a part of her being single and having fun? She can still be single and you two go out and have fun. Don't leave the ball in her court. Make some fun things happen.
Assasda Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Yes, you were Hasty. Just have fun with the girl. We talked today and I basically asked her where she was, if she was in a good place to continue communicating to simply see where things go, that I don't want her to feel pressured, and that I understand she went through some things and that I would prefer if we were upfront and open about these sort of things. crap crap crap crap. Why did you ask her crap like that. It is just needy, and says that you cant wait. You say you dont want to put pressure on her, and that is exactly what you do. CALM YOUR ASS DOWN
Author Winherback Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) LOL... um yea, ever wake up the next morning thinking wtf was that?!?! Thanks for the reprimand. Anyway to salvage this or erase 3 hours of your life as if it never happened lol? Ahhh ****... oh well, I guess all you can do is laugh. Go ahead. Judge me, just remember to be perfect the rest of your life. :-) Edited October 22, 2013 by Winherback
Author Winherback Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 So has anyone ever made this same amateur mistake before? Basically, i have been hurt in the past and have been strung along before after a long term serious relationship and i just put up a shield here and pushed her away to protect myself and didnt want to get friend zoned.. In other words, i let my emotion and fear get the best of me. When in reality everything was going smoothly and i was ALREADY in the take it slow, have fun, and just see where it goes mode. Smh... Is this something you girls would understand and eventually work through and get past, or is it best to just let sleeping dogs lie here?
Divasu Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Is this something you girls would understand and eventually work through and get past, or is it best to just let sleeping dogs lie here? Possibly. But initially I'd be pissed that you dated me in the first place when you were still hung up on your ex (if it was one date no biggie but if we had been on a few dates in, I'd be annoyed).
Author Winherback Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Possibly. But initially I'd be pissed that you dated me in the first place when you were still hung up on your ex (if it was one date no biggie but if we had been on a few dates in, I'd be annoyed). Yea, and you would have every right to feel that way. Guess I just wanted to move on to something new and was not totaly honest w myself or her and that wasnt right. i need to do a better job of self reflection and think things through before I act, like yesterday. What is it? 1 step forward, 12 steps back? Advice on a next move?
Divasu Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 What is it? 1 step forward, 12 steps back? In a woman's mind, totally. Advice on a next move? Be honest with her and start from there. That's the only advice I can give you at this juncture.
Author Winherback Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 In a woman's mind, totally. lol, that also happens to be one of my best dance moves. Be honest with her and start from there. That's the only advice I can give you at this juncture. Thats exactly what I did. Our last correspondence (aka my text to her): Hey there good lookin'... That came off all wrong. I really enjoyed the time we spent together this weekend along with u taking great care of me with that awesome dinner. I just know how much fun we have together and I just threw up a shield to push u away. I apologize about that, I just didn't want to get hurt. How about this. Rewind<<<<< That sucks u can't make it on Tuesday. How about dinner Sunday when u get back from the wedding. Let me know. That is what I really meant to say. Lol, Have a great day tomorrow and I will talk to u later. ...and left it at that. 1
Divasu Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 lol, that also happens to be one of my best dance moves. Thats exactly what I did. Our last correspondence (aka my text to her): Hey there good lookin'... That came off all wrong. I really enjoyed the time we spent together this weekend along with u taking great care of me with that awesome dinner. I just know how much fun we have together and I just threw up a shield to push u away. I apologize about that, I just didn't want to get hurt. How about this. Rewind<<<<< That sucks u can't make it on Tuesday. How about dinner Sunday when u get back from the wedding. Let me know. That is what I really meant to say. Lol, Have a great day tomorrow and I will talk to u later. ...and left it at that. Haha, that sounds good. Hopefully she'll understand. I will keep my fingers crossed for you aka Footloose. 1
Author Winherback Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Haha, that sounds good. Hopefully she'll understand. I will keep my fingers crossed for you aka Footloose. I appreciate that funny bunny, though im not sure even Kevin Bacon could dance his way out of this one lol. Will probably give her a call Sunday or so to see how the wedding went, etc. Hopefully she engages and I will provide a good news update... 1
deathandtaxes Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 lol, that also happens to be one of my best dance moves. Thats exactly what I did. Our last correspondence (aka my text to her): Hey there good lookin'... That came off all wrong. I really enjoyed the time we spent together this weekend along with u taking great care of me with that awesome dinner. I just know how much fun we have together and I just threw up a shield to push u away. I apologize about that, I just didn't want to get hurt. How about this. Rewind<<<<< That sucks u can't make it on Tuesday. How about dinner Sunday when u get back from the wedding. Let me know. That is what I really meant to say. Lol, Have a great day tomorrow and I will talk to u later. ...and left it at that. Direct. Honest. Concise. Good job on being assertive!
Author Winherback Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Direct. Honest. Concise. Good job on being assertive! Thank You. That means alot coming from reprimander #1. Here is where I think I am at... let it play out naturally. Give her space to let it settle down and subside. But the battle becomes in the brain in the future... is it ok to contact? Will any contact come off as desperate and needy? Is this something that will still need to be addressed before even moving forward? I kinda painted myself into this corner to where there will be a fine line here no matter what I do. Whats the approach now ya know?
salparadise Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Thank You. That means alot coming from reprimander #1. Here is where I think I am at... let it play out naturally. Give her space to let it settle down and subside. But the battle becomes in the brain in the future... is it ok to contact? Will any contact come off as desperate and needy? Is this something that will still need to be addressed before even moving forward? I kinda painted myself into this corner to where there will be a fine line here no matter what I do. Whats the approach now ya know? Pursue but not too aggressively. Contact regularly, take her out, show both interest and patience. She will either go with it or she'll have to tell you to back off and that she needs her space. If the attraction is there I bet she'll go with it.
Author Winherback Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Direct. Honest. Concise. Good job on being assertive! Pursue but not too aggressively. Contact regularly, take her out, show both interest and patience. She will either go with it or she'll have to tell you to back off and that she needs her space. If the attraction is there I bet she'll go with it. Spot on. I mean, why wouldn't she... its me we are talking about here . So I will give it a few days and go for it... and if she doesnt respond to my interested, yet patient communication then its the space she is asking for and will come around on her own time if ever. On to the next one. Heres to staying positive, and hoping for the best!
deathandtaxes Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Thank You. That means alot coming from reprimander #1. Here is where I think I am at... let it play out naturally. Give her space to let it settle down and subside. But the battle becomes in the brain in the future... is it ok to contact? Will any contact come off as desperate and needy? Is this something that will still need to be addressed before even moving forward? I kinda painted myself into this corner to where there will be a fine line here no matter what I do. Whats the approach now ya know? Battle in the brain. Love it! I think I am my own worst enemy when it comes to all this dating stuff. 1
Author Winherback Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Battle in the brain. Love it! I think I am my own worst enemy when it comes to all this dating stuff. Lol, I know. But we can give some damn good advice!! You are not alone. No one is exactly calling me Mr. Smooth around here after my dumb butt insert foot in mouth episode I had yesterday lol But we are all human, and everyone makes these kinds of mistakes at some point. The problem is according to Einstein is at some point it has to stop lol Or are we just cray? Cheers!
Divasu Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I appreciate that funny bunny, though im not sure even Kevin Bacon could dance his way out of this one lol. Will probably give her a call Sunday or so to see how the wedding went, etc. Hopefully she engages and I will provide a good news update... No problem. And Salparadise gave some good advice too: Pursue but not too aggressively. Contact regularly, take her out, show both interest and patience. She will either go with it or she'll have to tell you to back off and that she needs her space. If the attraction is there I bet she'll go with it. I will add onto this (speaking as a woman :D) and that attraction levels may be at odds with with one another now, meaning, she may still be attracted to him but there's that little flicker of doubt in the back of her mind (given the outcome of the first go-around) that prevents her from moving forward: When you first start dating someone new, that person has a clean slate so-to-speak. Effectively, she was a rebound, and let's face it - most people aren't jazzed after learning they are a rebound and as a result, they are now on guard with the person who crowned them that title. Not to say it can't be turned around with a little coaxing and gentle hands, but it won't be as organic as the first time around (at least not initially).
Author Winherback Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) No problem. And Salparadise gave some good advice too: I will add onto this (speaking as a woman :D) and that attraction levels may be at odds with with one another now, meaning, she may still be attracted to him but there's that little flicker of doubt in the back of her mind (given the outcome of the first go-around) that prevents her from moving forward: When you first start dating someone new, that person has a clean slate so-to-speak. Effectively, she was a rebound, and let's face it - most people aren't jazzed after learning they are a rebound and as a result, they are now on guard with the person who crowned them that title. Not to say it can't be turned around with a little coaxing and gentle hands, but it won't be as organic as the first time around (at least not initially). No doubt about it Divasu. That is a real concern of mine. And I knew that coming in this time, and was so on point with gentle hands and coaxing. I was even more confident and my life is in such a better place on all levels. I thought I was ready to take that next atep in my life relationship wise, then I go and pull this move. Now I have only compounded the problem. I really like this girl, and may never forgive myself for blowing this one. So I really want to do things right by her from here on out if given the opportunity including giving her the patience and space she needs for us to grow organically in its own right. I am just afraid it wont even get back to the point where I have that opportunity to do so. Im afraid im going to text her a couple/call her a couple times over the next week or two and wont get any response and that will be it. And can you blame her? I just have to live with another self inflicted wound that has a hard time closing. These next couple weeks are going to be important, I just dont want to blow it by doing too much or too little or not in the right way. LOL, i just read that last sentence again... fml. Edited October 22, 2013 by Winherback
Divasu Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 No doubt about it Divasu. That is a real concern of mine. And I knew that coming in this time, and was so on point with gentle hands and coaxing. I was even more confident and my life is in such a better place on all levels. I thought I was ready to take that next atep in my life relationship wise, then I go and pull this move. Now I have only compounded the problem. I really like this girl, and may never forgive myself for blowing this one. So I really want to do things right by her from here on out if given the opportunity including giving her the patience and space she needs for us to grow organically in its own right. I am just afraid it wont even get back to the point where I have that opportunity to do so. Im afraid im going to text her a couple/call her a couple times over the next week or two and wont get any response and that will be it. And can you blame her? I just have to live with another self inflicted wound that has a hard time closing. These next couple weeks are going to be important, I just dont want to blow it by doing too much or too little or not in the right way. LOL, i just read that last sentence again... fml. Awe, you'll be okay either way. Poop happens, yes? 1
Assasda Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I think youre doing OK. You put the ball in her court, so she is the one that should be doing the contacting. One more thing, dont apologize too much. Even though youre wrong, you still meant what you said. DO NOT apologize for it. She'll respect you for it in the long run
Author Winherback Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 I think youre doing OK. You put the ball in her court, so she is the one that should be doing the contacting. One more thing, dont apologize too much. Even though youre wrong, you still meant what you said. DO NOT apologize for it. She'll respect you for it in the long run I agree... that one apology i meant , so no need for another. So you feel that unless she contacts me again, that I should not reach out at some point?
Assasda Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I agree... that one apology i meant , so no need for another. So you feel that unless she contacts me again, that I should not reach out at some point? You already asked her about dinner on Sunday! There is no need for you to contact her again. Either she tells you about Sunday, tries to make another time, or she's being rude.
Author Winherback Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 You already asked her about dinner on Sunday! There is no need for you to contact her again. Either she tells you about Sunday, tries to make another time, or she's being rude. Well in that case I doubt I hear back from her anytime soon. She is pretty stubborn like me and I kind figured to get the cold shoulder for a bit. Technically I said "thats what I should of said" in that text about dinner. Though thats probably my clouded judgement. Great now you have me all worried I wont hear from her again lol
Author Winherback Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 Ugh. Haven't heard back from her. Not going to give in and contact if/until she does. Is there a big red button I can push to simply take back the 1 hour of completely and utter stupidity of my life? lol that would totally awesome!!
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